By Zaen
You
enjoyed spending time with your brother and friends on your twenty-ninth
birthday, but the days following it you sequestered yourself in the
studio. The album was all but finished,
but you had no idea when Jive wanted to release it. You had nothing to do but fiddle with it. And brood.
And try to ignore the aching in your heart.
~~*~~
After
a long day spent at the studio, you returned to your house, bypassing the
angrily flashing answering machine to make a beeline for the bathtub.
A
nice, relaxing bubble bath was followed by a short nap. Then you listened to some music, and even
managed to dance a little by yourself for a few minutes. It was when you went downstairs and out the
front door to retrieve the mail that you noticed the car in your driveway. Your heart started thumping the second you recognized
the plate.
“Um,
hello?” you called out as you closed your front door.
“Dining room.” You
slowly walked from the foyer, taking the long way through the living room
instead of the shorter way through the kitchen.
There was a small cake on the dining room table. Justin was sitting in the corner, legs and
arms crossed, looking at his watch.
“I’ve been here a while,” he said without looking up. “I lit that thing like 5 times, every time I
heard you moving up there, but…I guess you took a nap or something.”
“Why
didn’t you come up? Or call first?” you
asked, staring at the cake. There were
three lit candles on it, and the wax was millimeters away from hitting the
icing.
Justin
shrugged. “I don’t know. Guess I wanted to surprise you or
something.” He looked up finally. His eyes were red. He looked nervous. “Surprise.”
“Yeah,
uh, thanks.” Justin stood up and straightened
the wrinkles out in his pants. It would
have made you laugh, if you weren’t afraid Justin would bolt if you did. “So…what are you doing here, J?”
“I
brought you a cake,” he answered, pointing to the table. “I know it was a while ago, but I missed your
birthday and…so…um…I thought. You
know. I don’t know.”
“Oh.” It was all you could think to say.
“I’m
not interrupting something, am I?” Justin added quickly. “I mean, is she…is Eva here?”
Where the fuck have you been, you
thought, frowning. You cleared your
throat and walked over to look down at the little cake. It looked homemade, but you didn’t want to
ask and have your hopes dashed, again.
“No. I’m here all alone.”
“I
know it’s none of my business, but…are you two still together?” Justin asked
meekly.
You
wanted to say, you’re right, it’s none of
your damn business, but instead you replied, “Why do you ask, Justin?”
Justin
looked down at his feet tapping nervously on the floor. “I just heard that, well, they say that your
new record is crammed with anti-Eva songs…that it’s all about her hurting you
and stuff.” He walked over to the wall
and fiddled with the light dimmer. “Copycat.”
“Oh,
shut up, Justin!”
“I
was only kidding,” he mumbled. “I’m
sorry.”
“Whatever.”
“No,
I meant that I’m sorry…that she broke your heart, man. I’m really sorry,” he whispered. You wanted to laugh, but Justin sounded so
sincere that you couldn’t.
“You…you’re
sorry that she…because she broke my
heart. Because she chose someone else over me.” How Justin missed the irony, you’d never
know. “That’s what you’re saying?”
“Yeah. I mean, shit,
she’s obviously not in her right mind.”
Again, the irony threatened to overtake you with angry laughter, but you
held it in. You wanted to hear
this. “That other guy has nothing on
you, man.” Justin took a step toward you
and rubbed his hands idly on the top of a chair, like he was really
nervous. “I don’t know everything that
went on between you two, but…I don’t know.
Maybe it’s for the best. I mean,
um, not that she hurt you…just that…maybe it means something?” He cleared his throat and glanced at you quickly,
then looked back at the table. “I hate
to see you so down.” Compared to the
time right after your outburst in
“When…oh.” You’d
almost forgotten that night last year, when Justin taunted her beneath his
breath after you’d screwed him on someone’s bathroom floor. Suddenly you missed him more than ever. “Well, I guess you’re too late.”
Justin
scratched his head. “Hey, um, maybe
something bad will happen to her on the set of her show. Like she’ll eat something bad at craft
services, or get stuck in her trailer with a swarm of bees, or get hit on the
head with a boom or something!”
“Don’t
say that, J.”
“I
know. I’m just kidding.” He smiled wickedly. “You never know, though.”
“Whatever, Justin.
What are you really doing here?”
