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Chelsea had the most exciting news. She burst into the room shouting, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news! Nick asked me to marry him. He is like the biggest hunk in Washington. We are supposed to get married next month. Bill took Chelsea in the back and said, "Chelsea, your mother, although an ideal administrator and public speaker, has never had much to offer in the sack, so, as you might have heard, I have been known to fool around with other ladies on occassion. Your boyfriend Nick happens to be the product of one of my love making sessions. He is my son and thusly, he is your half-brother." Chelsea ran out of the office screaming, "Not another brother!" She rushed to her mother's side, telling her about her all about dad's shameful behavior and how every man she dated turns out to be one of her father's illegitimate sons. Hillary began to laugh and said, "Don't pay any attention to him. He isn't really your father anyway."
A tourist is in Spain, and goes to a fancy restaurant for dinner. As he looks around, he notices a diner being served a beautifully garnished dish with two gigantic meatballs in the middle. When the waiter asks him for his order, the man asks him about the meatball dish. The waiter explains that the meatballs are bull's testicles, and when the bull loses the bullfight, the bull is brought to the restaurant, and this beautiful dish is made. The diner tells the waiter that he wants the bulls testicles for dinner, but the waiter tells him that only one bull a day is brought to the restaurant, but he can have it tommorrow. The diner agrees. The next day the diner goes to the restaurant, and orders the testicle dish. When his food is brought out, he notices that the meatballs are extremely small. He mentions this to the waiter, and the waiter replies, ''Well sir you have to understand, sometimes the bull wins''.
Q: Why did the blonde keep taking off and putting the Pepsi bottle cap back on? A: Because it said, ''Sorry, try again.''
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!'' The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''
What's Bill Clinton's definition of safe sex? When Hillary's out of town!
Ru Paul, Bill Gates, and Roger Ebert are all struck by lightning on the same day. All three find themselves in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. They start begging him to give them another chance at life. St. Peter agrees but on one condition: they each have to give up something they truly enjoy. Ru Paul says, "I really love men, but I will give up screwing around with them." Bill Gates says, "I really love money, but I will give up all the money I have." Ebert says." I really love food, but I'll give up pizza." Soon, all three find themselves back on Earth. They start walking down street feeling very grateful. Suddenly, Ebert spots a pizzeria. He smells the aroma and can't help himself — he runs in there and eats a slice of pizza. POOF! He disappears. Ru Paul and Bill Gates are astonished and agree that that won't happen to them. So they resume walking down the street when Bill Gates spots a shiny, new quarter. He thinks that if he picks it up, he can found a new company and become fabulously wealthy again. He bends down to pick up the quarter and POOF! Ru Paul disappears.
