| Top Ten Lists of Tamora Pierce An Idea from Keladry |
| This hilarious section is on the top ten lists of Tamora Pierce, oh yes, I do seem to be repeating the title, ain't I? The Lists can be about anything you want! Well, send me any suggestions and contributions to this section! |
| The top 10 things that would never happen in Tortall: 1. Jonathon saying, “Heck with the ball, let’s throw a disco!” 2. Lord Wlydon begging girls to become pages. 3. Daine is arrested for cruelty to animals. 4. Thayet washing her hair in beer. 5. Buri wearing an extremely feminine dress. 6. Lord Wyldon reveals his softer side and takes up singing opera. 7. Roger joining a monastery and becoming a monk. 8. Owen being serious for a whole day, and refusing to use the word “jolly”. 9. Joren winning a Tortallan Nobel Peace Prize. 10. Alanna being patient. %$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$% The top 10 things that would never happen in Emelan: 1. Niko having fun. 2. Lark yelling at the children while Rosethorn stands by andtells her “Now Lark, kids will be kids…” 3. Tris taking a job as a sewer cleaner. 4. Crane and Rosethorn admitting they’re in love. 5. Briar using his Shakkan for fire-wood. 6. Daja burning herself while cooking with a metal pan andexclaiming “By golly gee! I’ve done itagain! <giggle!>”. 7. Sandry leaving Winding Circle to go become a typical noble. 8. Evvy running from a stone wall. 9. Niko wearing a paper bag and liking it. 10. Tris hiding in her room during a storm. #@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@# The top 10 ways to tell if you’re totally obsessed withTamora Pierce books: 1. When the school bully begins to pick on you, you immediatelypick up a stick and yell, “On guard! Let’s dual!”. 2. You begin referring to everything as, “jolly”. 3. Each day you turn to your great grandma’s old amulet necklacefor “inspiration from the goddess”. 4. You are often found standing at the top of walls muttering, “Iam the wind”. 5. During a running unit in gym class, you yell at everyone tobreathe in counts of seven. 6. When your class visits the zoo for a field trip, you demand toknow just who is the keeper of the hyenas and where they’ve hidden the dragons. 7. You’ve been fined many times for attempting to “reawaken” thedinosaur skeletons at your local museum. 8. You sign up for boy’s camp and demand to be a probationer. 9. You barge into people’s garages and when they ask if you havea search warrant you tell them that you don’t need one…your Lord Provost sent you. 10. When told that you need discipline, you answer that you’ve lived there for seven years, thank you very much. &%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%& ~The Top 10 Best-Sellers of Tortall and Emelan~ 1. GreaseBall- The Horrors of the Unclean by Queen Thayet of Tortall 2. Stressed Out? Cool Off With Tips From a Pro by Lord Wyldon 3. The Jolly Life of an Optimist by Squire Owen 4. Once Upon an Honest Time by Duke Roger (deceased) 5. Who Moved My Trees? By Briar Moss 5. Chicken Soup for the Sooty Soul By Dedicate Frostpine 6. The Cutomer is Never Right By Dedicate Crane 7. Something Smells in my Stall By Cloud 8. Colored Emotions- A guide to understanding you inner feelings By Skysong a.k.a. Kitten 9. Eat my Dust 2001- Cooking Carthaki Style By Lady Varice 10. Outcast of Dreadwall By Ralon (former page) $#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$ ~The Top 10 Things Desperately Needed in Tortall~ 1. A psychic hotline. 2. A Bath and Body Works 3. Law firms (preferable with a Judge Judy or two) 4. Target giftcards 5. Gameshows 6. Ball-point pens 7. Toothpaste 8. Travel agents 9. Tennis shoes 10. Denim *&^*&^*&^*&^*&^*&^*&^*&^*&^*&^*&^&*^&*^&* ~Top 10 Modern Forms of Magic~ 1. Microwave (not the appliance) magic 2. PalmV magic 3. Plastic Magic 4. Computer Magic 5. Neon magic 6. Wire magic 7. Shopping magic 8. Megabyte magic 9. Vinyl magic 10. Nintendo magic %$#%$#%$#%$#%$#%$#%$#%$%$#%$#$%#%$#%$#%$ ~ Keladry ~ |
