Bargain Deals from Cthulhu & Nosferatu

Bargains of all kinds: Dracula, Faustus, Melmoth deals, and house remodeling -- this is rather simple and it won't cost you your soul (while you are alive). Here is a sample of what we can do in the way of renovation:

BEFORE The neat thing about this is that the original house did not actually change; it only LOOKs like the one on the right. Thus you can have the best of both worlds.

=======> presto, changeo!

AFTER

[Price: Open your place as a Bed and Breakfast, and do Norman Bates things there, that's all]

---

DRACULA deal: Become a real vampire [Price: only your Mother's soul, or another loved one's]

FAUSTUS special: Women of breathtaking beauty can be yours, riches beyond imagining, power, knowledge, and 200 years of perfect health [Price: afraid we cannot take substitutes for your own soul -- this deal is brokered through a third party]

MELMOTH forever: If you love to travel, this is the deal for you: an eternity of Wandering and globetrotting, with survival of the worst in the way of earthquakes, floods, eruptions, hurricanes, etc. guaranteed [Price: this is FREE, but there's no ending of this contract until the sun swallows the earth at the end of time]

CURSES galore! We have a catalogue of over 1000 curses: get your worst enemy, your rich aunt, your nagging wife, that nasty boss who refuses to give you a raise.... [Price: varies]

PREINCARNATION: Do you admire Keats and Mozart and Elvis, Janis Joplin, Marylin Monroe, or Princess Diana? Wonder what they would have gone on to accomplish -- or else you would just rather be them and handle it better than they did? OK, we have a deal here, but only for one-time use (for example, Judy Garland is already taken up, but oddly enough Elvis isn't -- maybe all those impersonaters don't need our help, they are already convinced). We have to create an alternate universe for you to live in where you can actually be inserted as that person at the time of their death in our world, negate that death, and carry on from there in that persona. [Price: more than most people can afford, namely all the souls in a city, say, the size of Cleveland -- somebody like Bill Gates could afford it, but why would he want to be anybody but Bill Gates? However, if you want to be Chico Marx, that will only cost you all the souls in Bound Brook, NJ]

Customers will be provided with one month's luxury accommodation at our Company Headquarters in Hyperborea.

NOTE: Everything we supply is guaranteed to be Year 3000 Compliant, or better, depending on your plan.

WEB PAGES. See our Web Page site Cthulhu & Nosferatu