Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN DIGIMON! I DO NOT OWN THE JERRY SPRINGER SHOW. The Matt (Jerry) Springer show! Several years after the digidestined rescued the digital world, Davis and TK are still fighting over Kari, eventually, they get to the Matt Ishida show. Crowd: Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt: Hey there, welcome to the show. Today were working out a lot of different problems, due to popular demand the show is five hours long, but I don't know if we'll take care of everything in that time period. Backstage: Yolei: Go on Davis, your first. A/N: Yolei is Matt's Director, Producer, and she takes care of the guests. She also plans the Christmas party. Stage Matt: Say hello to Davis! Crowd: BBBOOOOOO! Man: Look at his hair! Woman: He's a loser! Davis: Hi every body, I'm happy to be here! Matt: So Davis, what's this problem you're dealing with? Davis: What? You know all about me and Kari, Matt! Matt: (nervously) Uh, yes, but please enlighten our viewers at home, and in the audience. Davis: Well okay. Me and my girl Kari, we have a great relationship, but this (beep) T.K. is always following her around and stuff so it ruins our chances, and she pretends she likes him to humor him, but I know she loves me. Crowd: BBBOOOOOO! Matt: Oh? Yolei: (Screams) OH GOD! STOP, YOU CAN'T GO OUT YET! T.K.: That's a lie you mother (beep) Kari never liked you! You (beep)-ing stalker! You have pictures of her all over your walls, floor, and ceiling! And you've given her date rape drugs twice! Davis: That's a filthy lie, you slept with another girl, you take pictures of her in the shower, you always go over to play soccer with Tai, but really your going to their house to bug me and Kari! T.K.: You jerk! I'll tare you up! (Picks up a chair) Crowd: Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Yolei: Izzy! A/N: Tired of being called egg head by the kids at school, Izzy went to the gym where he worked out night and day and is now Matt's top security guard Izzy: Okay T.K. put the chair down! (Grabs T.K.) Guy in crowd: (Tries to start a chant) Izzy! Izzy! Izzy! Izzy! Davis: C'mon wus! You want a piece of me? You want a piece of Daisuke? C'mon (beep) let him go Izzy! C'mon wus! Izzy lets T.K. go and T.K. charges Davis with a chair Crowd: Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Davis: What did you let him go for? AAAHHHH! I know karate! Izzy separates them and throws them in their chairs. Yolei adjusts her skirt and goes back stage. Izzy stands between Davis and T.K. Matt: Okay, now . . . uh . . . I guess . . . T.K., what's your grasp on the situation with Kari? Woman: Yeah! Tell us Gilligan! Man: Yeah! Hey, can you set me up with Mrs. Howell? T.K.: Hey shut the (beep) up you (beep)-ing (beep) face, (beep) sick jack (beep) talking about an old, old woman! Woman: Kiss my (beep) Crowd: Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! T.K.: (beep) you! Hoe! Matt: Calm down now T.K. So tell me T.K. how do you see your relationship with Kari? T.K.: Well, we've been friends since we were seven, I guess I started making passes on her when we were about ten, that's when Davis started too, but Kari always liked me better, I bet Davis is just jealous! Anyway, me and Kari were at a club dancing when Davis comes in, dancing with his ugly sister, and bumps into me, pushes me away and starts dancing with Kari, and leaves me trying to get away from his sister! Matt: Wow. I know that feeling. Davis: That's not true, T.K. dumped Kari for my sister, and anyway, what's one dance? T.K: I was going to say, that's when you slipped Kari a date rape and tried to (beep) her brains out! Davis: You put that date rape in her orange juice thinking it was my sisters liquor, and Kari went home with you anyway, how do we know you didn't rape her? T.K.: Cause Kari didn't go home with me dufus, she went home in an ambulance cause you over dosed her, dumb (beep) Matt: Okay, now might be a good time to bring Kari in and see how she feels. (Kari walks onto