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The case for the euro


By Peter Izzard-Buckby

The other EU nations have joined the euro and it is proving to be a great success. Interest rates, inflation unemployment and all economic problems have been solved for good. The people of these nations showed their overwhelming support in, erm, well the Finnish referendum on entry to the EU (because of a bit in the Maastricht treaty). This support for the euro is replicated in Britain with Britain in Europe polls showing 90% of Britons supporting the euro*

We live in a global economy. People go on holiday and the weather is not confined to one country. It rains in Britain and the same cloud can rain in France. People buy goods from abroad. In my local Woolworths there are goods from Europe. We are not isolated anymore. 90% of our trade is with the Europe. If we did join the euro no one would buy these goods and 100 million UK jobs would be destroyed each week. Our new pro-EU campaign Winston Churchill Bulldog National Patriotic Independence Democracy Lovers for Europe has shown that if Britain does not join the euro by Tuesday week it will turn into Western Sahara.

Euro Supporters come from a wide background and have many different reasons for joining the EU. For example:

Roy Hattersley - hates the Conservatives
Peter Mandelson - ask someone who can be bothered to read all those new world order things
Tony Blair - see Mandelson; wants to be Fuhrer of Europe
British Midland, Nestle etc - greedy bastards
Eddie Izzard - thick as shit

Whearas euro-haters tend to be rascists, war veterans or people who don't know the truth. We need a campaign to get people to support the euro. Once they hear our killer arguments people will love the euro. Our arguments are currently locked in safe but will be brought out into the open soon.

Soon we will have a referendum on the euro, in which the British people will vote yes by 56% to 44% (the figure decided upon by the Prime Minister's advisors, Mugabe-Hussain-Jeb Bush Election Overseers). The eurosceptics can emigrate to Gibraltar or the Falkland Islands, and again when the EU gives them to Spain and Argentina.
* in preference to a nuclear holocaust

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