I cant do that again! i dunno how i even got through it this time. I have never been so scared in my entire life! Ive never seen my entire life fall apart in such a short time. and the doctor says to get used to it. that this will happen a lot from now on. fuck that! FUCK THAT! I CANT! I AM NOT STRONG ENUF! ive been expecting this for so long. i have rehearsed it over in my head a million times. i cant stop it in my mind. it keeps replaying over and over and over and over again! i keep hearing her say those few phrases every few seconds! SHEENA! HELP ME! HELP ME! SHEENA! OH GOD IT HURTS! OWW!! i keep watchin her fall to the floor. seeing her lay on the ground screaming in pain! not even screaming. just tying to get the words out. not her voice.  not my mom! i felt so helpless. she threw my door open and i woke up from the bang it made as it hit the wall. then her screaming. i could hear he pain. she couldnt breathe, but she kept yelling out those words. i jumped out of bed calling out to her. MOM! WHATS WRONG. OH MY GOD! MOM! I couldnt see her. i couldnt find my glasses. i didnt know what to do. i panicked. i couldnt stop her pain. i called 911.i called dad. i dont even know what i said. and i fell to my knees next to he.r.I  was afraid to touch her. but i touched her head and i  wanted to tell her everything was gonna be ok. but i didnt know. i thought this was it. i thought ........................ SHEENA! HELP ME! HELP ME! she started coughing and i thought she was gonna puke. she started choking and she couldnt breathe! she was crying in pain. HELP ME! IT HURTS! OH GOD IT HURTS!