“I
wanted to wish you a happy belated birthday,” he answered softly. He moved next to you and placed a hand on
your back, but kept his eyes lowered. “And to ask you something.”
Your heart raced; you made yourself breathe deeply to slow it down. “I, uh…”
Justin’s eyes met yours slowly.
“Do you remember what I asked you in
You
fell into the closest chair. Justin
followed quickly, sliding to the floor on his knees in front of you.
“Do
you, C?” Justin whispered, his hands shaking on your knees. “When you told me I shouldn’t marry her…what
did I ask you?”
You
tried to look away, but Justin held your face steady with trembling fingers. “You asked—you said.” You sighed and tried to force away a sob in
your voice. Reliving the moment you knew
you’d lost Justin was something you’d been trying not to do. “Give me one reason.”
“That’s
right, C.” Justin leaned closer. He looked as scared as you did. “What did you say then?”
“I
said that I’m in love with you,” you whispered.
What would be the point in denying it?
“JC, man.” Justin bit
his bottom lip. “I never had a chance to
tell you. That was a really, really good
reason.”
When
Justin’s words finally hit, you felt dizzy with fear, confusion, and overwhelming
hope. It was an altogether unfamiliar
feeling, and it made your throat tighten up.
You worried momentarily that you were dying, and this was your first
glimpse of heaven. So you held your
breath, in case it was to be your last.
You stared at your shaking hands in your lap, waiting for words to come. “But…you weren’t even getting married,” you
said nervously. “I mean…are you getting married? Now?”
Justin’s
hopeful smile withered. “That’s why you
told me, isn’t it?”
“What?”
“I
knew it,” Justin mumbled, his hands dropping from your body. “I knew that’s why you said it.” When he saw your confusion, Justin lowered
his eyes, sighed, and said, “I didn’t come to you after…I didn’t want to
believe it, but…it’s true. You said you
loved me, but you only said it because you were afraid I was getting
married. You only said it because you
were afraid of losing me.”
You
let that sink in. It took a while. “Justin.
That is not true.”
“Well,
what am I supposed to think? Ten years,
JC. Ten years, and you never said you
were in love with me until you thought I was getting married!”
“Ten
years? Justin, we only started fuc—after you and Britney broke up. Three and a half years!”
Justin
sneered, “Three and a half years of giving my body to you.” He sat back to rest his bottom on the backs
of his calves. He looked like he might
topple over. “I started giving you more than
that years before.
But you just didn’t notice. Or didn’t care.”
You
trembled with anger, frustration, and confusion. “Oh my God, that’s not true. I love you.
I’ve loved you for years, Justin.”
The relief you felt from your admission was short-lived. Justin shook his head dismissively and stood
up.
“No,
you thought you loved me because you
thought I was marrying someone else.”
“How
can you say that to me?” you shrieked, grabbing at his hands. “I had to endure Britney, Jenna, Alyssa
fucking Milano, a host of who knows how many flings,
and now…” You pushed him away from you,
tucked into yourself, and hid your face in your hands. “I have to endure this woman that you love
more than anything, even more than you loved Britney. I’ve had to live with this for years,
Justin.” Your nose started to run, but
it was too late to stop the tightness in your throat. You’d never wanted to cry, but somehow you
knew that you would when you and Justin finally ended. “I never told you how much it hurt, because I
know that wasn’t what our—relationship or
whatever—was about. But it hurt so
much.” You didn’t care if Justin considered
the hand you clutched over your throat melodramatic—you needed it there to stop
the sobs from coming. “I just want you
to be…happy. I really do, but.” You could barely hear yourself. “I love you, Jus. Not because I was afraid of losing you, but…because
I love you. I’ve always loved you, even when
you were too young for me, even when you were with Britney, even when I was
with…even then. I’ve been in love with
you forever.”
“JC.” You finally
raised your head and peeked through your fingers. Justin was staring at you, jaw embarrassingly
open, eyes welled and on the verge of overflowing. “But, what about Eva?”
“What
about her?”
“I
thought…I thought. Oh, God, JC, I
thought you were in love with her.”
“Is
that why you gave up on me?” you yelped, no longer caring how pathetic you looked
and sounded. You pointed to the ring he
wore on his engagement finger. The one
you first saw on your island getaway.
