From the start, my sponsors impressed upon me that a daily contact with God was necessary to maintain any balance with self. I didn’t know how. It was suggested that I pray every day. I realized that I had to believe in something that was greater than myself. It was a slow process. I was so far down, that almost anything was a step up. My sponsors suggested that I ask God each morning to show me what He has in store for me on a daily basis, and give thanks Him to each evening for allowing me to suck air another day on His world. The prayers were slowly becoming habit. Soon, I began to feel the spirit grow inside me.
Throughout this writing, you will see that a very high value on spirituality is placed. No one tried to change my beliefs, nor do I wish to change yours save this one point. Through a profound belief in something greater than self, you can realize your greatest potential. In other words, as I was told, “there is a God, and you ain’t it.”
Others who had similar experiences were placed in my life as I needed them. In their sharing, I learned that I was not unique. They guided me by their example and experience toward shedding the bindings of the Spirit. It was my first lesson of many regarding the Spirit. Admit your faults, fears, and wrong doings to God and one other living being. Then try to repair the damage you caused.
In order to free my spirit I had to go within. I went to my darkest recesses where I hid my most terrifying secrets. Having revisited the past and stirring up feeling thought long dead, I sought out my sponsors for advise on how to rid myself of the ill feelings I was having. My blood ran cold when I learned that I had to share my innermost secrets with someone. It is funny how I dreaded this part of my spiritual awakening. I fretted for weeks about it. But then the churning inside grew so intense that I chose a trusted sponsor to listen to those darkest secrets. He did not sit in judgment, remaining silent until I finished telling all. The insight from his Spirit made me see that I was neither as bad, nor great as I thought I was. My sponsor also told me that God forgave and loved me. I didn’t know what to do with that, but it was something that I needed to hear. Still, I felt worthless; I was advised by my sponsor to forgive myself. Forgiveness was not one of the things I did easily. It was a struggle, but had to be done in order to break free of self.
Once exposed to the truth, the bindings of the Spirit were beginning to release, where I could became teachable and receptive to a healing way of life. I had made my first bond with the Spirit and with God. It didn’t hurt nearly as much as I had thought that it would.
What It Is Like Now |
