I will only give a urine sample when asked to
The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
I am not Batman’s love child
Beans are neither fruit, nor musical
Nobody reads these anymore
No one wants to hear my armpits
I was not the sixth Beatle
Goldfish don’t bounce
The teacher is not a leper
Coffee is not for kids
A burp is not an answer
I am a cartoon character
I will never win an Emmy
My name is not Dr. Death
I am not deliciously saucy
Funny noises are not funny
I will return the Seeing-Eye dog
I do not have diplomatic immunity
Mud is not one of the four food groups
No one is interested in my underpants
Underwear should be worn on the inside
The principal’s toupee is not a Frisbee
All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy
Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
This punishment is not boring and pointless
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
Nerve gas is not a toy
I do not have power of attorney over first-graders
Science class should not end in tragedy
My butt does not deserve a website
I did not learn everything I need to know in Kindergarten
I saw nothing unusual in the teachers lounge
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
Organ transplants are best left to professionals
There was no Roman God named “Farticus”
I do not have a cereal named after me
Silly String is not a nasal spray
There are plenty of businesses like show business
The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with “Hail Satan”
I did not invent Irish Dancing
A burp in a jar is not a science project
Rudolph’s red nose is not alcohol-related
Butt.com is not my E-mail address
No one cares what my definition of “is” is
I am not a licensed hairstylist
“The President did it” is not an excuse
My Mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld
Sherri does not “Got Milk”
I will stop talking about the twelve-inch pianist
The boys room is not a water park
Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things
Hillbillies are people too
Grammar is not a time of waste
No one wants to hear out my sciatica
I am not a 40-year old woman
The truth is not out there
It does not suck to be you
A trained ape could not teach gym
Loose teeth don’t need my help
I will finish what I sta
Making Milhouse cry is not a science project
The Giving Tree is not a chump
I’m so very tired
I have neither been there or done that
Fun does not have a size
Shooting paintballs is not an art form
“The Simpsons Halloween Special IX”
Adding “Just Kidding” doesn’t make it okay to insult the principal
Vampire is not a career choice
“Bewitched” does not promote Satanism
The Good Humor Man can only be pushed so far
High Explosives and School don’t mix
Spitwads are not free speech
Garlic gum is not funny
I did not see Elvis
I am not licensed to do anything
They are laughing at me, not with me
Tar is not a plaything
“Bart Bucks” are not legal tender
The Christmas Pageant does not stink
Nobody likes sunburn slappers
I cannot absolve sins
I will never lie about being cancelled again
It’s potato, not potatoe