the stage, and sits between Davis and T.K.) Crowd: Ugly! Ugly! Ugly! Ugly! Ugly! (Kari sticks her tong out at them) Man: She's offering (beep) jobs! Guy in the crowd: What a (beep)! Matt: Kari, you were listening back stage, so tell me, how do you feel about these two boys? Kari: Well, what can I say, I like them both as friends, but if were ever going to be more than that they have to stop following me, taking pictures of me, that sort of thing, and that whole date rape thing, that's just going to have to end. Matt: Yeah? Kari: Yeah. And I went to get a bite to eat at McDonnell's with my big brother Tai. T.K. and Davis, well they ended up tying Tai up, and gagging him, then they threw him in the McDonnell's dumpster. Matt: Tai's your brother you say? And they knew this? Kari: (Gives Matt a weird look) Yes. T.K.: It was dark! I thought Tai was Davis! Davis: Really? Thanks man! Kari: It gets worse, Davis killed my cat and wrote "Davis and Kari forever" on my bedroom wall with my kitties blood! Matt: (Looks shocked) T.K.: (Laughs) You did that? Kari: OH but T.K, you come over to my house every morning and night, and sneak into the bathroom to take pictures of me in the shower! Crowd: WWHHHOOOOOAAAAAA! Kari: Oh yeah, and he takes money from my parents to buy me cheap jewelry! T.K.: Wha . . . No! I never did! It was Davis! Davis: Yeah! I mean, no, that was T.K.! (T.K. and Davis start fighting again, Izzy breaks them up, Kari notices Izzy's muscles and starts staring at him uncontrollably.) Matt: Okay, Kari, I think you'd better try to play a more neutral part, uh . . . is there any thing good about them? As boy friends? Kari: Oh, yeah sure, Uh, hey, when did Izzy start working out? Izzy: After high school. Matt: (Whispers) Uh-oh Davis: Hey, yeah, Izzy, man your buff! T.K.: Hey, Kari, what's good about your relationship with me or Davis? Kari: Oh? Oh yeah! Uh . . . well I guess the sex, yeah, the sex is okay. Davis and T.K. together: YOU'VE HAD SEX WITH HIM? Kari: Yeah, but I guess T.K. likes to snuggle to much after, and Davis wont shut up about how great it was. T.K.: What! Kari, how could you? Davis: Who did you do first? Kari: What? Am I supposed to be a virgin till I'm fifty? Davis: It was me rite? Kari: That's for me to know. Crowd: Ugly! Ugly! Ugly! Ugly! Ugly! Kari: Go to H E double Hockey sticks! Matt: Don't worry, Kari, just curse, we bleep it out later, and no matter what I say, every one always does it. Kari: Kay. Davis: It's okay Kari, I don't care that you've made love to that loser, just tell me, is the baby mine? Kari: Baby? What baby? I'm not so stupid as to have sex with two guys and not use protection, and anyway, I'm not like some sick (beep) I never just sleep with you guys, I only ever do it on special occasions, like your birthdays. Or other people's birthdays. T.K.: Oh yeah. (Shouts) Hey Yolei! Sorry about your cake! Yolei: (From back stage) S'all right! Davis: What? I never said you were a (beep) Kari. Kari: No you didn't, but that's for the audience. Man: What's for the audience? You gonna give me that (beep) job I asked for? Woman: Can you do me too? Kari: (beep) you! T.K.: Yeah! Leave my girl alone! She's as sweet and beautiful as any super model! Crowd: Ugly! Ugly! Ugly! Ugly! Ugly! Kari: I cant take it any more! (Throws a chair into the crowd hitting Woman, and Guy in the crowd) Matt: Uh, Izzy, take her back stage. Kari: (Looks at Izzy with loving eyes) Could you carry me? Izzy: Wha? Uh, okay . . . (takes her in his arms, she wraps her arms around him) T.K.: What? How dare she! Davis: How dare she what? What did she do? Matt: Uh lets go to a commercial break! NOW! NOW YOLEI! Davis and T.K. start to fight as the show goes into a commercial break.
