Sergeant Hoppers was a purple frog
Who had a green baton
And when the gaggle of goats had fought their war,
He just kept hopping on.
Pasta noodles were his pals—
Bob, Joe, Jake, and Jim
But in contests of eating pickles
None could ever beat him.
Sergeant Hoppers loved to party
With terminally ill kids,
But in buying cures for cancer
eBay always beat their bids.
Sergeant Hoppers, hop-hop Hoppers
Hippity hoppity Hoppers
I can rhyme orange if I use car hinge
Do you like blenders, Sergeant Hoppers?
My arm has rigor mortis,
It’s what you’d call a lucky stiff
Would you prefer being gassy in a field
To eating a jar of JIF?
Twenty-six trombones led the big parade
With ten trumpets in the front
But Hoppers loved the big bassoon
And it’s funny low pitched grunt.
He played “King of the Airplane”
In winning he’d never fail
Even when terrorist attacks
Made the other patrons bail.
Sergeant Hoppers, hop-hop Hoppers
Hippity hoppity Hoppers
You beat the dragon with a spork
Go up a level Hoppers
Your father’s name was Señor Ribbits
He was very wise
Until one day he up and croaked
And now he’s covered with flies!
After his death had passed awhile
Vishnu gave you a quest
For ten chili beans and a rubber band
And a common household pest
So just keep hopping onward
With your dainty little floppers
Say your name with lots of pride
“My name is Sergeant Hoppers!!”
Sergeant Hoppers, hop-hop Hoppers
Hippity hoppity Hoppers
Your song is over, it was quite delicious
Get the heck off my stage Hoppers
Here’s a llama, there’s a llama
And another little llama
Fuzzy llama, funny llama,
Llama, llama, duck
Llama, llama, cheesecake, llama
Tablet, baked potato, llama
Llama, llama, mushroom, llama
Llama, llama, duck
I was once a treehouse, I lived in a cake
But I never saw the way the orange slayed the rake
I was only three years dead but it told a tale
And now listen, little child, to the safety rail
Did you ever see a llama
Kiss a llama
On the llama
Llama’s llama
Tastes of llama
Llama, llama, duck
Half a llama
Twice a llama
Not a llama
Farmer, llama
Llama in a car
Alarm a llama, llama, duck
Is that how it’s told now?
Is it all so old?
Is it made of lemon juice?
Doorknob, ankle, cold
Now my story’s getting thin
I’ve run out of luck
Time for me to retire now
And become a duck
This person,
No matter what she wins over,
Still wants the world.
Forests,
Mountains,
Deserts and sky.
Still yearning.
The continents
and the cities,
still uncontrolled.
You give her serfs,
Her own land for her dark fortress of DOOM,
Still she takes to the throne.
And countries: grant her the largest tract,
still its not large enough
to rule the Earth from.
When I am an elder mortal I will be
overlord
Just as planned in my youth, and
control the world,
And I shall waste my ill-gotten gains on
becoming immortal
And while you all suffer, I will laugh evilly
from my dark fortress.
I will rule with an iron fist while
I'm hailed
And munch the finest delicacies
while others starve
And show no compassion to my foes
(nuke them!)
And thank God I was not naive when I was a
child
I will crush the hopes and dreams of all of you
And forever and a day you will feel my wrath
abysmal
And you'll suffer.
