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| www.goodbyeleslie.com |
| www.goodbyeleslie.com |
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| Pilgrimage: A Singaporean Fan's Journey to Hong Kong To Celebrate Gor Gor's Birthday. My Travel Log : 911 Posted on September 14, 2003 at 06:47:09 PM by Seagull Dear Gor Gor As promised I have come. I know you would have love me to come even though I wasn't really into supporting you wholeheartedly in the past. Frenz were all commenting that I am crazy. Yes I am crazy. Crazy for you. Going Crazy that I have lost you. Whatever the reason, I just told myself back then that I will come to HK to celebrate your birthday. I was really looking forward to this day. The day where I can fly to be in the place that you called home. As the plane took off from Singapore Airport , I remembered how excited that finally this day has come for me. I requested for a window seat. Wanted to look at the sky , wanted to feel close to you. Did you see the moon that was so round tonight?? As I sat looking out the window, your songs were playing on and on through my earpiece. Listening to the song "words of farewell", I just wanted to tell you : " No I have not forgotten you even though I have lost you. And this day that I have lost you, I am forever here missing you. Wondering when we will meet again". I am sure you would have heard me wherever you are. When the plane touched down, there was this unexplainable feeling that gushes through me. A feeling of attachment to this place that you called home. A feeling of you are still around at this place. Maybe at your place enjoying the festive season with your loved ones and planning for your birthday tomorrow. I can feel your excitement too. Wondering how are your fanz going to celebrate your birthday. ------ Travel Log recorded at 12am over at friend place . |
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| My Travel Log : 912 Posted on September 14, 2003 at 07:45:15 PM by Seagull Dear Gor Gor Woke up early this morning. Know I will be celebrating your birthday today. Sometimes, I did scolded myself for doing this. You know I felt that I am really such an idiot for only having to love you so much when I have lost you. I was told to wear white for the event. Never like wearing white. Coz it really make me looked fat. But for you, I chose this nice white top and told myself this is going to be a happy occasion even though I have lost you. I told myself I will not cry when I left for the Fringe Club. From far, I could see this place that you filmed the show "She is a man He is a Woman". Have I told you this is the show that brought you into my life? Saw some reporters from TVB. Just waiting to capture this private event that a group of your fanz have spent time and effort in organizing. In my heart, I told myself, please do not let the media into the event hall. I know you wouldn't want to be disturb. Saw a fan waiting silently outside the Fringe Club. Her eyes were red. Wanted to walk to her to comfort her but I know if I were to do that, I would joined her in tears too. I have promised you that I wouldn't cry during your birthday celebration today. That was a delay in the event. we waited in queue out in the hot sun. We were well behaved. Most of us did come in white and some came with flowers. There was a long queue round the fringe club. Just like in the movie where there was a scene where many people went for the audition. I felt as if I am part of the show at that moment. You would have loved that I am sure. Finally the door opened. As i did not have my ticket with me, I was really afraid that the organizer will keep me out of the place. But I guessed, you did helped me , didn't you? The famous staircase in the show. Snapshots of the scenes taken at this stairway in the movie "She is a Man He is A Woman" were displayed on the wall. I touched your face and in my heart I really feel that you were also silently making your way to the event hall to celebrate with us. |
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We were led to the theater room where an hour video show of your life were being screened. I took my seat at one corner and looked through the souvenir. A small little heart tied with a silvery ribbon caught my attention. The show started. I smiled at the cute photo of you when you were a little boy. Indeed! I think all of us are blaming you for being overly beautiful. I sang along with you as the video show you singing the song American Pie. I danced with you in my heart as you sang to the tune of Monica. You never had an easy beginning. My heart ache for that. Felt happy that you had your big break and went internationally acclaimed . Felt happy that over the years people know of your existence. You will always be the one that lit the entertainment industry with this glowing light. Well if not to all, at least to me Gor Gor. I couldn't control. I am sorry that my tears rolled down while watching the show. I really missed you. Really. I could hear many of us sobbing. We never wanted to lose you this way. You could have just retired from the entertainment industry. But why did you choose to go? I found myself asking the question that I know i never will have the answer. The last statement of the show "Gor Gor... We Missed You" really sent thousand of needles piercing through at my heart. We were led to this rehearsal room where you held the audition in the show. Snapshots of the show lined the wall on the corridor. In the room, I know you will no longer be physically around. But could feel your presence . people always say you never lose someone in your heart. And I guessed that was the reason I felt you were around. I met another Singaporean. She came alone also. Started talking to her and hear her story of how you came to her life. |
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| Shortly after, when another group of your fanz were led into the theater room for the video show, we were allowed into the exhibition hall. A sense of peacefulness were immediately felt when I entered the elegantly decorated room. Photos and posters of you were hung on a creamy white curtain that dropped down to the floor. Hey, that's your favorite flowers along the wall. Wow! Really felt happy that the organizers did that for you. Music of your songs were playing in the background as I walked around looking at you. There were big posters of you hanging on all the wall. I got excited and started taking pictures. There was a big birthday card for us to sign. I put my message down. |
