Dear Crabby,
Am I losing my mind, or what? Today when my maid got here, she told me, “Necesito Pledge, Windex, and un Swiffer, por favor.”
I ran to the store and picked up the Pledge, Windex, and a few other items on sale (paper towels, toilet paper), but completely forgot the Swiffer. When I got home, she looked at me and said, “Donde es el Swiffer?”
That poor girl works her butt off for me, and here I couldn't even remember to pick up everything she asked me to get. Should I be worried about losing my mind?
- Needs Ginkoba
Dear Needs Ginkoba,
Forget the mind that you're LOSING and let's worry about the mind you aren't USING! Are you telling me that your maid--you know, the person that works for YOU--REQUIRES a SWIFFER? What the heck is wrong with an old fashioned mop??
Ay caramba! Necesito una cerveza!
-Crabby
Dear Crabby,
My husband doesn't remember ANYTHING. I mean, I can tell him something important, and five minutes later it's like I never said a thing! I'm tired of repeating myself, and even more tired of him forgetting important things, events, plans, etc. Help!
- Forgotten
Dear Forgotten,
Did you ask me something?
Ha! Just kidding, my dear. The problem is that you don't have his full attention. You need to bracket everything important by first saying the phrase "blow job." Then, when this gets his attention, say your peace, and finish it up with "and if you forget the end of this conversation, you can be sure I'll forget the beginning." Works every time.
-Crabby
Dear Crabby,
My dad is 83 years old and has a lot of trouble understanding what I say because he is hard of hearing. He tried one hearing aid that didn't work, and then just gave up. I don't know how much time I have left with him, and his difficulty with understanding the simplest words and phrases makes our conversations...well...SIMPLE (and frustrating!). How can I get this stubborn old man to find the right hearing aid so that we can communicate again?
- Frustrated Child
Dear Frustrated Child ,
I believe flash cards are in order here. Make a big honking stack of them, pack them up, and go visit your father.
The first time he doesn't hear what you say to him, start flashing. Explain that since he won't get his own hearing aid, you had to bring your own.
If he continues in his stubbornness, megaphones and bullhorns can sometimes create the level of embarrassment needed for desired results.
Good luck, my child.
-Crabby
All letters to Dear Crabby become her property, now and forever.
If you don't like it, contact the complaint department.