The first amendment does not cover burping
Milhouse did not test cootie positive
I am not my long-lost twin
I will only do this once a year (Episode Edit Special)
Over forty and single is not funny
I will not whittle hall passes out of soap
I will not bribe Principal Skinner
I will not drive the principal’s car
I will not Xerox my butt
I will not draw naked ladies in class
I will not do that thing with my tongue
I will not drive the principal’s car
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
I will not get very far with this attitude
I will not sell land in Florida
I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
I will not do anything bad ever again
I will not show off (written in bold Gothic lettering)
I will not bribe Principal Skinner
I will not squeak chalk
I will not burp in class
I will not sleep through my education
I will not strut around like I own the place
I will not complain about the solution when I hear it
I will not bite the hand that feeds me Butterfingers
I will not call my teacher “Hot Cakes”
I will not yell “FIRE” in a crowded classroom
I will not send lard through the mail
I will not sell school property
I will not trade pants with others
I will not fake my way through life
I will not instigate revolution
I will not hang donuts on my person
I will not grease the monkey bars
I will not belch the National Anthem
I will not do the “Dirty Bird”
I will not file frivolous lawsuits
I will not scream for ice cream
I will not fake seizures
I will not bury the new kid
I will not aim for the head
I will not sell miracle cures
I will not defame New Orleans
I will not encourage others to fly
I will not prescribe medication
I will not bring sheep to class
I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
I will not snap bras
I will not carve gods
I will not waste chalk
I will not spank others
I will not barf unless I’m sick
I will not eat things for money
I will not skateboard in the halls
I will not conduct my own fire drills
I will not torment the emotionally frail
I will not call the Principal “Spud Head”
I will not yell “She’s Dead” at roll call
I will not go near the Kindergarten turtle
I will not celebrate meaningless milestones
I will not charge admission to the bathroom
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
I will not use abbrev.
I will not mess with the opening credits
I will not say “Springfield” just to get applause
I will not cut corners
“ “
I will not write subliminAL messaGOREs
I will not (Bart then picks up an axe and starts to chop up the chalkboard, 300th episode)
I will not speculate how fat the teacher used to be