“Is that why you’re engaged to Cameron?”
“I’m
not engaged!” Justin spat. “You believe
everything you read in tabloids?”
“You
might as well be, Justin. You’ve been
with her for over 2 years. It’s only a
matter of time.” You crossed your legs
and arms and stared daggers at his clenched left hand. “You…you love her.”
“And
whose fault is that?”
You
waited breathlessly, until you realized that it wasn’t a rhetorical question,
and it was aimed right at you. “Excuse
me?”
“JC…yeah,
I love her.”
“Ok.” You faked clearing your throat. It was the only thing you could do to keep
from breaking down.
“I
love her, JC.” Justin leaned against your
legs, clutching your pants. “I made
myself love her, because I thought that if I did…it would help me stop loving
you.”
“Jus…oh God.” You
turned your head so he wouldn’t see you sob.
When you could catch your breath, you turned back to look at him, his
mouth. You couldn’t manage his eyes
yet. “Did…did it work?”
“Oh, C. No,
baby. It didn’t work at all.” You finally looked at his eyes, and saw his
sincerity. He smiled at you and wiped
his eyes. “I love you,” he murmured.
“You
do?”
“C’mere!” Justin
pulled you off the chair and into his arms.
You laugh-cried as you fell on top of him. You held each other in a clumsy twist of arms
and legs, until Justin gently rolled you on the floor on your back. He wiped your eyes as he gazed down at you,
touching you gently, like he wasn’t sure if he had the right. “Hi,” he whispered.
“Hello,
Justin.”
“Can
I…can I kiss you, man?”
“Please.” When you felt Justin’s soft, insecure kiss,
you nearly sobbed into his mouth. He
felt your trembles, and clutched you to him to hold you steady. You’d kissed him so many times, but this was
different. His lips and his gently
prodding tongue imparted so much more than raw sexual need. His arms around you imparted more than just
possession. This was how you’d been wanting Justin to kiss you since you two began sleeping
together. And before.
“Sweetheart.”
Justin’s hand brushed your cheek.
Your eyes flew to the ring. He
noticed right away, and held it up.
“This…is a pseudo-quasi-almost-pre-pre-pre promise ring, C. I gave one to Britney once. And the first girl I slept with when I was 15. It’s not an engagement ring.”
“But…but…”
“No. We gave these to each other because…well…I didn’t
know how you felt, C.” Justin kissed you
softly. “All this time, I didn’t know
you loved me. I wanted you to, you have
no idea how much I wanted you to love me.
But I thought you didn’t. I guess
I wanted to be safe.
“I
see.”
“Jace. Don’t be jealous. I love you.
I’ve loved you for so long.”
You
kissed him gratefully. “Why didn’t you
ever tell me?”
“Baby.” He kissed
your fingers in between sniffles. “I did tell you.”
“What?”
“Every
time we made love, I told you. With my mouth…with my body.
I told you I loved you that time when…the time you watched me with
her. Do you remember that?” You’d been trying to forget the sight of
Justin making love to his girlfriend ever since you saw it, ever since you heard
Justin howl those three words as he erupted inside her. “I told you that it was you I was making love
to, C.” He lowered his eyes. “And then you left without saying anything. And then you never said anything—you never wanted to talk about it. I felt like you didn’t care that I said it.”
“Justin,
baby, I didn’t know. It was so awful
watching you with her. I thought I could
handle it, but I couldn’t. I thought you
were saying it to her…not to me. Baby, I
didn’t know.”
Justin
eyed you accusingly. “You never asked, Jace.”
“What
was there to ask? You never told me you
wanted anything but sex from me.”
Justin’s
sad face turned angry. “You can’t
honestly think this was just about sex for me.
All these years. But I guess it was for y—”
“It
was never just about sex for me, Justin!”
You forced him to look you in the eyes.
“It was never just sex,” you whispered against his lips. “I always wanted you…all of you…always…always.”
“Why
didn’t you tell me?” he whispered, smiling a little at the turning of the tables.
“I
didn’t want to risk losing you.” You
whispered between kisses, “We never said this was anything but casual. I know I should have told you, but…I wanted
you any way I could get you, baby. And
then you fell in love.”
“I
was already in love, JC.”
“I
meant with her,” you whispered.
“I meant with you.”