Disclaimer: I don't own digimon, or the Jerry Springer show, I wish I did but I don't. I don't know if Chocolate Clumps is an actual candy, but if it is, I don't own that either. A/N: I think I made Kari seem like to much of a slut last time, sorry Kari fans, I guess I MAY have gotten cared away . . . but don't think I'm going to stop, I'll make it up in some way latter. Last time, T.K. and Davis went on the Matt show to get relationship aide, however, after some rude chants from the crowd, Kari went ballistic and hurled a chair at them, Matt sent her back stage with his buff security guard Izzy, and ordered a commercial break. Commercial: So remember kids, if your parents don't buy you Chocolate Clumps, shoot them in the head! Crowd: Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt: Well, were back with Davis and T.K. if your just tuning in to our show, these two young men are in love with a young woman named Kari, who's back stage rite now. T.K.: (Indignantly) with Izzy. Matt: Uh, yeah, with every one's favorite security guard, Izzy. Now, T.K. and Davis, after hearing what Kari's said, how do you feel? Do you think you can meet some of her demands? Lack of date rape drugs? Stop taking pictures of her in the shower? Davis: Yeah no problem. T.K.: I suppose. I have enough naked pictures anyway. Crowd: Porn! Porn! Porn! Porn! Porn! Davis: Hey T.K. could I have some? T.K.: Can't hear you Davis. Davis: C'mon! Matt: Uh, what about you Davis? You going to give her date rape drugs? Davis: (Proudly) Only if she asks! T.K.: I still cant believe you killed Miko. Davis: Who? T.K.: The cat. Davis: . . . Matt: You two seem to be getting along fine with Kari gone. T.K.: Well, I guess, but I still love her and think she likes me better. Davis: Not! She likes me! Matt: Uh, okay guys, calm down. T.K.: She likes you, but she loves me! Davis: Vise versa baby! T.K.: What? What's that supposed to mean? Davis: It means, BRING IT ON YOU WEAK (beep)! T.K.: Yeah? Well c'mon loser! Matt: Stop! I bet Kari would be very disappointed to see you two acting this way. Davis: Why? She sees us like this all the time. T.K.: Yeah, I think she likes seeing us fight, I bet it makes her feel good! Davis: . . . That (beep) T.K.: I'm so sorry man . . . But I still love Kari! Davis: Me too! Matt: Were not going anywhere with this . . . Yolei, can we maybe get our next guest out here? Yolei: (Back stage) Yeah, sure. Back Stage Yolei: Go on Sora. Stage Matt: Please welcome Sora! Crowd: Guy! Guy! Guy! Guy! Guy! Sora: Shut up jerks! Matt: Don't bother, they never stop. Sora: Ought to shoot them. Matt: But Sora, how would I make a living if the season ticket holders were all assassinated? Sora and the crowd laugh Crowd: Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt: But honestly, why are you here Sora? Sora: Well, I've been married to a guy named Tai, you know him Matt. Matt: Yeah. Oh, I see we have a question. Man: Yeah. Hey is this Tai the same Tai that T.K. and Davis hog-tied? Sora: Yes. Matt: Yeah. Sora: So anyway, I love him to death, but I've found some one new, every time I try to tell him, I stop. He loves this show, and I was thinking maybe if I could tell him on this show, he wouldn't be so angry. Matt: Or maybe he'd feel incredibly humiliated. Sora: OH GOD NO! I DIDN'T THINK OF THAT! Crowd: Guy! Guy! Guy! Guy! Guy! Guy! Guy! Matt: So lets go to a comercial, then bring Tai in. Comercial: Are you board with your life? Then end it, GUNS GUNS GUNS! KNIVES KNIVES KNIVES! At the BIG GUN WAREHOUSE, we sell guns that will blow your head off, and if you dont have the guts, we can shoot you ourselves if you sighn certain papers! Comercial: If you need a boost in self estiem? THEN GET A LIFE LOSER! Back Stage Yolei: Okay Tai, go on. Matt: Welcome Tai! Crowd: (Applauds) Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Tai: (chants) Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! I love this show man. Matt: (modestly) Yeah, well, we are pretty popular. Tai: Yeah. It's been a while since we saw you, Izzy and Yolei. You guys doing okay here in America? Matt: Yeah. Izzy has his own brand of health bar, and Yolei throws the coolest Christmas parties. Tai: Cool. Man: Get on with it! Tai: Uh, well, anyway, I assume something's going wrong if I was brought here. (looks at Sora) You