In all honesty, these movies were both garbage. Sure, I laughed, but sparsely and constantly I found myself stating “what trash this is” during the down points. I don’t expect people to agree with my opinions, but having devoted my life thus far to the life of comedy I can critique the performances of others well.
The Anchorman starring Will Ferrell once again goes to prove that he as an actor is not that funny when given the spotlight (the same with Jack Black) and is best off with other comedian actors. Or dead in a ditch somewhere, that’s funny nowadays. I give the film a B- for effort though, but Will’s really let himself go after Elf. I don’t blame him because that one was made-for-TV as well. I want my $3.50 from Blockbuster back for this.
Mistakes: A lousy attempt to make good humor out of use of the F-bomb and trying to incorporate a “jazz flute” without even holding it properly or moving his hands as if he were trying to play one. Will Ferrell is not funny anymore, people. Soy apesadumbrado, mis amigos.
Napoleon Dynamite is a teen flick about a high school dweeb in Idaho who helps his best friend Pedro win the Class Presidency while coping with his weird family. Although many of my friends at school constantly quote this movie, I have much experience in the field of “being a unique personality” and I can say at best, this movie deserves a C+ for good usage of a llama. However, the Monty Python cast still reigns as the Llama Champions. Gawd!
Mistakes: The entire movie was as empty as Napoleon’s personality and the script was poorly written. The “preppy snob girl” was played by Hilary Duff’s sister, and that’s a big no-no for me. I am as sick of the entire Duff family as I am of the “Support Our Troops” car magnets. I have more talent in Superfly than was displayed in the whole film, and if you’re going to make remote Dungeons and Dragons references, you could at least do it right. Like make a few multi-sided dice jokes, or maybe mention your character sheet. Duh!
2-12-05: The Phantom of the Opera and The Aviator
These two were more opposite than John Kerry’s view on a single subject. (coughownedcough) One was the rizzle fo’ shizzle and the other sucked the world’s biggest…. I’m not even going to go there. Let’s just cut to the reviews.
The Phantom of the Opera was reviewed somewhat poorly and unfairly by the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, in my opinion. Andrew Lloyd Webber was even brought in to make sure this would be a cult classic just like the ever-popular Broadway hit performance! C’mon, this is the same guy who made Cats, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, and Jesus Christ Superstar! Clearly, a talented genius who made sure his movie was just as good as the play I saw when I was about 7 or so. I didn’t understand it then, but a band performance, book and memorization of the soundtrack later, I only misunderstood a few minute details—all of which he brought clearly on the big screen.
Mistakes: During a few scenes, the Phantom could have really used some voice lessons. Also, while it is very true to the book in a few scenes (even beyond the play), Webber still refuses to note that it was Christine’s grandmother who told her about the Angel of Music, not her father. But alas, it’s probably easier to chop out a minor character such as her and put her words on the deceased father, who was already inspiration for an entire song and apparently a sparring match which never happened but was kinda cool and took up time.
EDIT: It seems that different versions of the book place emphasis on different characters, sometimes rewriting the part. In my own copy of the book, the father is the prominent figure and the grandmother is actually the widow of her father’s old friend, who continues to give Christine advice throughout the book.
Meanwhile, The Aviator was a total piece of crap. Leonardo DiCaprio made me laugh and wish his character would die already just like he did in Titanic five years ago. I’m adding him to my list of no-go’s, along with Will Ferrell from now on. This movie tried to illustrate a point, and not only did it get it across, but got me freaked out about germs, even worse because I had a cold at the time. Whatever the award nominators were high on to think this was worth anything, I humbly request that they pass some along to me so that I may quit spewing out hatred for this… thing. Right now as I type this, the only thing I hate worse than it has the initials TKW. Trust me, that’s not a good thing.
Mistakes: Movie. Too. Long. I checked my watch every 10 minutes at least, and I can say with utmost confidence that in the time it took to run that load of feces diarrhea, I coulda snuck into the 9:00 showing of Phantom and still exited the theatre at the same time my parents did.
How to Improve This Film: Kill Leo DiCaprio within the first ten minutes of the movie. No, not his character, just him in general. Bah! I’m going to be haunted by the image of his tuchas for a long time in my sleep! Not even my Angel of Bad Polka Music could reverse the damages done to my retinas!!