“Oh, J. I’m…” You tried to hold back your emotions, but it
was hopeless. “Please…don’t marry her,
J. Please. You’ll break my heart.”
“C,”
Justin groaned before kissing you hard.
Before you could catch your breath, he was jumping to his feet and
pulling you up into his arms. “C…C…C…if
I was gonna marry anyone…baby, it would so be you.”
“Justin,”
you gasped, no longer caring that your voice was cracking and tears were
streaming down your face. “Oh my God.” Justin
kissed you hungrily as he slowly led you out of the dining room, stopping
briefly to let you blow out your candles before taking you upstairs.
“Justin.”
“Shhh.”
“But…I
have questions.”
“So
do I, but they can wait.” Justin sat you
down on your bed and fell to his knees on the floor. He took your foot in his lap and slowly
unbuckled your sandal. There were still
tears in your eyes, but Justin’s hands on your bare feet and calves already
started getting you hot.
“I
missed you so much, J.”
Justin
smiled and kissed your instep. You had
no reason to worry if your feet stank—Justin kissed them and nuzzled them like
they were Academy Awards. “I missed you,
C. You have no idea how much.”
“Then
why…why did you wait so long to come to me?”
Justin’s face fell a little, but he didn’t let you go. He merely set both your legs down and slid
his hands up inside your pants to massage the backs of your knees.
“JC,
when you told me…in
“I
never did have good timing,” you tried to say with a laugh, but then Justin
started kissing your inner thighs, and it quickly got unfunny. You rubbed his short curls, urging him on
even as you wanted him to keep explaining.
“Lance told me that you had to do heavy damage control, man. Ohhhh.” Shaking hands worked
on your zipper. “I’m sorry about
that. I guess it was a lot, huhhhhhhoohh.” It
had been too long since Justin had unzipped you and pulled your cock free for
long, tender strokes. “Justin….oh…I’ll
pay you back for—”
“You’ll
do no such thing.” Justin let go of your
penis and went for your shirt, easing it up your body with a serious look on
his face. “I don’t care about the money,
C. You told me…in front of
strangers.” He tossed your shirt aside
and gazed at you. “You outed yourself in front of underpaid basic cable interns,
C. I could have never loved you more
than I did at that moment.”
You
gasped and thanked him with a kiss. Then
you pulled him onto the bed. When you
scrambled to get the skin tight T-shirt off him, you
realized that it looked familiar to you.
“Justin, baby, is this my Led Zeppelin t-shirt?” Justin blushed a
little, sat up and slowly pulled the shirt all the way off. “You had this the first time we—”
“Made love, yeah.”
You smiled—you weren’t sure if he’d considered it making love like you
did. It was so long ago. “I didn’t know if you remembered.”
“Of
course I remember. I remember everything
about our first time, Justin. I remember
how you felt underneath me. How you
smelled.” You wet your lips in
anticipation. “I remember how hot your
mouth was.”
Justin
shuddered as the memory flooded back to him, too. “I remember the taste of you, C.” He stroked your open mouth with one hand, his
own crotch with the other. “I remember
how your voice sounded when you came inside me.”
“Oooh.” You sucked on his fingers. “I remember how much I adored you.”
Justin
straddled you and leaned in close. “I
remember how much I was in love with you.”
He leaned down to give you the quick kiss that your eye-swallowing smile
begged for, and then pulled back to fully unclothe you. “I remember that it was my first time…um, going
all the way. With a
guy.”
“I
remember,” you moaned as he undressed himself, revealing his eager body to
you. “Mine, too.”
“Your—C?” Justin
smiled brightly as he watched the redness cover your face. “It was…it was me?”
You
smiled, remembering all the hot men who’d offered themselves completely to you. Back then you never wanted to admit to
yourself that you were hoping—waiting—for Justin. “You knew there were guys before you. And since. But, um, yeah, J. You took it, man.” Justin nodded, biting his lip proudly. “You
took my manginity.”
Any other time you’d both be giggling at the word, but you were both too
emotional at that moment. His smile told
you that, yes, you’d laugh about it, later.
“It was you, Justin. Of course it
was.”
“Wow. Why didn’t you tell me then?”
“You
didn’t ask.”
“JC.” He looked smug,
but only for a second, and then he smiled bashfully again. “I’m so glad I know that.” He stroked your chest reverently. “I’m so glad I know.”
