The car ride back began with almost unendurable silence.

For the first few minutes, Ryuuen sat curled up in his seat, the seatbelt pressing uncomfortable against his chest, and leaned his head against the window. Every small bump in the road cracked his skull against the glass, made the seatbelt cut into his chest. Finally, exhausted and in pain and wanting only to feel like himself again, he undid the seatbelt, slid over, and leaned against Sai's shoulder.

He felt weak and drained, like he'd been out running for hours; the fact that he hadn't eaten a thing all day certainly didn't help, either. Saihitei turned to him in concern after they'd pulled to a stop at a red light, slim, dark eyebrows pushing together on his brow.

"Ryuuen..."

The smaller man closed his eyes, rested his forehead against Saihitei's shoulder and brought both fists to his chin. "I-I'm sorry," he whispered. "Could we stop somewhere? I-It's just that I haven't eaten all day and I'm kind of..."

The light changed; Sai's brown loafer pressed against the pedal and sent them surging forward into the flow of traffic. Once they were past the intersection, he felt those warm amber eyes on him. "You haven't eaten at all?" he demanded. "Ryuuen, it's almost four o'clock..."

Carefully, he ducked his head beneath Sai's arm, wrapped his arms around the younger man's torso and pressed his cheek again to the broad chest. Immediately, a warm, sleepy feeling overcame him, and for the first time since he'd woken up eight hours earlier, he felt his muscles relax. "I know," he murmured. "I just...I felt sick this morning, and since we were at the hospital for so long..." He snuggled closer; Sai's right arm slipped down from the steering wheel, wrapped gently around his back.

"Where would you like to stop?"

"Anywhere. Just...someplace I can eat."

"Well..." Sai let a soft breath pass between his lips, and from the sound of his voice, Ryuuen was fairly certain that a thoughtful frown was playing across his features. "There aren't many food places this close to the hospitals. If you don't mind waiting, we could go to the Eat'n Park on Scalp Avenue, but it might take awhile. Or, we could stop somewhere closer. I'm fairly certain there's a pizza shop coming up on the right, and a Burger King a few miles past that. Or, if you'd like--"

"Anywhere. Really. Just...somewhere close. Whatever's closest."

They walked into the stuffy little pizza shop arm in arm, Ryuuen's head leaning lightly against the larger man's shoulder. The place was fairly empty, despite the fact that it was leaning on the dinner hour, but Saihitei wasn't exactly inclined to complain about that fact. Beside him, Ryuuen moved with a weak, drained kind of weariness, and he had a sinking suspicion that if he were to lift his arms from around the smaller man's shoulders, Ryuuen would tumble to the floor before he would support himself.

It scared him. His heart was thundering in his chest, and his thoughts were spinning so wildly in his brain that it was difficult to so much as greet the pizza shop employee without losing his grip on what he was saying. Ryuuen, despite his appearance, was the strongest person he knew--for him to be out of control like this, for him to be clinging to him like a frightened child...it made him feel like a frightened child.

God, what if something's really wrong? What if...what if that doctor told him that he's going to die or something, and he's only waiting for the right time to tell me?

The mere thought made his stomach churn with a sick, helpless feeling; it clenched at his heart like talons, made him want to sink into the nearest corner and close his eyes and wait for the world to vanish around him.

But...

He drew in a calming breath, let it trickle out through his lips as he led/pulled his boyfriend to one of the small, crumb-sprinkled tables. But, he had to be strong. For Ryuuen's sake, he had to be strong, solid; he had to be someone this man could count on, someone he could lean on no matter what it was that had happened in that hospital today.

Ryuuen seemed to snap out of his stupor once they reached the table, at least partially; he lifted his arms from around the younger man's chest, stood on his own for a moment, and then lowered himself into one of the painted wire-back chairs. He looked a little steadier, Saihitei found himself thinking as he took his own seat. His eyes were open and clear, still looking vaguely haunted but at least not brimming with tears, anymore. His hands, also, seemed to have stopped shaking, and the breath was slipping from his lips in a fairly even rhythm.

