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"And 1,000 points to Ryan, cuz man let's face it, he's the only one who can pull off shoes like that!" Drew said as he chuckled along with the audience.  The camera zoomed in on Ryan's shoes- a dark red shade with thick white stripes along the sides. 

"Thanks, Drew, " Ryan said with a wink.  He crossed his legs and took a long drink of water.

"I still can't believe I'm here!" I whispered to my brother sitting next to me.  Wow, I thought, this is so exciting!  I always watched the show on TV and dreamed that someday I would actually be in the audience!  Now I am!  OK…got to keep calm.  Must keep my composure.

I kept whispering to my brother how thrilled I was to be here.  "This is the best graduation gift ever!" I exclaimed softly to him.  He nudged me gently as Drew went on to describe the next game.

"Alright," Drew started, "this next game is called Scene with an Audience Member."

And with that, Drew buttoned up his jacket and started to walk up one of the rows in the audience.  I watched him take each step as if he were in slow motion.  All of a sudden Drew stopped… Oh God, he's right next to me!!  My heart began to pound like a runner's feet across a track.

My brother looked over at me with this big grin on his face.  I returned his glance with a scared-shitless look as I clasped my hands together.  With that, Drew touched my shoulder.

"Excuse me, what's your name?" Drew said, with a smile.

"Lisa…" I said, my voice quivering.

"Come on down and introduce yourselves to Ryan and Colin"

Ryan and Colin!  Only in my dreams had I ever had the chance to meet them; now I'm going to be in a SCENE with them!  I took a cleansing breath as I reached that infamous stage.

My hand met Colin's first.  He looked at me, gave me a reassuring smile, and a quick wink.  I returned the favor with a smile.  I shook Ryan's hand next.  What a grip!  His hands are huge compared to mine, I thought.  I looked at him as he gave me one of those smiles that just made me melt inside and I suddenly felt like everything was going to be just fine.

I walked over to Drew's desk as he was explaining the details of the game.  "Now what happens here is that I am going to give Lisa a blue card…on this card are a bunch of statements for her to read.  Throughout the scene, Ryan and Colin will prompt her to read those lines."  Drew looked at me.  "You ready?" he asked?  I nodded as I began to look over the lines.  Oh man, I chuckled to myself, these are too good.

"OK, the scene is…" Drew sat down at the desk and skimmed his game card, "Colin and Lisa are on their honeymoon when her ex-boyfriend Ryan finds them together."  Colin looked at me and pumped his eyebrows twice at me.  I giggled nervously as I grasped my card.

"Whenever you're ready…good luck, Lisa" Drew said and took a sip from his mug.  The scene began:

"My love, we are alone at last.  Champagne, my sweet?" Colin acted as pouring two glasses of champagne.  He handed me my 'glass' as we both took a sip from them. 

From off stage, Ryan made a knocking sound.  "Lisa, you bitch, I know you're in there!  Open this door right now!"

Colin went over to the side of the stage and sweetly said, "Who is it?"

The audience chuckled.  "You know damn well who it is.  Open this door!"  With that, Ryan acted like he kicked open the door.  Colin ran over and protected me. 

"What's the meaning of all this?  I thought we had something together!"  Ryan exclaimed.

"Well, she's married to me now, Mr. Panties in a Bunch!" Colin retorted and stood in front of me.  Drew chuckled at this new nickname for Ryan.

"Oh really?  Not if I have anything to do with it!" Ryan said as he lunged toward Colin.

"Lisa, do you have anything to say to defend yourself?" Colin asked.  That was my first cue!!

I looked at my card.  "Uh, who wants ice cream?" I said innocently looking at Ryan and Colin.  The audience giggled.

"How can you think of food at a time like this?"  Colin cried out. "It's always food with you…eat, eat…eat again"

Colin moved aside and Ryan swooped in and grabbed my arm, pulling me towards him.
Why fight it? I thought slyly.  "Listen, buck-o, this bitch is coming with me." Ryan remarked and looked right in my eyes, "You have anything to say about that?"

Another cue!! I looked at my card…Oh dear.

"I love it when you call me that!" I said and looked lovingly at Ryan.  The audience roared with laughter.  I caught Colin trying to hold a smile back.  I almost burst, too.

"Then let's run off together, live our lifelong dream- to be…" Ryan paused, "circus clowns!" He glared at me.

"Say that again, baby, but slower." I said seductively and glanced at Ryan.  The studio filled with laughter as Drew nearly fell off his chair.

At this point, Ryan was having a hard time keeping his composure but somehow managed to go on.  In his slow motion voice, he repeated the line as instructed: "Then let's rrrrun off togetherrr and llllive our llllifelong dream to be circussss clownssss."  Again, the audience chuckled.  Drew could hardly contain himself.

I had one line left on the card and I began to wonder who was going to cue me to say it.  It didn't take long to find out.

"But sweetheart," Colin said innocently, "what about our newlywed golf tournament tomorrow?  You were going to help me pick out my Elitists!" 

I looked at my card.  After reading it, I looked down at Ryan's pants, looked at Colin's and exclaimed, "Well, his are definitely bigger than yours!"

The audience applauded with laughter as Drew buzzed the end of the game.  Colin shook my hand, doubled over laughing.  Ryan walked over, shook my hand, and mouthed "You were wonderful.  Thanks for helping out!"  I nearly fainted!

