| Petey Wheatstraw: The Devil's Son-In-Law |
| copyright 1978 |
| This is my favorite Rudy Ray Moore movie, probably because it is dumber than Dolemite could've ever aspired to be. I can't explain my undying love for it, but I'm giddy just thinking about it. The movie starts off with a woman in obvious pain giving birth to a watermelon. Then, out of the birth canal pops a 12 year old Petey. He's wearing a diaper and is really pissed off about something, so he kicks the shit out of the doctor. Then the credits roll. If you're not creaming your jeans after that denouement, then I really pity you. Next, we see Petey being trained by some dude in the ways of Karate. After a lengthy series of shots of the kid learning the ways of the ninja, he says that what he really wants to be is a comedian. Then cut to the adult Petey, Rudy Ray Moore, doing his stand-up about bitches with fat asses and shit like that. Petey is the big time, so when it is announced he's opening his act in direct competition with rival comedians Leroy and Skillet, they decide his ass needs taken out. That's right folks, they don't fuck around when it comes to the world of stand-up comedy. Doing your show within a day of Leroy and Skillet's must invariably lead to murder. So these unfunny funnymen, (one of them looks just like the Reverend Al Sharpton and the other wears a Gilligan hat), get a dude named Scarface Willie to do a drive-by on a kid that was putting up signs for Petey's show. Only in a Rudy Ray Moore movie would you see this, from the point of view of the guy killing the kid, no less. Anywho, there's a funeral for the kid, and Willie and some other mobster dudes show up and just massacre everybody. The Devil shows up and offers Petey a deal. He'll bring everyone back to life and let Petey use the Devil's magic pimp cane to get revenge, as long as Petey marries Lucifer's fugly ass daughter. He agrees, knowing he can outsmart the Devil, because he's Rudy Ray Moore, goddammit! From here on out, it's just pure hilarity. We get way too many watermelon jokes, Rudy laying down some phat rhymes, Scarface Willie dropping a deuce in his funky drawers, gratuitious use of Red Light in a basement to simulate Hell, bad language, Rudy using kung-fu on dudes while wearing nothing but green briefs with a green shirt tucked into them, Lucifer exercising in a red jogging suit, a concert scene of a really shitty band (possibly the same one from Dolemite), an orgy where Rudy just goes down a line of chicks with their legs up in the air in Benny Hill fast-forward mode, a bunch of fights with demons that are nothing more than brothers in capes with plastic horns on their foreheads, and the greatest musical montage in film history-- Rudy going around town, using the Magic Pimp Cane for acts of good, not evil. The movie is worth owning for this alone. Rudy makes a fat bitch in a lawn chair skinny, turns a cheating husband into a puppy, and tries to comb a little black kid's afro, which makes no improvement in the child's hair, but manages to make the poor little bastard cry. Then Rudy struts down the street in slow-mo, doing his little Dolemite head bop while the funk plays and money falls from the sky. For me, this sequence is the defining moment in movie history. You have to see it! |
| 3 out of 5. It may be the most amateurish and juvenile attempt at moviemaking ever. But it's entertaining in it's badness. They should make schools watch this movie every year. There should be a monument built of Petey Wheatstraw with the Devil's Magic Pimp Cane held high over his head. Leroy and Skillet should have a show on UPN. There should be Depends commercials featuring Scarface Willie. Lucifer should have an exercise show on ESPN 2. What I'm trying to say-- this film is a national treasure that should be seen and revered by all. Rudy Ray Moore is a genius, and folks, this is his greatest achievement. |
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