don't have cancer or anything, do you baby? Sora: Well no . . . Tai, I just want you to know . . . I do love you a lot. Crowd: Get on with it! Get on with it! Get on with it! Get on with it! Sora: Tai . . . Tai: Sora . . . Crowd: Get on with it! Sora: Tai! I'm leaving you for another man! I want a divorce! Tai: What? WHAT! Oh god! On my favorite TV show? On live TV? You do this to me on live TV? Sora . . . how could you? Sora: I'm sorry Tai. Crowd: Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Tai: Who is it? It's Matt isn't it! Matt: Hey now, wait a moment Tai- Tai: Matt, how could you? I thought you were my friend! (beep) I ought to kick your (beep)-ing (beep) you (beep) hole! I ought to (beep)-ing kill you! Davis: Whoa! Tai! T.K.: Don't hurt my brother! Crowd: Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Sora: It's not Matt Tai, it's . . . It's Cody! Tai: WHAT? Sora: I'm so sorry . . . but . . . it's just . . . he makes so much more money than you. A/N: Cody didn't work out at the gym like Izzy did, but he did become a famous child actor at age 19, then he took steroids and became a Canadian wrestler. He's known as Cody the Conqueror Tai: So where is that little (beep)? I wont hurt him, I'll just kill him! Yolei: NO NOT AGAIN! HOLD IT BOY! HOLD IT! Cody: Bring it on! I'll fight for my woman! Sora: Cody, don't! Tai: Your woman? She's not your woman, you don't own any title deed, she isn't wearing your ring! Cody: Bring it on (beep) Oh and Tai, disco is dead, get rid of the afro. Davis: Don't make fun of Tai's hair! Cody: Look Tai, you already have a new girl friend! Davis: Get over here! You (beep)! Cody: Bet you want Tai to (beep) your (beep) (beep) hole! Huh Davis? Davis: No! I love Kari! Cody: Yeah? Well . . . she looks like a guy. Crowd: Ugly! Ugly! Ugly! Ugly! Cody: YEAH! Matt: Well . . . he sure knows how to play the crowd. T.K.: Yeah. Sora: He's such a dreamboat. Matt: Dear lord. Kari: What is your problem Cody? I didn't do anything to you! Why are you insulting me? Cody: Shut the (beep) up! I only tell the truth, you're an ugly (beep) and you look like a (beep)! Kari: I am a (beep) I sleep with two men, there both childish, and I like wearing tight cloths, but that doesn't make me a bad person! What is your problem! Davis: Yeah! Your such a jerk! Cody: (beep) you! C'mon Sora, were leaving. Sora: I'm really sorry Tai. Tai: Yeah! Leave! I'll go out with . . . I'll start dating . . . YOU! Twelve year old girl in the crowd: Me? Tai: Yeah, but only a couple dates, maybe make out in the back seat of a car. Twelve year old girl: What? Twelve year old girl's mother: Hey you sick (beep) you leave my doughtier alone! Tai: (beep) you lady! Twelve year old girl: Uh . . . I kinda don't feel like having a relationship. Cody: HA! In your face Tai! Cant even get it on with a kid! Tai: Screw you. Kari: Cody, you can just blow me. Cody: If I wanted to blow your sagy green moss covered (beep), I'd get a cat scan first to see if I was still sane. Kari: Die (beep)! (charges Cody with a chair) Cody: (dodges) Ha! Well Kari, I have a secret weapon! Don't mess with me! Matt: HEY! SHUT THE (BEEP) UP! (every one stares at Matt.) Guy in the crowd: Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Crowd + Tai: Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt: This is MY show! And I warn you all, there are limits to my patience! I wont have you killing each other unless you sign a waver! Izzy: (Flexes his muscles in front of Kari) Matt: Izzy! Your not helping! Izzy: Oh sorry. Yolei: Uh, hey, Matt, how about we get back to Sora? Matt: Yes. Good idea Yolei. Crowd: Guy! Guy! Guy! Guy! Sora: Well, I . . . I got sort of scared by that little battle that just took place, and here I've fought evil digimon. T.K.: Man, I thought Cody was going to kill Kari. Kari: I notice you didn't do anything to stop him. Davis: HA! You suck T.K.! Kari: Your even worse Davis, at least T.K. was intelegent enough to stay out of it, you defended Tai but not me! I hate you both! (runs