| EPISODE IV : OUNA A/N: Arrrgh, I really need to find my Alanna books >.< Sorry about the mix-up with Delia's hair, I could have sworn she was a red-head *scratches head* Oh nevermind. Anyway, I still got, like sixty million thousand different answers in the reviews *.* Blond, chesnut, dark brown, black...aiiieee Oh well. Ha ha, It took some imagination to come up with the contestant's for this episode...luckily I still have my Daine books on hand. Muahahahaha. Hey, question: Who do ya'll think I should do for the next episode (after the next one I mean)? And do ya want me to keep writing these? Feedback! I love it. Long note ha ha. Well, let's get on with it, shall we? ^_^ (looking a bit more confident this time, Gormy walks out onto the brightly lit stage. His greasy hair is slicked up in a pompadour, and he looks spiffier than ever (Note: I am determined to use the word "spiffy" at least five times) He walks right up to the endge of the stage, almost falling off it.) Gormy: Welcome, Gentlemen and Ladies, Men and Women of all kinds.... You are watching THE DATING GAME!!! Yes, The Dating Game, where one lucky contestant will either pick the dream date of their choice, or a complete nightmare. You never know what's going to happen on, THE DATING GAME!!! Now before we all start the show, why doesn't everyone here in the studio audience and everyone at home, wish a big GET WELL SOON to Skippy. He'll be back next week, after undergoing some "treatment" for his ailment. Good luck with those last three steps Skippy. But, alas, the show must go on. Our Contestant for this week: Onua! Horsemistress, trainer, all around Superwoman. Now, let us meet the victims, er, canidates. Bachelor Number one... A lanky boy with a mischevious glint in his eye. Will Onua remember him? Bachelor Number Two...A quite hairy lad who unfortunately does not speak our language...he has brought along a translator who you might remember from one of the past episodes. Bachelor Number Three...This dashing man is the leader of our country. Ladies, I wish I had him to myself, that's just how hot he is! On with the game! Onua, your first question, puhleez. Onua: B1, if you were a horse, what kind would you be? B1: Oh, probably a merry pony with a mind for trouble, but a sweet heart. Onua: Aw. B2, how about you? B2: (mindspeaks his translator, who fakes a man's voice and says) I would be a strong, steady stallion who would guard his herd at all costs. Onua: Ooooo.... B3, I hate to be repetitive, but what kind of horse would you be, if you were one? B3: (whistfully) I would be a midnight black stallion with thick rippling muscles and a main like pure dark velvet, oh and everyone would love me, oh yes they would...they would think that I was the spiffiest horse in the whole world... Onua: Ah, all right. B2, if we were attacked by a fleet of Stormwings while on the road, what would you do? B2: (the translator again) Go for the throat. Onua: Hmm, my kind of man. B1? B1: (Looks scared) Um...do you want the truth? Onua: Preferably. B1: I'd crap myself. B3: Same here. Onua: Oi vey. B3, what would you get me for Midwinter, if you were going to get me something that is? B3: Probably a pearl necklace with rubies at the center, and lots and lots of chocolates. Onua: Those chocolates sound tempting... What would you get me B2? B2: (you know the routine) A nice...meaty...bone. Onua: (gasp) How did you know that's just what I wanted?!? Ahem, moving on, B1, Would you rather have a woman who works for most of the year, or one who stayed home and raised your children? B1: (Obviously blushing) Um, a working one I guess...I mean, children? (giggles) Onua: B3? B3: Hm? (busy brushing his hair and cleaning off his teeth with a finger) Onua: Could you answer the question for me please? B3: Oh, the question, right. Well, since I'm busy with my HIGHLY important Job all year round, I would expect my woman to stay home, where she belongs. Of course, there's always the nannies to raise the children... (thinking) Onua: (disgusted) Nuh-uh Girlfriend (does the snapping "z" formation in the air, and the audience looks at her funny) What? (clears her throat) B2, which would