Jokes

Q. What is a desi favorite rhyme ?
A. Earn money , look funny and no " honey "

A desi went to a pizza hut and ordered a large pizza after he done ordering pizza guy ask him if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces desi said six pieces would be fine I could never eat twelve !

Three men were stranded on an uninhabited island. The only way back home was to swim 100 miles to the next island, which was inhabited.
Herolal was so determined to get home that he tried to swim. He made it 50 miles, got tired, and drowned.
Then Pyarelal tried. He made it 75 miles, but got tired and drowned, too.
Bhola thought he could make it all the way, so he started swimming. He swam 50 miles, but started getting tired, so he swam all the way back to the island.

Herolal is driving with Bhola as his passenger, when he decides to pull over because he suspects that his turn signal may not be working.
He asks Bhola if he doesn't mind stepping out of the car to check the lights while he tests them. Bhola steps out and stands in front of the car.
Herolal turns on the turn signal and asks, "Is it working?"
To which Bhola responds, "Yes, it's working....No, it's not working....Yes, it's working....No, it's not working...."

Panting and sweating, two men on a tandem bicycle finally made it to the top of a steep hill.
"That was a tough climb," said the front rider.
";Sure was," replied the second. "And if I hadn't kept the
brakes on, we would have slid down backward."

The child comes home from his first day at school.
Mother asks, "What did you learn today?"
The kid replies, "Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow."

Once all sardars get disgusted about the large number of jokes that are cracked about them and so they come together in an auditorium to prove to the world that aren't that silly after all. They call upon one sardar and ask him, "What is 10 plus 10?"
After thinking for some time sardarji replies, "25!&"
The officials to whom they want to prove get disgusted but thousands of sardars in the auditorium start shouting, "Give him another chance!"
So the officials ask him again, "What is 5 plus 5?"
The sardar replies after thinking for awhile, "30!"
Again there's shouting from the audience, "Give him another chance!"
Another question is posed, "What is 2 plus 2?"
The sardarji replies after much thought, "4!"
Again the voice of thousands shouts, "Give him another chance!!!!"

A man went down the street to Santa Singh's 24-hour grocery. When he got there, he saw Santa Singh locking the front door.
The man said, "Hey, how come you're closing... the sign says you're Open 24 Hours."
Santa Singh said, "Yes, but not in a row."

A Paksitani was walking past a VERY expensive restaurant, when he saw his next door neighbour, an Indian, eating inside. So he walks into the restaurant and asks the Indian, "How can you afford this place, it's so expensive?!"
The Indian replied, "Psss! I have a secret way of doing it... I stay all night eating and when they bring the bill I say that I already paid it. Works every-time!"
So the Pakistani is happy that he's in on the idea, sits down to join the Indian and they order more food until closing time.
When the bill is brought the Indian says, "We already paid the bill!" To which the Pakistani adds, "And we're still waiting for the change!"

Santa Singh was driving his Mercedes at a furious pace and suddenly hits the car ahead, a Maruti, and both come to a complete halt. The Maruti's driver, Banta Singh is furious. He steps out of his car and moves towards Santa. He makes a circle on the road and asks Santa to stand inside it and dares him to step out of it.
He pulls out a rod and breaks the bonnet of the Mercedes. He looks back at Santa and finds him laughing cunningly. This makes him even more furious and goes about breaking all the windows of the expensive car. Again looking back he finds Santa laughing! His anger peaking, Banta smashes whatever part of the Mercedes he can lay hands on. Yet again Santa is found smiling. Frustated and tired, Banta finally asks Santa Singh, "What's the matter with you? I have completely torn apart your car and you continue to smile, what's wrong with you?"
Santa replies, "Well, you didn't know... you see, everytime you turned to smash my car, I stepped out of the circle!"

Santa Singh had his 4th child. He fills the data in the birth-certificate:
Mother: Sikh.
Father: Sikh.
Baby: Chinese.
"How come you're writing 'Chinese' when both parents are Sikh?", asks the doctor.
Santa Singh replies, "I have read in a newspaper, that every 4th person born on the earth now is Chinese."