back stage crying) Izzy: I better follow her. Matt: I need you here. Yolei, you go after her. Izzy: But . . . Oh all right. Sora: Okay. Well, Cody and I have been seeing each other for a long time, but only recently did we start to (beep). Matt: Okay. Sora: And, I got pregnant. Cody: (pats his crotch) Good boy. Tai: Grow up. T.K.: Get a life you loser! Davis: I could get Kari pregnant if I wanted, don't be so pleased with yourself. T.K.: You cant get Kari pregnant you (beep)! Davis: (Beep) you! Sora: (loudly) SO ANYWAY! I was trying to think of a way to tell Tai, I love him, but I just love Cody more. Cody: Hear that Tai? Tai: . . . Sora: I'm sorry Tai. Tai: . . . as long as your happy Sora. Cody: Whay? I'm (beep)-ing your (beep) and your not mad? Tai: I'm mad, but I cant do anything about it. (starts to cry) Crowd: BBBOOOO! Cody: Don't boo me! Crowd: BBBOOOO! Tai: I hope you two are happy! Sora: Tai! I really am sorry! Crowd: (Beep)! (Beep)! (Beep)! (Beep)! Sora: Shut up you freaks! Man: Sick my rooster! Woman: It's (beep) not rooster. Guy in crowd: Stupid. Matt: Do you forgive her Tai? Tai: (pretending to cry) Uh-huh. Crowd: AAAAAAWWWWWW! Tai: I h-h-hope I can g-g-get over her. Matt: I am sure we all wish you the best. Cody: But he's faking! Chear for me! Boo at him! He's a losser! He couldn't even keep his ugly girl! Sora: Ugly? Crowd: Ugly! Ugly! Ugly! Ugly! Back Stage Kari: Are they calling me? Yolei: No, that's for Sora. Stage Cody: You all suck! Sora: I can believe you Cody! Cody: Well Sora, the truth is, I was only (beep)-ing you because your prettier than Kari, and I wanted to be the leader, and since Tai and Davis are the leaders, well . . . IT'S JUST NOT FAIR! I CANT FIND A WAY TO HURT THEM! Tai: AHA! The truth! You little scum! Cody: (beep) you Tai! Matt: Okay! Lets go on to our next couple . . . (Listens to a ear phone) (beep) it! We need more comercials? (beep)! Okay, Well, we'll be rite back with our next problem, after these messages.
Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon. Or Jerry Springer. Or Austin Powers. Luke: Hey that was boring. Can't you make it more interesting? Me: Huh? Luke: Add some car chases and shooting, and maybe some girls in bikinis. Me: Uh, okay, I'll try to remember that next time. Luke: You better. Me: Your not even in this story, wait your turn! Luke: Yeah rite. What ever. Me: Don't harass me, or I'll have something bad happen to you. Luke: Like what? Kari: This! (Smashes a chair over Luke's back) Me: Thanks. Kari: No problem. The Matt (Jerry) Springer Show Hour 3 (I'll keep going until I'm petitioned otherwise, or I reach the end of the show. And I WILL lay off the ugly jokes on Kari they are only jokes, I really think she was just SO adorable when she was a little baby, and I'll try to mellow Cody out.) Commercial: The Matt Ishida show, you watch it, you love it, it's the best five-hour show there is. And now, you can own Matt all for yourself! See Matt on the hidden cams in his home, see him sleep (shows a mini screen of Matt sleeping), eat breakfast (mini screen, Matt eats a bowl of serial), watch TV (Matt watched Digimon the movie), read fan mail (Matt reads e-mails on the computer), and so much more! (Small screen appears saying "Disclaimer, there is no more, were not creative") And for only twelve easy monthly payments of ninety-nine, ninety-nine, you can own this eight-hour video! That number again, 1-800-MATT, have your credit card ready! Matt: Were back! Crowd: Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt: Well, things are getting a little violent, so I took some precautions. T.K.: Matt made us sign wavers! Davis: Is that what it was? I thought it was the lunch order. I'm starving. Yolei: I was wondering who "Cheeseburger and French fries" was. Davis: (embarrassed look) Matt: Uh, yeah. Okay, It seams Tai and Sora patched up their relationship while we were at commercial. Tai: I love this show! Matt: Uh . . . yeah. Any way, it's time for our next guest, a mister . . . Ken? Back Stage