| Top 10 Things Alanna Would Never Say... 10 ) George, you have an ugly nose. 9 ) I LOVE YOU, RAOUL! 8 ) Now that I look back on it, Roger wasn't that bad of a guy. 7 ) Eww! Go away Faithful! You might have fleas! 6 ) (As a page ) I know my friends will accept me for who I am. 5 ) Bah. Who needs Gods. They just mess stuff up. 4 ) Jon' you're a twit. 3 ) I don't want to be a knight! I want to be a court lady! 2 ) *singing* Joy to the world! Liam's dead! And finally....The #1 thing Alanna would never say... 1 ) Of course I didn't cheat on you, Jon! Top Ten Things Daine Would Never Say 10 ) Numair, you're a dirty old man. 9 ) I have something to confess...I'm in love with Ozorne. 8 ) Pedophile! (To Numair) 7 ) Eww!! Eww! It's a bug!! Squish it!! 6 ) Damn bats nesting in my hair! Take that! *various smashing noises* 5 ) Cloud, go eat some grass. 4 ) I'm glad my mother died. 3 ) Kit, I think it would be best if you went with your family. 2 ) My daddy has big horns! Does that make him horny? And finally, the #1 thing Daine would never say... 1 ) Nuke the Whales! The Top Ten Things Kel Would Never Say 10 ) Ugh! Such an ugly dog! Go away! 9 ) JOREN! MARRY ME! 8 ) Yamami's are savages. 7 ) Err..What's a glaive? 6 ) I want to be the wife of a wonderful noble, not a knight" 5 ) I love heights! I go up to Balor's Needle every day!" 4 ) I hate older men. 3 ) Neal, you have the potential to be a great fan-user. 2 ) I show my emotions too much... And the #1 thing Kel wouldn't say is... 1 ) The weak and small should die off and leave the strong here! ~ Melikochan ~ |
| Titles that no one would ever write Written by Princess Cora Arram Draper and the Emperor's Stone Arram Draper and the Dungeon of Secrets Arram Draper and the Prisoner of Carthak Arram Draper and the Goblet of Dreamrose Arram Draper and the Order of Orzone Survivor: the Great Southern Desert Run, Joren, run Swordless Gorillaless The Dragonriders of Tortall Little House on the Great Southern Desert The Mists of Goldenlake Planet of the Stormwings The Lost Years of Tortall The Lost Years of Carthak |
| REASONS WHY YOU SHOULDN'T READ TP Written by KCN 1. Jon doesn't marry Alanna. 2. Alanna doesn't marry Jon. 3. Jon marries Thayet, not Alanna. 4. Alanna marries George, not Jon. 5. Alanna refuses Jon's proposal. 6. Alanna's not Jon's wife. 7. Jon's not Alanna's husband. 8. Alanna doesn't become Tortall's Queen. 9. Thayet does. 10. Err, that's it. |
| Why Numair Is Great by Lady of the Wolves, with help from Galia and Yosis TOP 10 REASONS WHY NUMAIR IS A WONDERFUL BUT UNDER APPRECIATED CHARACTER: 10) He looks good in black! 9) He gives wonderful and thoughtful presents. 8) He is a great and loving teacher and lover (well, ask Daine). 7) He never quits. 6) Numair would die for any of his friends 5) He is really sweet! 4) He actually CARES about Daine for who she is, and is considerate enough to think of her when he doesn’t tell her how he feels. 3) He IS NOT old, though everyone seems to think he is! He’s a young guy! 2) Numair is tall, dark, and...extremely handsome (this is for you, Galia!) 1) He is really smart, one of those almost geeky (NOT GEEKY) but really shy and sweet and wonderful people! Why Numair Is Greater by Lady of the Wolves (w/ help) Even more reasons! 10. He’s rich! 9. He is very powerful -Gemma 8. Numair is very polite and proper. 7. He is a hard worker and always perserveres! 6. Numair is fair and honest. 5. He knows a lot of useful tricks and will take responsibility for everything and anything. 4. Numair is always willing to lend a hand. 3. He is easygoing and funny. 2. He's witty and funny! ("A few of those gray hairs on her head are my doing, but, I send her money so she can pay to have them dyed!") -DarkWolf 1. He is sweet and caring and the perfect man! To those who reviewed: Thank you, I hope you’re not mad I used your suggestions. To *someone whose name shall not be mentioned*, NUMAIR IS A COOL PERSON!!! |