you prefer eating... Ribs, Roasted Duck Under Glass, or Apple Pie? B2: RIBS!!!! Onua: How about you, B1? B1: Hey, how can you eat Roasted Duck if it's under glass? (scratching head) Nevermind...Pie I suppose. Onua: Hmm... Gormy: Onua, I'm sorry, but we've almost run out of time, last question please. Onua: Oh, but can't I have three more, the same one for each contestant? Gormy: (sighs) All right, make it short. Onua: What kind of underwear do you all wear? B1: Boxers B2: Underwear? What's underwear? B3: A leopard print thong...or sometimes my tighty whities... you know you love it ladies! (all the women in the audience blush and applaud) Gormy: Ok, that's more than I needed to know. Onua, who do you pick to accompany you on your Fabulously Spiffy Weekend Getaway? Onua: Oh, I see you've started capitalizing it now? Gormy: Yes, the producer threatened to make me go onstage naked unless I did. (waves to the producer, offstage) Hi Mom! Anyway, just pick already. Onua: 'K. Well, Bachelor Number Two seems to me to be my spiffy soulmate! I can't wait to meet him. Gormy: (looks horrified) Are you sure you want to pick him? Onua: I'm sure, short stuff. Gormy: Hey, just because I'm Vertically Challenged doesn't mean I'm not a good game show host (almost in tears) Onua: (rolls her eyes) Get on with it. Gormy: Ya big meanie (blows his nose) Now, Bachelor Number One, please come out. (A very very very downtrodden Evin Larse steps out from behind the wall) Evin: Oh, why didn't you pick me Onua! I've always loved you, since that first day with the ponies, only I was too afraid to admit it! (holds out a dozen white roses) Please pick me instead!!! Onua: (kicks him in the shins) Get away from me sissy boy! Evin: Oh Onua! (starts to sob hysterically and gets down too kiss Onua's feet) Onua: Icky! (Kicks him in the face)(he is finally dragged off by stangehands for some serious counselling) Gormy: All righty then. Bachelor Number Three, get out here before I come over there and get ya! (Jon walks in, looking pale and dark and dignified. Is about to kiss Onua's hand when a very pissed off looking Thayet enters the stage) Thayet: Jon! How dare you! How could you leave me for this...this... TRAMP! I mean she sleeps with horses for God's sake! Onua: Hey! Thayet: You are coming home right now Mister, and we are having some serious make-up sex! Jon: (meekly) Yes dear... (inwardly going "YES YES YES! I knew my plan would work!") (Thayet drags Jon offstage by one earlobe) Gormy: Hee hee. And last but not Least, Bachelor Number Two! (Tahoi eagerly runs out from behind the wall, puts his paws up on Onua's shoulders and starts to lick her face madly. Onua looks like she wishes she had picked Jon instead...then thinks of an idea) Onua: Say, Gormy, don't contestants have to be men to be on this show? Gormy: Yep...ever since that whole Lord Wyldon thing (everyone shudders) we have enforced strict gender specific rules. Onua: Well, I just had Tahoi here nuteured last week! Gormy: Oh really? (pats Tahoi) I'm sorry my dear boy, you lose. (Tahoi looks broken hearted and wanders off to go find someone to play with) Gormy: Well... what do we do now? Onua: (sighs) Oh heck, Evin's not that bad. I change my mind, I'll take him instead. Evin: WHOOPEE!!! (runs onstage and throws himself at Onua. Onua desperately tries to get him to calm down, but finally the infamous two men with cattle prods (not seen since last episode) come and shock Evin into obedience) Gormy: And your Fabulously Spiffy Weekend Getaway is to... CARTHAK! Onua and Evin: CARTHAK?!?!?!?! Gormy: Yeah, ya see, we at The Dating Game have a strict budget, and we had to employ some money saving techniques...and Carthak was the only place cheap enough to have available for this show... Onua and Evin: Grrrr........... (start to rip Gormy to shreads...but out of the great twisting, dust producing, blood showering fight comes a voice) Gormy: Join us next week when the Dating Game takes on...A Mystery Guest! Tune in to find out who, and for the triumphant return of our regular host, Skippy McPeanutbutter! (a flying fist hits the camera, and your monitor blackens) |
| *^* ToRtaLLaN TV *^* |