You
quickly changed the subject before you melted into a puddle of mush. “So, yeah, I remember our first time
together, baby. But what I don’t remember is why you had this,” you
whispered as your rubbed the fraying Zeppelin shirt over Justin’s chest.
Justin
blushed a little more but rubbed his stomach wantonly at the same time. “You let me borrow it one day, back in the
90’s, I think. I never gave it
back.” He leaned over you, rubbing his
nakedness against yours, looking down at you adoringly. “It was the first thing I had of you, Jace. I slept in it
until it was almost bursting at the seams.
I’ll never let it go.”
You
nodded and reached for him, the need to taste him nearly overwhelming. “I didn’t know, J. I didn’t know.”
“You
do now.”
Justin
investigated your body, your skin, your freshly cut
hair like he hadn’t touched you in years, bending you this way and that so he
could look at you from new angles, up close.
“I
want to see you, C. I want to know
everything,” he whispered as he cradled you and kissed the inside of your
elbow. “Every new
thing. Every
new experience. Every minutiae of your life that I've missed these 3 years.” You smiled as he asked questions into your
neck, about your album and what new clothes you’ve bought and what sluts you’d
hooked up with. And he let you answer.
“I
haven’t dated anyone else since I broke up with…”
“Eva. You can say it,” Justin murmured as he
stretched out on top of you. “You’ll
tell me all about the time you had together…later.” Justin’s tongue swept through your
mouth. “Did I ever tell you how much I
hated her for being your girlfriend?”
“You
don’t say.”
Justin
nodded and slid a hand down between your legs.
“You think I could take her in a fight?”
“I
don’t know,” you murmured. And then you
hissed. “She’s pretty quick, man.”
“She
may have gotten to me a few times, but…”
Justin tilted his hips, catching your escaped breath in his open
mouth. “You’re mine, Jace. I’ll stab her right through the heart to have
you, baby.”
Justin
rolled you over, smothering the Olé! that was building in your throat.
Justin
shivered when you spread his legs.
Shivered like a virgin.
“Don’t
you want me to?” you asked, to tease him, and because the way he was staring at
your weeping cock left a smidgeon of doubt in your mind.
“I
just…this is like our first…now that we both know…oh, baby, come here,” he
said, and pulled you down on top of him while lifting his legs at the same
time.
“Oh. Shit.”
He shivered and squirmed like he’d never felt your lubed fingers
slipping in his ass before.
“Justin, sweetie, mmmph.” He wouldn’t let you talk, would only let you
suck on his tongue while he played with your ears.
“God,
JC. Your ears are precious.” He kissed them tenderly, nuzzled them and
licked into the canals. You thanked him
by sliding down between his wide legs and giving his cock equal treatment. Justin stroked your short hair as he watched
his cock disappear into your mouth.
“Oh. Baby. Yes.
Make love to me now.” You nodded
emphatically, but you kept sucking him, harder, until he was begging you to
stop, until he’d left enough drops of pearly fluid on your lips that you knew
you’d never forget how he tasted. Not
for the rest of your life.
He
held his breath when you pressed your cock between his legs. He didn’t blink, only stared at you wide eyed
and open mouthed as you penetrated him.
When you were all the way inside him, when your rigid sex was finally
filling him again after months of tortured neglect, when you’d both whispered I love you—him first—Justin started to
cry.
“Jus. Don’t, baby.”
“It’s
just.” He rocked against you, taking you
in with his eyes and his mouth and his hands and his fundament. “It’s just that…baby. JC.” He kissed you hard. He even bit at your lower lip a little, and
it reminded you of your last time together, before everything fell apart. His eyes changed, and you knew he was
thinking the same thing.
“You
scared me that night,” you whispered, but you kissed his palm when you said it.
“Me, too. Jace. Oh, God.
You don’t know how…oh. Every time
we’ve fucked. Every single time…I loved
you. I needed you, but I couldn’t tell
you.” He tried to kiss you, but you were
nodding, thrusting into him too desperately for him to catch your lips. So he held you tight and whispered against
your mouth, your cheek, your neck. “I’ve
made love to you so many times. And each
time I was trying to…trying to take a little bit of you with me. So that…oh…eventually…I’d have enough of you
to last…to satisfy me. So I wouldn’t
want you anymore. But, baby…oh, baby…the
thing is, every time I had you, I only wanted you more.”
