***** - Awesome!! Get in line for it immediately!!
**** - Very good! A must see.
*** - Pretty good. Could be better.
** - Dull. I’ve seen FAR better, yet the attempt was there.
* - Crap-tastic!! Avoid at all costs. Save your money for a real Dark Attraction!!!
Disney World’s Haunted Mansion (*****) - It’s the Granddaddy of all Haunted Attractions!!!! It all begins and ends here! The imaginers put a lot of love and care into this 7 minute haunt. The ride may be quick and it may lack a lot of blood and gore and pop out freights that occupy many current dark rides and attractions, however it has charm and humor and a good dose of spookiness and creepiosity to make any lover of the macabre grin with joy.
Wisconsin Dells Haunted House (**) - I haven’t visited this one in quite a few years, so its quality could have improved since I visited… if it’s still in business. This dark attraction was located on the main tourist drag of the Wisconsin Dells right next to a wax museum. The façade was pretty good considering the fact that the attraction shared the same building space with a few other tourist traps, kinda like a touristy strip mall. It had castle like walls with fake torches on them and a spooky motif adorned the entrance. The lady selling tickets gave a creepy little act as she sold you the tickets. “Ohhhh, beware of the haunted house….ohhhhh”. Whatever….. The inside of the attraction consists of lots and lots of very dark mazes to try and plod through and about three little scenes of mannequins either being tortured in a torture chamber like setting or a bunch of spooky mannequins sitting at a big table ready to eat human body parts. The main scare factor of this attraction was a cherubic, 13 year old boy with a Guns ‘N’ Roses T-shirt on, running around, jumping out and scaring patrons as they tried to find their way through the dark maze. This seemingly family owned business severely needed at least one or two little effects to make it actually worth the $5 we paid to get in. Loose the kid and replace him with something more menacing!! And more scenes and less darkness would have helped also!!!
Nameless Dark Attraction In Summerfest Midway (*) - Have you ever been in a festival or fair’s midway and come across a monstrous looking “building” that is painted to look like a huge scene from an Indiana Jones movie. There’s a huge temple like statue painted on top with a fierce scowl and glowing red eyes. Scenes of skeletons and snake-women and brilliantly colored stalactites and stalagmites adorn the outside of this ride-thru spook house. Well, the outside of the attraction should get 3 stars alone, but once you go through it… you’ll know why I add -2 stars. Basically the ride takes 20 seconds and is highlighted by pitch-black darkness and stifling humidity. I think there might have been something that “popped out” at us as me and a few other idiots I talked into paying the $5 admission fee went through. But, you never got a good look at the effects. It was too dark. Oh there was a buzzing noise and Hard Rock music being played inside. This ride was probably brought to us by Waste-O-Time Productions. Save yourself some money and admire the outside of it. If you want to be scared then just imagine the pound of crystal meth the toothless carnie snorted before operating the ride.