Ken: I guess that's my cue. Stage Matt: Welcome Ken. Crowd: Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Ken: Yeah, well, I guess I'm happy to be here. But I don't have a girl friend, so I don't know who brought me on. Yolei: You don't have a girl? Great! Matt: Says here, on my clipboard, that you have problems with wanting to conquer the world. Crowd: Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Ken: It's true, I . . . I cant stop trying to conquer the world, and sucking my pinkie! Matt: Okay. Ken: And I got a hairless cat, I ware gray, I put a Halloween scar on when I go out side, and I ware a bathing cap so I look bald! And I don't know why I do it! Matt: Hum, just like Dr. Evil. Ken: That's rite, I force people to call me Dr. Evil! Matt: Uh, gee, have you ever seen Austin Powers? Ken: No. Never, could he help me? Davis: It's a TV show, a sick perverted TV show! T.K.: As sick as you having pictures of Kari all over your walls, ceiling, and floor? Davis: I don't know, how about taking pictures of Kari in the shower? T.K.: Burn in (beep) (beep) hole! Davis: Suck my (beep)! Woman: I'll do it for ten bucks! Davis: No way! You how old? Woman: (beep) you too! T.K.: (laughs at Davis) Ken: I need help! Matt: It may help, if we bring out the person who brought you on. Ken: Oh Kay. Davis: It's Okay, not Oh Kay. Ken: Rite, when I conquer the world, I'll have you shot. Matt: Our goal is to keep you from conquering the world. Ken: Okay. Matt: So . . . Hey, Yolei, get back stage! Yolei: (wakes up) Oh, sorry! Matt: Okay, Yolei, send out the guy who called Ken here. Back Stage Yolei: (yawn) Okay, go on Wormmon. Wormmon: Rite. Stage Matt: Okay, lets welcome . . . Wormmon? A Digimon? Ken: Wormmon? Wormmon: Ken, my best friend! Ken: (Pets his naked kitty cat) Wormmon: hhhhhiiiiiiiiisssssssssssssssssss Matt: Okay, Wormmon, take a seat. Can you tell us, why you decided to bring Ken on? Wormmon: That (beep)-ing cat! Get that thing out of my sight! It's stolen you from me Ken! Ken: Huh? That sounded so gay! Wormmon: (beep) that cat before I bite it's head off! Ken: Go Mr. Bigglsworth! Wormmon: That's better. If you handout send that (beep)-ing cat away, I'd have had to get mid-evil on it's (beep)-ing (beep)! Ken: Where's Mini-me? Wormmon: There is no mini you! Matt: Uh, Wormmon, could you explain the problem here? Wormmon: Well, one day, when Ken was going home from the digital world, he got zapped with a DVD, he thinks he is Doctor Evil. Matt: Yeah, we've learned this. Ken: You mean, I am not Doctor Evil? Wormmon: Fraid not. I didn't mind to much, it was funny, but then . . . You bought that . . . that (beep)-ing fur ball! Ken: I . . . I'm not Dr. Evil? Wormmon: That cat made my life miserable! It ate my food, It got all my petting time, It waltzed around the place naked, if I tried to do that, every one would tell me to put my exo-skeleton on! Matt: I can see a problem here. Wormmon: I just want some love, some affection! Ken: Come Mr. Bigglsworth, lets ignore this stupid bug! Mr. Bigglsworth: Meow. Matt: Oh boy. Crowd: Cat! Cat! Cat! Cat! Cat! Cat! Cat! Ken: I AM Doctor Evil! I'll conquer the world! Matt: Okay, Ken, you are not Dr. Evil. Ken: Yes I am! Matt: Then where's Scott? Ken: What? Davis: That's rite! Doctor Evil has a son named Scott, if you don't have a son named Scott, your not doctor Evil. Ken: What? NNNNOOOO! I CANT BELIEVE IT! NO! I CANT BELIEVE IT! Wormmon: Get over here you (beep)-ing cat from (beep)! Mr. Bigglsworth: Meow? Ken: I'm not Doctor Evil? But I went to evil medical school! No! No! I cant believe it! Matt: (sigh) Well, I guess that solves Ken's problem, lets go to a commercial, and I'll get you guys some lunch before we bring out our next guests. Davis: Awesome! Matt's the best! I want a Cheeseburger and French fires, and a pizza, and some chicken! Digidestined and Wormmon: Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Guy in crowd: What about us? Man: Yeah! Woman: Hey! Five hours of sitting on our (beep)s, not only is my rump asleep, but I'm hungry! Matt: We'll pass some crackers out or something. Yolei: Well, lets cut to a commercial as we, the cast of the Matt Ishida show, and the guests, go to get a bite! And I'll have some one pass out crackers! Guy in the crowd: With Cheese! Yolei: Don't be picky! Matt: With cheese. (Whispers to Yolei- they pay good money to come here) Yolei: Okay. Okay. With Cheese. Crowd: Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt!
Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon, I don't own the Jerry Springer show, and I don't own Austin Powers Luke: Stop with this story. What about mine? Matt: Yeah! Stop this story! I've been in some sick and pointless fics before, I've even made love to Tai before, but this is just terrible! Me: Simmer down. It's almost over. Luke: I want the people to know me! I want you to make my fic! What about me? Me: Oh grow up. Matt: But you have to stop this! This is degrading! Me: Don't make me do something mean again! Matt: Like what? Luke: Don't ask! The Matt (Jerry) Springer Show Hour 4 Commercial: You can have hair like a bald man in just five minutes! Come to the hair salon the stars go to, get a famous Q-Ball cut, and be popular! Matt: (Chewing) Well, were back after lunch. T.K.: That was great! Crowd: Matt1 Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! T.K.: So Matt, who's our next guest? Matt: I'll tell you as soon as Kari and Izzy get back from the bathroom. T.K.: What? Izzy: Relax, I respect Kari more than that. Kari: (pouts) Yeah! He does! I wish he didn't, but he does! Davis: What's going on? I still don't understand! Kari: And you never will. Davis: oh . . . that's good . . . rite? Matt: Okay, Yolei, send out our next guest, Mimi! Backstage Yolei: Okay Mimi, go ahead. Mimi: Rite, okay. Wish me luck. Yolei: You don't need it, they'll love you! Mimi: Great! Stage Matt: Welcome Mimi! Crowd: Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Mimi: Hi! Thanks! It's nice to be - (slips and falls) Crowd: (laughs and cheers) Matt: Nice to see nothing's changed. Mimi: Uh . . . yeah. Matt: So, Mimi, what brings you here? Mimi: Well, you see, I have a stalker, who thinks he's my boyfriend. Matt: Oh god. I'm afraid to ask. Mimi: But because you want good ratings . . . Matt: I have to. Mimi: His name is Joe. A/N: I am not a great big Mimoe fan, he's just one of the only people left, I really don't care weather Mimi ends up with Joe, Matt, Izzy, or who ever, so long as it isn't Tai, or that guy Michael. Matt: I knew it! I knew it! I was hoping Joe wouldn't stoop that low! Davis: I thought you liked Joe Mimi! Mimi: No! He's a sick stalker, he wont leave me alone, he quit trying to become a doctor so he could spend more time following me, he tried to get my attention by barging about how he can get what ever prescriptions he wants, and inviting me over to his place for a drug party! Guy in crowd: And you said no? You (beep)-ing moron! Mimi: Kiss my (beep) Guy in crowd: (gets out of his chair) if you say so baby! Mimi: EEEWWWW! Matt: Sir, please stay seated. Guy in the crowd: AAAWWWW man! Crowd: Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Kari: Well Mimi, I guess you're my kindred spirit, you must know what I've been going through. Mimi: Yeah, but with two guys! I really feel sorry for you. Kari: (sigh) But I sure do like the attention. Mimi: Yeah, I guess the attention is okay. Matt: Okay, Okay, let's get Joe out here. Back stage Yolei: Go on Joe. Joe: Okay, but I'm a little nervous. Yolei: You'll be fine, just go. Joe: I cant! Yolei: Mimi is out there. Joe: . . . Stage Matt: Welcome Joe! Crowd: (applauds and cheers) Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Joe: (sits down next to Mimi and kisses her) Nice to be here Matt. Are you okay Mimi my sweet? Mimi: I'm just fine. Matt: So . . . Joe, Mimi tells me she's been having some problems with you, and . . . well, your stalking her. Joe: It's not true. I'm a busy man, I'm a doctor, I cant be with her all the time, so I send her some chocolates