“Just…oh. Me, too, baby.”
“The
more I drank of you. Ugh, fuck me. The thirstier I got.”
“Mmmm. You feel so good. Always. Hated sharing you, sweetie”
“The
more I ate of you, the hungrier you made me.”
Justin wiped the last of his tears.
“And I hated sharing you.”
You
dug in deep, deeper than before, making his eyes well up all over again. Then you stopped, holding yourself up over
him, so you could look down at him, at the two of you. “You won’t have to anymore, Justin.” You stroked his raw lips with the back of
your hand, waiting for something you knew would never
come.
And
then he said, “Neither will you, JC,” with a determination and earnestness you
hadn’t seen since the day he first kissed you.
You couldn’t help it; you broke down.
Just for a minute, while Justin held you and kissed you and promised you
the world.
“Josh,”
he whispered against your lips, “it’s ok. We’re gonna be ok. Look at me.
Love me.”
You
made love to him slowly after that, like you were starting over, like you
weren’t already deep inside him. And
Justin seemed to appreciate it. He
kissed you and held you and fucked you and told you he loved you without words. He watched you when you came, and smiled
proudly as you shook on top of him. He
let you recover, and then he kissed you deeply and rocked against you until he
filled your tight fist with warm semen.
He collapsed and watched you lick your hand clean.
“Oh my God, JC. I’ve
always been in love with you. Oh my God.”
You
closed your eyes as he gently rocked you to sleep.
~~*~~
You
thought you were dreaming at first, but Justin kissing and nuzzling your face
was real. You suddenly realized you wanted
to wake up this way every morning. Every morning.
“Morning,
C. You want some break—”
“Are
you going to stay?” It was a question
you’d been wanting to ask him for years. You let your semiconsciousness
be your excuse. “I mean…Justin…what does
this mean?”
Justin
sighed exhaustedly, but he smiled. “Ask
me what you really want to ask, Jace.”
“Ok.” You rolled on top of him. He wasn’t getting away, if you had anything
to do with it. “Are you going to marry her—Cameron? Are you staying with her?”
“Um.” Justin grinned
and rolled you over, stretching out on top of you and pulling your legs up
around his waist. He was always doing
this; distracting you with his body and the promise of sex. You shook your head, and he sighed again.
“I’m
serious, J. Are you?” you whispered with
a shaking voice.
“Do
you want me to break up with her?”
“Justin,
you know that has to be your decision.”
“Well,
after what happened in
“I
understand—”
“No,
Jace, it’s just that—it’ll take some time, baby. I don’t want to hurt her, man. And frankly, if she found out right now, she
might tell someone who’d out me. Us.”
“You!”
“No, us, C.” Justin shook his finger at you and nuzzled
your nose at the same time. You’d be mad
if he didn’t look so adorable doing it.
“You’re not ready for that any more than I am, right?”
You
rolled your eyes, but you knew he was telling the truth. Despite your de facto pansexuality,
you still intended to live your public life as a straight man. At least for the
foreseeable future. “Right. I guess.”
“Hey.” Justin kissed your Adam’s apple, then gently took your precious Leo pendant between his
lips. The gesture made your heart beat
faster; he managed to warm it without getting it wet. He replaced it in the suprasternal
notch with his mouth and then kissed his way up to your ear. “Don’t worry, C. We’re going to be together. Soon. I promise.”
“Just…you
and me?” you asked softly, worried that you wouldn’t hear what you wanted.
“That
depends,” he whispered, and turned your face to meet his eyes. “Are there gonna be more…Evas?”
“No
more Evas. I
think I dated her because I knew it wouldn’t work out from the beginning. She wasn’t ready for anything heavy, and I
couldn’t fall for her because of…”
“Me.” Justin held back a cocky grin as best he
could. Then he got serious again and
stated, “Yes, JC. Just
you and me. That’s what I want,
baby. It’s just, with her, I’m in so
deep, and I really do care about her. I
don’t know how I’m gonna…you know? I
don’t know exactly when—”
“It
has to be on your time, J,” you whispered as he gently kissed your cheek. Then his words sank in. “So, what you’re saying is, you can keep
seeing Cameron, but I can’t see anyone else?
