This pregnancy I wanted so much. I had been with my partner for about 3 years and wanted to give him a child and myself another before it was to late. But we didn't plan it either, as we were seeing each other but weren't actually together at the time. I have 2 girls from my marriage, who at the time were 18 and 16.
When I first thought I was pregnant I took a home test and found out it was positive. Wasn't sure how my partner would feel. So was feeling scared, excited confused etc.
I waited a couple of days and went to the Doctors to confirm it, still not having told him. By this stage no matter how he or anyone reacted I was prepared to do it myself if I had too. I had wanted this for along time.
When I got home I told him, and couldn't work out if he was shocked, excited disappointed etc. He was excited, and along with my youngest daughter had thought I was by the cravings I been having for over the last week or two.
We went for the first ultrasound at 6 weeks and saw our babies heart beat. That was the best feeling, and seeing my partners reaction was so nice.
We didn't have the Amnio test as we had decided no matter what we were keeping the baby.
No matter what.
Before long I suffered sever heartburn, which worsed and lasted throughout the whole pregnancy.
I started feeling movement early which was so exciting.
Unfortuantly the relationship started falling apart and I felt I was doing it and going through it by myself. I still didn't care I was just so looking forward to all this, even starting over again.
I normally have low blood pressure, but due to stress it went lower for awhile. I had regualar checks at the Doctors when ever I was concerned, all was going well.
At first I felt you were a girl, but as time was going on I felt you might be a little boy. I so wanted a little boy, sometimes I even just thought it wishful thinking.
By the time I was 17 weeks I had already decided I liked the name Zac for you, but was looking at both male and female names. If you were a girl I wanted a Kiwi/Maori name, as my partner was a Kiwi.
I finally got into the hospital for my first antenatal when I was 18 weeks and they were organising my 18 week Ultrasound, which I wouldn't get to till nearly 20 weeks.
The week before my Ultrasound I thought I was loosing you, so took myself up to the Hospital. All was fine with you and all tests came back clear. I had to go in the next morning for an Ultrasound to make sure you were fine. On this day they informed my daughter and I you were a little boy. And said all seemed good on the Ultrasound. But to come back for my appointed one.
Unfortuantly my next Ultrasound picked up problems, they thought there was something wrong with your heart. They booked me to see another specialist, that specialized in heart problems in babies.
They found he had two holes in his heart and that the left side of his heart was small. They said the holes could be fixed when he was born. But they were worried about the left side, incase it shrunk more or didn't grow at all. They also said he had a 9 out of 10 chance of having Down Syndrome. But they also said that could be wrong, as he could have just had a heart problem. They also said they couldn't guarantee the outcome
No matter what both my Daughter and I decided we were going to do the best we could for him. If he had Down Sydrome/Heart problems etc we would cope with it.
As the pregnancy went along it took alot out of me at times, as it was a hot Summer, I also suffered Reflux, (so had to sleep on the lounge), severe heart burn, back ache and at times swelling in the legs.
I didn't care as time was getting closer and I was so looking forward to the day "My little Man" was born.
I had everything ready for him, the last of the stuff was on layby. I had decided on the name Zaquaree Taylor. I started retalking to his Father again, but things didn't work out. I stayed in contact with his Mum and she offered to pick me up from a Hospital appointment on the 20th January.
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