I had a dream where I was sitting at Baba's feet, crying uncontrollably, asking Baba not to leave. Baba ignored me and got up and left. I woke up crying, saying, "Baba's Leaving!" I realized it was only a dream. It was 4:30a.m. and it was still dark outside. No sooner did I put my head on my pillow, to go back to sleep, when a man came pounding on my door shouting, "Baba's leaving! Baba's leaving!" Confused, I threw on some clothes and went running towards the temple. People were already gathered there and just as I got there, Baba's car drove past me and disappeared into the darkness!
Someone explained to me that Baba was going to his other ashram in Bangalore. In 1988, nobody knew when Baba would leave. Baba would just get up and go as he chose. I decided to stay at Puttaparthi and wait for Baba to return. I was too afraid to do any more traveling in India.
I had a simple room to myself in the ashram. The room was bare, except for a sleeping mat, a mosquito net and a small picture of Baba that someone had pasted on the wall. Everyday, I would pray to that picture of Baba, asking for direction and telling him of the void in my life. Two weeks passed before Baba returned. During this time, I got very sick with a terrible bout of dysentery. I lost quite a bit of weight.
I had heard that Baba called people for personal interviews. It was entirely up to Baba who was called. I hoped and prayed he would call me. I tried joining a group, but they would not let me join. I was on my own. One day, during Bhajan, as I was staring at Baba and asking him to speak to me, I heard the word "tomorrow" resound very loudly in my head. What did it mean? "Tomorrow"? I dismissed it because it seemed like a rather vague word.
The next day, as I was sitting for Darshan, I felt as if Baba would never call me. I didn't know what to do. As Baba approached me, I thought to myself, "He is going to pass by me again." Baba came walking close to me and his eyes met mine. Baba said, "What do you want?" I said, "An interview." Baba said, "Go." I was completely overwhelmed. I could not stop crying. For the first time in my life, I felt like my prayers had been heard. I am sure everyone thought I was dying because I could not stop crying! ((laughs)) Finally, Baba came and directed about 15 of us into the main interview room. Besides me, there was an Indian man with his sick son and an Indian family. Baba looked at the Indian man and said, "Australia." The man nodded his head and said that he was, indeed, from Australia. I sure couldn't tell. He looked Indian to me in dress and appearance. Then, Baba sat down in a chair and started talking to the Indian family. Baba told them that they had been quarreling among themselves. Baba told them every detail of the quarrel, including who said what to whom, etc. The family was surprised and everyone kept nodding their heads. Baba said, "I know. I know." Baba took the Indian man and his sick son into a private room and talked to them. Baba also talked to some of the members of the Indian family. Then, Baba called me into the private room. Baba told me, "You worry too much!" Baba told me how I had been very sick (which was true) and Baba said, "I know. I know. I even know about you praying to my picture in your room!" I was stunned. Baba told me to observe celibacy and he raised his palm to my face and drew small circles, with his thumb, on his fingers, and a thick, green oil materialized. It was wonderfully fragrant! Even to this day, I can not forget how wonderful that fragrance was! It was a delicate and fine mixture of many fragrances like jasmine, rose and sandlewood. The predominant smell was eucalyptus. Baba applied this to my lower stomach. Baba told me, "Do not worry. It will ensure a long and peaceful life." Baba told me some other things as well. Then, Baba hugged me and the interview was over! I was so overwhelmed, I could not talk!
After staying with Baba 2 months, my visa was about to expire and it was time to leave. Just before I left Baba, I had a beautiful dream of Baba. In the dream, Baba was wearing a white robe and Baba was holding my hand. I asked Baba, "When will I be back?" Baba said, "Very soon." (Little did I know that "very soon" turned out to be 14 months!) I returned to Calcutta and related my wonderful experiences to Barin and Pratima. Pratima told me that even though they had amrita manifesting from their pictures, and even though their family had been Baba devotees for 10 years, they never had the opportunity to have an interview with Baba. I was very lucky.
So, back to America I came. Transformed. Alive. And 40lbs lighter! |