Is that what you’re saying?”
Justin
smirked and tried to kiss you. “Mmm…baby…let’s make love again.”
“Justin…mmph…stop that! That
isn’t fair to me!”
“Jace,” he purred into your neck, “I know it’s not fair…ugh…to
ask you to wait.” His hand slipped under
your back, to pull you closer. “I can’t
ask you—mmm, your skin is so soft here—to not date anyone else. Or—fuck—to not sleep with anyone else. Just don’t…”
Justin held your face close.
“Just don’t fall for anyone else, ok?
And don’t get infatuated. And
don’t make anyone promises you never intend to keep.” Shame covered his face. “Don’t make the same mistake I did.”
“I
know you love her, J.” It hurt to say
it. Justin could see the hurt on your
face, and he tried his best to kiss it away.
“Yeah. I do. I did.
The way I loved Britney, and whatshername when I was 17, and whatchamacallit
when I was 15. And I probably even loved
the girl who gave me my first French kiss when I was 11.” He smiled, but his words still made you stiffen
a little underneath him. Justin shook
his head and your shoulders to get your attention. “I loved them as best I could, as much as I
could, but it wasn’t the same, C. It
wasn’t the real thing. It was never…never like
us. You and me, Josh, we’re a completely
different animal, man. It’s so much more
than love—we need a new word for what we are, baby.”
“Justin.” You tried to cover your smile, but it spread
farther than the width of your hand.
“Sweetie?” Justin took
the hand from your mouth, kissed it, and shoved it down between his legs. “Ok?
Do you understand now?”
“Yes. I have to wait.”
Justin
made you squeeze his cock until he hissed in your ear, “We do.” He was doing it
again, forcing you to lose your concentration.
“You can wait with me. I’ve been waiting
for you since I was 11 years old.”
“You—oh,
baby.” You stroked his face and saw for
a moment the teenage boy who idolized you.
You grinned again, proud and grateful and overwhelmed to know that it
was true love you were seeing in that face, even back then. “So, I guess you could say it’s sorta my fault, huh?
If I’d told you how I felt at the beginning—”
“By
now we’d be picking out china patterns, C.”
You nodded and tried not to squee. “If we’d both been honest…well, things would
have been different. Right?” He pressed you down into the bed and kissed
your neck, shivering at your legs wrapping high around his waist. “So different. There never would have been anyone else. Right, baby? No
“No
Bobbie, baby.”
“Damn
right,” Justin grumbled, biting gently at your lip. “No fucking Bobbie…mmm…no
Jenna…no Brit—”
You
gasped; it couldn’t be helped. “I fucking
love you, man.”
Justin
kissed you, hard. “Love you, too. So much. So much, honey.”
“Maybe….mmmm,” you mumbled through deep kissing, “maybe we needed
to be with…those others…so we’d know for sure that we’re…that we belong
together. Maybe that’s why we had other
loves…huh, sweetheart?”
Justin
stopped kissing you and gazed at you apologetically. “Maybe you’re right, but I’m still sorry that
I let anyone come between us.” You
nodded gratefully. “Tell me what you
want me to do, and I’ll do it, C.”
“It
has to be up to you,” you said, even though Justin was already shaking his
head. “I can’t make you—”
“Yeah,
you can, JC.” Justin took you, all of
you, in his arms and stared at you resolutely.
“Yes, you can make me do anything.
You’re my…you’re my man, C. I’d
do anything you ask.”
“Even…break
your girlfriend’s heart? Right now?” you
whispered, your mouth quivering.
“Even that.”
“I
understand.” You gazed up into Justin’s
eyes as you thought about what could happen if Justin broke his girlfriend’s
heart the way you thought he’d broken yours.
You’d never felt sorry for until that moment.
“I
appreciate the offer, but I know that it has to be up to you. It’s the right thing to do. I trust you, Justin. I believe in you and…in the end…I know we’ll
be together.” Your chest burned, because
for the first time, you actually believed it.
“So, I’ll wait,” you said, and then forced him to look you in the eye
when you growled, “for now.”
Justin
growled back and kissed you deeply. And
then he reached for the phone.
~~*~~
CHAPTER TEN>>>
Copyright 2005-2006 by KTA