About This Page:

This is all of my poetry. I'll add more poems as I discover them on my HD or I dedcide to write something new. I rarely write poems anymore, bceuace I don't ahve a real reason to do so, but every now and then I'll drudge something up from the back of my HD and I'll toss it here.

Leaving It All Behind

Everything is so blury,
and heart is racing so quick.
I'm stuck in this sea of lostness.
Stuck wondering about the future.

No matter how deep the breath,
i can't draw enough air,
to take the plunge.
To make my fateful dive.

So I have tos tand here,
balanced on a ledge, waiting.
Wishing for the ledge to vanish,
and toss me in head first.

I wanyt to jump in to life.
I want to evade responsibility,
I want it all, yet I seem to have none.
I'm lost , stuck, a rock.

The status quo is painful.
yet the future's so unclear.
I'm stuck on the ledge,
balanced by my spirit.

There are so many things,
I wish I had said before now.
So many emotions, I wish...
I hadn't left untold.

I sought so much in my past,
and have found so little in my time
no the future offers a new outlet
a way to gain what I wish.

I'm scared though, you see.
I'm frightened of what will come.
my isn't sensible, but it's known.
logic cannot dictate emotion.

Perhaps the fear I hold so close,
is nto of what's to come.
Maybe, only maybe though,
I'm scared of what I'll leave behind.

A lover who will never be,
or an angel I shall never see.
who knows what I could loose,
if I take this dive.

A fated plunge intot he deep,
a sudden shedding of my past.
A new birth far away,
in a land where I'm not known.

THat must be it, I fear.
I must be afraid of loosing myself,
loosing those I care for ,
loosing my very existence.

My identity is gone if I go,
If I take this dive, I die.
I will cease to exist,
If I plunge too quickly.

After this, I will be gone.
After this, I'll be no more.
I shall be only a shadow,
a memory in your hearts.

Keep me close, it's a big deal.

at least it is to me.

--Things Left Unsaid--

If I could choose but one thing,
out of all my life's experiences,
that I coudl relive, over and over.
I would know it in an instant.

It would be your first kiss my dear.
That one kiss we shared in secret.
That getnle embbrace, in the shadows.
It woudl be your love , for me, only.

I would relive that moment forever,
if only to keep you close to me.
If only in an effort to remember you.
If only to know that I was once loved.

You were the greatest, most secret love.
none other could meassure to you, dear.
It is no matter of meassure, but of love.
none could equal the love I hold for you.

As I take a step forward in my life.
I'm forced to regret very few things.
Never telling you how much i loved you.
is the first and foremost of those things.

I only loved you this year, my kitten.
Never knew til now, how much you meant,
and what impact you had on my life,
in all forms you have influenced me.

From attitude to any other aspect you see
you have shaped my life into what it is.
You have changed me into what I am now.
You are responsible for my very existence.

I never told you this, but it is time.
It's time you knew what you've done.
I held a simple blade in my hand,
and a moon ago, you sent me your love.

Three words, not evoked in any way.
three words kept that blade at bay.
those three words gave me my life again.
and it wasn't the first time you did.

Thrice before, you gave my life.
Thrice before youmad eme remove the blade.
Four tiems you changed the will of God.
THRICE, you saved my simple skin.

Thank you, for all you have done for me.
The gift you give me upon my departure.
Is a gift I can never hope to return.
for it is a gift far too grand.

I have nothing but adoration for you.
my little tiger of the fated moon.
I hope you can forgive my leaving.
and I hope you can find a new love

--Dirait-on/I know--

i have it good in life.

or so i'm told.

i have nothing to worry about,
nothing to fear in my life.

or so i'm told.

i have the ability to lead men,
to string them along and guide,
to show them what they can be, do.

or so i'm told.

i am the essence of a romantic,
that i can seduce anybody i see fit,
that i have an unseen charm on men,
that i am mightier that eros himself.

or so i'm told.

i am a legend in my own mortal time.
a household name confident and strong
without fear of procsecution or danger
without any reason to run and hide,
without anything to worry about at all.

or so i'm told.