and stuff to show her how much I care. I figured she'd be happy. Mimi: I was, but your talking about when our relationship first started! After we first kissed, you started taking time off work to follow me around! You hired a private investigator to make sure that Sora and I didn't meet other guys when we went shopping! I can't stand it! I just want things back the way they were before we kissed! Joe: You mean before you started putting out. Crowd: (cheers) Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Mimi: (slaps Joe) I never put out for you! Joe: I'm sorry Mimi! Forgive me! Please be mine! Please? I love you Mimi! A/N: I again, want to make it clear that I am NOT a big Mimoe fan, Mimato and Mishiro fans don't hold this against me Mimi: Well . . . Okay! I love you too Joe! Joe: (thinking: Yeah!) Talking: SCORE! Mimi: What? Joe: Uh-oh! Mimi: (slaps Joe again) I never want to see you again! Joe: (beep)! Mimi! Please! I can give you anything you want, I am rich, I have a mansion, I'm a doctor, but I don't sleep with my interns, I am an incredible man! Please be my girl! Davis: Geez, Joe's such a loser. T.K.: He tries too hard. Kari: You guys are just looking in the mirror. Joe: Oh Mimi! Please! I need you! Mimi: Matt! Can't we go to a commercial or something? Matt: What? But for once no one's shouting, or throwing things, this is the most peace full moment in this episode, I don't want it to end! Mimi: I'll show you peace full! Matt: Okay! Okay! Yolei! Commercial! Commercial: Are you tired of NOT hearing all the curses in the Matt Ishida show? Then, buy the tape, Matt Curses, you'll hear Matt say the naughtiest words! Matt: What? Oh all right! Poop. Commercial: And so much more! Matt: Earwax is a curse? Yolei: Guess it is to some people, or they wouldnt have writen it! Commercial: So call in now! That number, 1-800-MATT! Have your credit card ready! Matt: I wish I'd never made that tape. It's so stupid. Mimi: I have to agree. Matt: So, if you're just joining us, Mimi and Joe are trying to work out their relationship. Mimi: What relationship! He's a stalker! Matt: Uh, yeah . . . Okay, well . . . Joe, how do you feel, hearing Mimi say that? Joe: Hurt. I obviously have to try harder! Mimi: NNNNOOOO!!! You try too hard as it is! Joe: But it obviously isn't enough! I must try harder! For YOU my love! Mimi: Oh Joe! I love you! Davis and T.K.: Kari, I obviously must try harder! For you my love! Kari: That wont work on me. Joe: Oh yeah! I'll get lucky in bed tonight! Mimi: (slaps Joe) You did it again! Joe: What? Mimi: You said something so incredibly sweet, then messed it up with something sick! And repulsive! Joe: (beep) it! Matt: Well, here we go again. Better brace ourselves guys. Izzy: Yeah. Yolei: I bought earplugs while we were out to lunch, here you guys. Matt: Cast of the Matt Ishida show! Earplugs! Matt + Izzy + Yolei put earplugs in their ears. Joe: (beep) it! I cant (beep)-ing do anything (beep)-ing rite! I'm a (beep)-ing idiot! A (beep)-ing idiot! (beep) me to (beep)! I dont deserve a girl like Mimi! I'm so (beep)-ing alone! (looks at the audience) What are you looking at? (beep) you! (beep) you to (beep) you (beep)-ing (beep)! Matt: Is he done? Mimi: Yeah. Crowd: Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Joe: I . . . I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me! Izzy: By my calculations, you've been bolting up your rage, when Mimi rejected you again, you unleashed it. Matt: Wow Izzy, your still smart, I thought you'd be become a muscle head. Izzy: Big brain, big muscles, big . . . well, I don't want to be beeped out, but you know what I was going to say. Kari: Oh boy I HOPE so. Izzy: (winks at Kari) T.K.: Am I the only one who saw that? Davis: Saw what? T.K.: AAAWWWW MAN! Davis: What? Matt: Forget it Davis, it's to complicated for you little brain. T.K.: Amen to that. Matt: Okay, so now, Yolei says we should go to a commercial, so . . . lets go to a commercial, well be back.
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