Ryuuen was calming down, slowly drawing himself up from the depths of his trauma and into a place where he could stand instead of leaning. Sai could see the strength bleeding back into this man's body as if it were a visible, tangible thing--the gradual straightening of Ryuuen's shoulders, the slow trickling of life back into his eyes, the long, deep, slow breaths that were drawing him up, making him sit taller in his seat...

It's time. It's time to ask.

A pretty blonde woman with a ponytail had brought them their drinks a few moments earlier--a Sprite for Ryuuen, a Diet Coke for him--so he wrapped his fingers around the glass, drew the straw to his lips before he spoke. Then, with the watery tang of the stuff still on his tongue, he cleared his throat, stared across the table, and drew breath to speak--

--but, Ryuuen beat him to it.

"The doctor thinks I might have heart problems," Ryuuen said quietly. His voice was surprisingly steady, despite being nearly inaudible, and his eyes, too, were clear of the sightless glaze they'd had when he'd reentered the waiting room all that time ago. He cleared his throat lightly. "I have an appointment on Tuesday with a cardiologist. I...I know that you have work, so I can ask Miaka and Taka to--"

"Don't be silly," he cut in as gently as he could manage. "One of the benefits of being self-employed is never having to worry that I might not be able to take off. I'll take you, Ryuuen."

Heart problems? Heart problems? What kind of heart problems?

"Okay," Ryuuen murmured. "A-Anyway, the...the doctor said that there's probably nothing to worry about between...between now and my appointment, but that I shouldn't be alone, because..." He trailed off; a moment later, he'd put his lips to the straw of his Sprite and taken a long, thirsty drink. "Because, it's a small chance, but...but, I might..."

No. I don't want to hear it. I don't...I don't want to hear that he might...

"Did the doctor prescribe anything for the pain?" he cut in quickly.

Ryuuen glanced up at him in surprise; then, slowly, he shook his head. "No. But, if it happens again, I'm supposed to go to the hospital, to make sure that it's not--" His voice sank. "--something more serious."

They sat in silence for a few moments after that, Ryuuen staring blankly down at the tangling of his fingers in his lap, Saihitei staring with utmost concentration at the backwards letters on the shop's window. Finally, the younger man let out a soft sigh, turned back to those abstracted violet eyes with the intention of speaking--but, again, Ryuuen beat him to it.

"Do you think that...that maybe you could be the one to tell Miaka and the others?"

Saihitei nodded. "Of course. But..." He swallowed; this was probably going to be a delicate question, and possibly not one Ryuuen felt like relating the answer to right now, but...but, he had to know. "But, I might be able to give them more information if you could...tell me just precisely what it was that the doctor said to you. If you can't remember, that's all right," he added quickly. "But, it...it might help."

Ryuuen was silent for a long moment; in the background, there was the sound of a woman's high-pitched laughter, of low, authoritative tones from behind the pizza counter, punctuated by the occasional clatter of dishes. Then, those rosy violet eyes flickered up from the table, locked him into their gaze, and the lips beneath them began to move.

"He didn't tell me all that much, just that...that from my symptoms, it might be some kind of heart disease. Th-There's a big long name for it, but I can't remember it. Hypertrophic something."

Saihitei felt his palms go cold. "Hypertrophic Obstructive Cardiomyopathy?" he whispered.

"Y...Yeah, I think that's what he said."

Please. Please. Not…not again. Please.

"Sai?"

He snapped out of his thoughts. "Hm?"

Ryuuen just stared at him, eyebrows lifted slightly and curving upwards, his lips twisted into a very slight frown. At last, the taller man sighed, bowed his head slightly. "It's nothing, really. I knew someone with HOCM before, that's all."

"Did...were they okay?"

He looked up from his Coke, gave the widest, fakest smile he'd ever given in his life. "Yes. They were fine." Then, a moment later: "Ah, look, the pizza's here." He made a show of reaching forward, moving the salt and pepper shakers out of the way so the woman would have room to put it down. Once she had, he smiled at her and thanked her, and then with a little wink, she was gone.

...and, even though he could feel Ryuuen's eyes on him as he drew the pizza cutter into his fingers and carved out a slice, he didn't acknowledge it. A few moments later, they were both silent and enjoying their half-mushroom/half-pepper, and despite the questions in his eyes, Ryuuen didn't say anything else.