On Karachi airport the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference. If it is a PIA Flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is US Naval Command flight in the region, then it is 1500 hours. If it is the Pakistani Air Force - the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3!"

The Air India flight from Karachi to Bombay was in trouble. As the storm raged, Santa Singh, the captain of the plane realized his plane was going to crash. He was however able to land the plane on the water where it was sinking fast.
He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray?"
One Pakistani stepped forward. "Yes, Captain, I know how to pray."
"Good," said Santa Singh, "you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short."

Two Pandits were riding very fast on a motorcycle. The speeding bike was promptly stopped by a policeman, who said, "What do you think you are doing? What if you had an accident?"
One of the priests smiled and said, "Don't worry, my son. God is with us."
The policeman replied, "In that case, I have to book you. Three people are not allowed to ride on a motorcycle."

Santa Singh and Banta Singh were hanging upside down on a tree. Sometime later Santa falls down. On hearing the 'dhoom' sound Banta asks him, "Oye kya hua?"
Santa replies, "Oye yaar, pak gaya tha!"

Santa and Banta Singh were bitter enemies. Santa lived on the 1st and Banta on the 7th floor of the same building. One day the lift was out of order and Banta Singh decided to play a trick on Santa and called him for dinner to his house at 7:30 pm. So Santa huffing and puffing manages to reach the 7th floor. To his dismay he finds a big lock on the door and a message -
'HA HA ULLU BANA DIA!'
Santa is angry but thinks a lot and finally writes his reply below Banta's message -
'MAIN TO YAHAN AAYA HI NAHIN THA!!'

Due to the tension in India-Pakistan border, the Customs officials in India were warned of possible smuggling of guns from Pakistan into India. A man came to the border from Pakistan on a bicycle with two bags tied on each sides of the cycle and he was stopped!
"What are you carrying?" asked the officials. He replied, "Just sand!" "OK, open it the bags! Let's see!" He did and it contained nothing but sand!
After 2 days, the bicycle man was again on the border. "What are you carrying now?" asked the officials . He said, "Just sand!". " OK, open it! Let's see!" Again, nothing but sand! And so it went for several many days!
Soon after the war was over and everything was fine. Sometime later one of the officials met the man with the bicycle in a market. "Hey you! We are sure you were smuggling something but always the bags had sand! What was it that you were smuggling?"
"Bicycles!" he replied!

A young Irish tourist walked into this dhhaba in Punjab one night and all of a sudden, everyone stopped, looked at him and started to smirk. One of the biggest, meanest looking guys stands up and shouts, "217". Well, the whole crowd broke out in maniacal laughter until one of the guys sitting behind him shouts, "136". At this, the Irish man, very confused, blushes and moves to the counter. The rest of the people in dhhaba continued shouting numbers at him and laughing until some of them couldn't laugh any more.
The young Irish says to the man behind the counter, "Why are they all shouting numbers at me and laughing?" The dhhaba owner replied, "Well, there are so many jokes about you Irish guys that we just use numbers to tell which one we mean. If you want, just stand there and shout a number..."
So the young Irish stands there and the whole dhhaba goes silent. At the top of his voice he screams "326". At this, everybody in the bar laughs so hard that they fall off their chairs and roll around on the floor. Completely baffled, the Irish turns to the visibly shaking dhhaba owner and asks why everyone was laughing so much. Between chuckles, the dhhaba owner replied, "They haven't heard that one before."

Santa Singh goes into an electrical goods store, you know one of these stores that sells fridges, TVs etc. Santa walks up to the salesman, points and says, "I want to buy this TV."The salesman say, "Sorry, we do not sell anything to surds." So Santa goes away and comes back two hours later after having a haircut, points and says, "I want to buy this TV." The salesman once again replies, "Sorry, we do not sell anything to surds." Santa goes away again and comes back two hours later with his beard and moustache also shaved, points, and says, "I want to buy this TV". The salesman once again replies, "Sorry, we do not sell anything to surds, Why are you wasting your and my time? Don't come back in the shop again!" Santa says sheepishly, "OK, you do not sell to Surds. But tell me how did you figure out that I was a surd even after I had shaved my hair, moustache and beard. The salesman replied, "Because that TV you want to buy is actually a microwave oven."

Jokes!