The truth , however, as i know it,
is that i am weak and afraid of life.
i am hunted for my belief, and ideals,
i have nothign to do but run and hide.
and must look about each corner i see.

of this i'm sure.

i am a hopeless romantic, lost to all.
i seek only love in purest forms,
my charm is missinterpretted goodness,
and i worship my god eros and his mother.

of this i'm sure.

if you know me , you know i follow well,
ready and willing to follow guidance,
and hopeful for the help of others.

of this i'm sure.

i must watch my back at all times,
must fear for myvery wellness.

of this i'm sure.

i am only an illusion.

of this, i am sure.

~Of Light and Night~

I follow the night.
I hide from sight,
masked by the light,
of misanthropy.

The sudden blight,
of my paltry plight,
holds me tight,
with devilish force.

My only delight,
ripped form sight,
delivered with might,
to the depths of hell.

I seek to sight,
a love so light,
to kill my plight,
and bring you to me.

I love with life,
seek delivery from blight,
surrounded by your might,
in subtle embrace.

~Ego Accipo~

ego accipo vito meo
ab morti tui .
tu donas me non spes
dum ego habito fossarum mea .
ego habo non spes
dum amor necat cor meo.

Wishes

If wishes were horses
I'd ride a fast one
If wishes were wings
I'd fly wild and free
If wishes were trains
I'd be on the last one
If wishes came true
You'd be loving me

If wishes were blue skies
I'd never get rained on
I'd walk in the sun
Whenever I pleased
If wishes were dreams
I'd dream the same one
Over and Over
Of you loving me.

I whisper your name
On each star I see falling
That old wishing well
Gets each penny I fine
And every year I blow out
Every candle
And close my eyes
And wish you were mine
Oh if wishes came true
Then you would be mine.

...me...

happy...
i am.
confused...
i was.
barely awake...
i'll remain.
josh...
forever.

The Last Request

Darkness surrounded all
as I lay there next to him
murmuring sweet wishes
while still the lights were dim

Each reply was seamless
and filled with sweet intent
somehow I knew the answers,
they seemed from heaven-sent.

I told him that I loved him ,
that he was meant for me.
I asked how long I'd wait
for 'us' to be a 'we'

He never said his answer
just kept it to himself
and we giggled on forever
but something shined within myself

I wanted just to hold him
to wrap him in my arms
so finally I did it,
he didn't seem alarmed.

then the silence was broken
with the faintest ringing sound
I almost didn't answer
I needed him around

It was ,of course, his mother
it was time for him to go
with just the slightest gesture
he knew about the phone.

He came to grab it form me
but without a word or sound
he leaned in close to kiss me
my soule mate I have found.

It started oh-so simple,
but then it grew and grew,
I wonder if he thought
it was a dream come true

I was for me you know,
to kiss the one I've loved
it was like a movie
like a soft enchanted dove.

His skin was soft and supple
filled with such delight
now I'm elft to wonder
if this is the final night

the final night I'll kiss him
the final night we'll be
the final night I'll know him
The final night we'll be 'we'

So to my Sweet Enigma,
I send this poem free
not knowing if you'll answer
could we ever again be 'we' ?

Call me if you wanna
it would be a grand ol' treat
to hold you in my arms again
and enjoy your kisses sweet.

Save Me From Myself

I inhale deeply, with endless sigh,
gentle tears stroll down my cheek,
the world freezes for one brief moment,
as I admire the scene set before me.

Me laying on his chest, holding him barely,
arms wrapped up in eachother , sweat dripping.
His awesome might before me, in his splendor.
He takes a breath, i simply gaze into his eyes.

So brown, so peaceful, so, so perfect. Everything.
A kiss upon the lips, and everything was set.
prepared for a newer, more interesting eve.
An evening of events that will live forever.

I know him. Or at least I think I do.
How can I be sure of what I really know anymore.
How can I be sure when such splendor chooses me?
He's perfect, a god ripped from Grecian Poesy.

My atlas, my hercules, my little angel my god.
I worship him subserviently with my head on his chest.
I murmur prayers of adoration as I slip away,
falling endlessly under his ever-entrancing spell.

Another tear, and I'm gone now forever.
Endlessly lost in him , in his god-like beauty.
Surrounded by his power, entranced by a man.
Again I've doomed myself to fall in love.

My silly dreams create these lovely infatuations.
Leaving me unprepared to face real love when it arrives.
Forcing me to slip further and further into love-sick adoration.
for a boy that I can never have, or won't have me.

Why can't I save myself form these things?
Realize my dreams for what they are?
Stop trying to make my fantasies reality ?
and learn the truth behind my existence?