I headed back to my seat and sat down with a sigh.  What a day this is turning out to be!  "1,000 points to Lisa for running away with Mr. Panties in a Bunch!"  Drew stated.  Everyone laughed.

The rest of the taping was hysterical, but what was about to come next would complete my fifteen minutes of fame.  The final game of the night was…a hoedown.

"And now on to our favorite game…HOEDOWN!" Drew exclaimed.  Greg, Wayne, Colin, and Ryan mocked their excitement as they jumped down to the main floor of the stage.

"Oh man, I love this game!" my brother said excitedly.  I nodded.  I do too, I thought, but I had a bad feeling about this one in particular. 

"Now what I need from the audience is a profession that makes everyone happy," stated Drew.  The audience yelled out many different suggestions, such as a movie star, a singer, and a comedian.  I'm not sure what came over me at that moment, but I blurted out "Clowns!"

"Alright, clowns!"  Wow, I thought…of all the ones suggested, he picked mine!  "The clown hoedown.  Take it away, Laura Hall!"

With Greg being the winner for the night, the lineup was Wayne, Drew, Colin, and then Ryan.  Each went down the line, poking fun of Drew as usual until they got to Ryan.  For some reason, Ryan looked up and met my gaze with a sly smile, shook his head and began his song:

Now clowns are really funny- they always make me smile
They just seem to have this really silly style.
I always wanted to try it- from my head down to my toes
Whenever Lisa and I make love, I wear the big red nose!

"I wear the big red nose!" they all sang, holding back the laughter.  The audience broke out in a fit of hysterics.

I nearly fell off my chair laughing as my brother doubled over, red in the face.  The camera immediately found me in my seat, laughing so hard I had tears coming down my face.  I wasn't sure whether to be embarrassed or just laugh at the hilarity of it all.  The camera returned to face the Fab Four returning to their seats.  Ryan looked in my direction and wiggled his fingers in a wave and jokingly winked. 

The taping wound down and reached the end about an hour later.  The audiences got up from their seats and began to file out the exit doors.  My brother headed to the bathroom and told me to meet him in the lobby.  I went to gather my things and realized that the light jacket I brought got tangled in the leg of my chair.

"Damn it! Son of a…"I mumbled as I struggled to get it off the leg.

"Do you need some help with that?" said this voice from a distance.  The voice seemed familiar.  Could it- would it- can it be?  I looked up and there stood a man who I couldn't quite make out in the shadows until he bent down next to me.  Oh my god!  It was Ryan!!  My heart pounded against my chest, as I became totally and utterly speechless. 

"Let me try…" he said as he gently lifted the chair and retrieved my entangled jacket.  He's touching my jacket!  Lisa, I thought, get a grip! Somehow, I managed to get out a weak thank you.  "I remember you from the taping- Scene with an Audience Member.  You're very talented," Ryan said with a smile.  "Have you been to a taping before?"

"No," I said, "But I am a huge fan of Whose Line.  To tell you the truth, I only watch the UK ones if you're on it."

"Wow," he said, taken aback, "I'm truly honored!"  I smiled nervously at him.  "You have a beautiful smile, Lisa.  It really brightens the room," Ryan stated, looking directly into my eyes.  Man, I thought, he makes great eye contact, an important part of conversation with me.  I tried not to blush as I took my jacket and put it on a chair.

Being the typical fan that I was, I asked him for his autograph, so he signed my ticket stub.  Ah, what penmanship!  Oh to be that pen!  I thought as I giggled.  "What?" he said inquisitively, noticing my laugh.  I shook my head as if to say it was nothing and he continued with the autograph.  He wrote, "To my favorite 'ex'- may we be clowns together someday!"  Wow, that's more than his usual 'Cheers!' and the person's name.  I felt so honored! 

As he handed me my ticket stub, I asked, "Would it be too much to get a picture?" 

"Sure- anything for a big fan."  Ryan declared.

Dan Patterson had been walking around the studio and looked up to see Ryan.  He motioned to Dan to come up and take a picture.  Dan hurried up the aisle.  "How about one of you two standing on stage?"  So we walked down the steps and stood there idly on the stage.

Do we pose or something? I thought.  "Should we pose?" Ryan said, looking at me.  How did he do that? Did I say my question out loud?

"You know," I suggested, "I love that picture of you and your wife, with you resting your arms on her head."

"Oh, like this?" Ryan stepped over towards me and folded his arms over my head.  "Now, you put your hands…here." Dan said as he put my hands around Ryan's waist.  Inside, my head was reeling.  I'm actually touching Ryan Stiles!  OK...just keep calm and smile for the camera.  "Perfect!"  Dan added as he turned on my camera and took a picture. 

We broke away from the pose.  "Uh, I gotta go find my brother- he's probably worried," I said, even though I really didn't want to leave.  "Thanks for the autograph and picture."

"No problem- it was my pleasure.  Say, send me a copy of that picture- my wife Pat would get a kick out of it, " Ryan stated with a chuckle.

I walked up the aisle to the exit door and looked back.  Ryan was still standing there- watching me.  "Y'all come back now, ya hear?" he yelled.  I laughed and walked out the door to find my brother impatiently waiting for me in the lobby.

"What the hell took you so long?" he asked angrily.

As we walked out the door, I smiled and said, "You'll never guess what happened to me."


Part Two