| Top Twenty Tortallian Movies of All Times!! Written by Lady Pheniox 1. Faithful on the loose! 2. Flying Lessons 3. Flying Lessons 2: Ooo, There Goes Keladry 4. The Attack of the Killer Fan 5. Roger Lives! 6. Roger Lives 2: Resurrection 7. Roger Lives 3: He's Back! 8. Roger Lives 4: Why the H*ll is He Back Now!! 9. Roger Dies! (Finally!) 10. Ordeal, The Talking Door 11. A Mage's Tale 12. The Life of the Lance 13. The Great Tuisainian Escape 14. Alanna and the Quest for the Dominon Jewel 15. Lady Knight 16. You've got Chain Mail 17. Alanna and the King of Theives 18. Lightning : The tale of the Broken Sword 19. The Lioness Queen 20. 'Twas the Night before Midwinter |
| 10 Ways For Not Being Able To Finish Your Homework Written by Mystical Darkness Neal's excuses... 1. Get into with a fight with Lady Alanna – you’ll miss at least one week of school, and you won’t have to worry about homework, just your teachers’ get-well cards… 2. Get killed – that’s a sure way for not doing your homework. 3. Kill King Jonathan – you do something nice for Tortall, and you’ll be in jail for a LONG TIME. So long that you’ll never have to do homework again! 4. Eat anything Lord Wyldon’s cooked – trust me, it ALWAYS tastes horrible. The last person to eat his cooking was sick for forty weeks. 5. Joke about Joren’s lack of brains in front of him – sure way to get yourself a make-over (free!) and not be able to do your homework for a while. 6. Ride Peachblossom – ouch! That’s all I can say! 7. Joust with Lord Raoul – do I HAVE to describe this? 8. Tell your teacher that bandits raided your house – they’ll be so depressed for you that they may actually OFFER to do your homework for you! 9. Tell Queen Thayet that she’s the ugliest queen ever, and that Alanna would do MUCH better – you’ll DEFINITELY have to stay in the hospital for five YEARS after Queen Thayet’s ratted on you to her husband’s armies!!! 10. Tell your teacher you were too busy training lousy pages to do your homework – that’ll shock ’em! |
| *NEW* Top Ten Ways to Tell You Read Too Much Tammy 10. You take a plastic sword and chase your brother around, "callin' for the Conte Duke to submit to your sword." 9. You try to talk to every animal you run across. 8. You become convinced that Tortall really does exist, gather up your confused friends and lead a quest (or e-quest!) (::coughcoughVictoriacoughcough::) to find Tortall. 7. You dress as Alanna on Halloween. 6. You dress as Alanna when it's not Halloween. 5. You break into your science teacher's private lab, demanding to know where s/he is hiding the wax effigies and magical paraphernalia. 4. You become convinced that you're a dragon who did an experiment that went horribly wrong and trapped you in human shape. 3. You decide that the Army is biased, disguise yourself as a boy and try to sneak into G.I. training. 2. You name your cat "Faithful" and try to talk to him, and even take him to school, carrying him on your shoulder. And the number one way to tell you read too much Tammy is.....(drumroll please) 1. You think that there is no such thing as too much Tammy, and after reading this list, you go to your shrine to her and her books and pray that she will forgive these blasphemous fools. &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& More Ways to Tell You Read Too Much Tammy 10. You go to camp and drive everyone mad by constantly referring to it as 'page training.' 9. When asked what you want to be when you grow up you say the first female knight in two hundred years. 8. You constantly beg to go to Disipline. 7. You change your name to Alan and tell everyone including your family that you're a boy. 6. You tell everyone that you've been to the Sea of Sand and that 'all your mortal impurites have been seared away.' 5. You call your gym teacher 'Lord Wyldon.' 4. You refer to finals as 'examinations' and the SAT as 'the fourth-year examination.' 3. You have a fit if your cat doesn't have purple eyes. 2. You have a fit if you don't have purple eyes. And the number one way to tell you read too much Tammy is.. 1. You make lists like this then go to your shrine to Tammy and beg her to forgive you. ~ Rosethorn ~ |
| ^^ MoRe ToP TeN!! ^^ |