And I hide all the pain that I've gained with my wisdom
And I'm eaten alive by what I hold inside
All the things that I live with I can't easily hide
And I'm left here with nothing, nothing to live for
It's not easy to hide
All this damage inside
I'll carry it with me
Until I'm not alive
When you look at my face, does it seem just as ugly?
To you?
I can't seem to erase all the scars I have lived with
I'm so sick of this place
This taste in my mouth
Cause of you I can't figure what I'm all about
And I'm left here with nothing, nothing to live for
**Staind- Excess Baggage
The desire to go on is gone.
All the strength I thought I once had
Has drained out of me with each tear I've cried.
I can't wake up
I'm in a horrible dream.
Tossing and turning
Screaming and kicking
And there's no one around to save me.
I'm ready to jump off that cliff again.
I'm not afraid of what lies at the bottom.
Nothing could be worse than where I am now.
If I jump
I will either wake up from this horrible place,
Or I won't wake up at all.
Instead fall deep into a world of no pain.
The feelings are strong with it.
The reasons why are justifiable.
Opportunity is knocking on the door.
It upsets me more that I would even consider.
I can't help but think that I am never going to change.
No medicine can save me,
But enough of it sure could kill me.
Not just on you
But on everything.
I had decided not to bother,
That even if I fought
It would do no good.
Now everyone is pushing me,
Telling me to be strong,
That I can do it,
But what do they know?
They don't know how I feel.
They don't see me lying here,
Crying like a baby at night.
They don't feel the pain I feel.
The feeling of being so worthless.
They don't hear the thoughts in my head.
Only I do
And I am tired of it.
It feels like I have been asleep for the past week.
Someone please tell me that was a dream.
I've been listening to everyone talk,
Hearing them say how they felt,
How they cried.
This can't be real.
I didn't do that to everyone,
I didn't do that to myself,
Or did I?
I remember searching for the pills
And emptying the bottles on my bed.
I remember the bitter taste after I swallowed them,
I remember the blood seeping out from under my skin.
Tracing each vein with that sharp blade.
But how come it doesn't seem real?
I have the scars on my wrists.
I have the memories of the time in the hospital,
But yet I'm still waiting for someone to wake me up.