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| Walked to the other side of the exhibition hall and saw the stage where the piano and the drums were. I remembered this stage. you played the piano and the drum in the show. Big banners of you were displayed over here also. Looking at your face, I just couldn't help but ask again why did you choose to leave us? People that have worked with you before, shared their experience with us. On how good a person you were. Well I believed them. When the MC asked where all of us were from, I was really surprised that your fanz flew in from all over the world. Korea, America, Singapore, Malaysia, China. As representative from Korea, China and Hong Kong presented their birthday gift to you, I felt again the choking feeling at my throat. When the Korean fanz sung the Korea version of the song "Gong Tong Dou Guo" , I felt my vision went blur with tears. It was rewritten to remember you. Don't you just love the poem from the China fanz? and the cute cartoons from the Japan fan? We were told to write our message to you in the heart that was given to us earlier on. I put down my message " Lov U, Miss U, Holding U and Never will Let Go" and tight the silvery band to the neon bar that was given to us. Felt as if we were at your concert. Towards the end, all of us joined the heart together and held it high as we sang the song "the moon represent my heart" . Tears rolled down again, I know I have broken my promise to you. But I really couldn't control. I cried. Really cried. Gor Gor, did you feel all our sadness? . Even the MCs on stage just couldn't control. Tears rolled down all our cheeks. We really never wanted to let you go. I just couldn't control my tears. I was really crying real hard when they played the song "Gong Tong Dou Guo". The song sang out all our sentiments if you were ever aware. At that point of time, all of us that were present, were really crying . Your male fanz that were present were really solemn. I guessed all of us really respected each other to let our emotions flow. The hearts will be left in a creamy white heart shape box that will be delivered to your house later tonight we were told. I know you would have loved the messages written by all of us. And yes, just want to tell you I love the post cards and the CD that I bought from the event. Aren't you delighted that we collected close to 20 HK dollars for the charity that you were working on? The video clip of your MTV said "Thank you" at that moment. How perfectly timed was that. Or you did purposely said thank you to all of us for doing this for you? whatever the reason, Gor Gor, you are always welcomed. Left the place around 6.15. My friend asked me how was the event and asked me whether I cried? Again I felt bad for breaking my promise. ---- Travel Log Recorded on 912 1230am before going to sleep. |
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| My Travel Log : 913 Posted on September 14, 2003 at 08:10:41 PM by Seagull Dear Gor Gor Did you had a good night rest? I know fanz all over the world must have celebrated your birthday in their own special way. Whether is it listening to your songs, watching your movies again or a simple prayer for you, I knew you must have been busy indulging yourself in the love and misses that we had for you. Went to this place at Kowloon that overlooked the skyline of HK island. Looking at it, I still feel as if you are still around in the place? Why Gor Gor? The feeling just tug at my heart. As my friend and I crossed over to HK island on star ferry, I was enjoying the breeze and hoping that you could send me some signs that you are indeed around. When I reached the other side, something caught my attention as I board the "open-top" tram....The Mandarin Oriental. I just stared at the building , the 24th floor. I was lost at that instance. I never knew I would be so close to Mandarin Oriental. I asked my friend to take pictures of me with that building in the background. Went to Lan Kwai Fong. But in my heart I kept thinking of Mandarin Oriental. Finally I opened my mouth and asked my friend to bring me there. As I walked closer to that building, my friend was really worried that I would break down in the building and advised me to turn back. I told her : "No. Just bring me there". I walked through the hotel from the back to the front where the taxi stand is. My eyes scanned through the taxi stand and I saw the spot you fell. Couldn't bear to look at it further, I walked away. Many questions went through my heart. I felt lost and confused. I said a silent prayer for you and left that place. The Mandarin Oriental building just stayed on in my mind. I wondered when will we be able to face the place again without the feelings of attachment to that place. Again, I asked myself the question :"why do you chose to leave? ". Please forgive me for being so curious into your private life. I really got to know you better through yesterday event. I never knew you wanted to be a journalist. Coz you really dont like the media isnt it? You ever commented that you will retire from the entertainment scene when you were at your prime and have everyone remember the glorious you. But I just have to tell you, you could have chosen another way. We will still remember you no matter what. But then again, I told myself, if not for that fateful day, you will still be the invisible you in my heart. On the other hand, remembering you like that after the incident was not what I wanted. Ignore me. Think I am confused again. and I thought I have sorted out all the mixed feeling. ------ Travel Log recorded at 1am before going to sleep |
| My Travel Log : 914 Posted on September 14, 2003 at 08:32:56 PM by Seagull Dear Gor Gor As promised, I have came and now is time for me to go. I am now sit here at the boarding gate waiting to board the plane. the past few days have been an enjoyable one for me. I am glad I have decided to come at all cost. I know I will be making plans to fly in again if I am given a chance. You know, Gor Gor, I still cant get over the feeling that I went to the place that have taken your life away. It just keep playing in my mind : the building, 24th storey, the taxi stand and the spot that you landed. Help me, I dont want to remember you this way. I want you to be forever the prince that has brought me beautiful songs and taught me the meaning of life. I knew you are gone but I will choose to remember that I have lost you through this horrible illness called depression and not through the Madarin Oriental. I will try. I realized in the midst of all the buzz , I forgotten to wish you a happy birthday. Happy Belated Birthday My Beloved Prince! ------ Travel Log Recorded at 11.30am before boarding the plane back to Singapore |
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| Reads: Wish You Forever Happiness! |
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