MARSHMOUNT TRUST PROGRESS REPORT

(Last years of the millennium)

Here are some of the works accomplished or in progress:

• The Causeway over the swamp from the castle to Fenton-on-the-Marsh has been repaired, although it is not ready for anything but four-wheel drive vehicles at this stage (to fully rebuild it is estimated to cost about a million pounds). There is a shuttle Land Rover service from Fenton.
• The Sump Knoll has been nearly restored as a permanent residence for Lord Seth. It will appear ruinous from the outside (with major gaps in the walls and towers filled in very cleverly with 'fake ruin' rubble patching), and will contain a warren of rooms with all mod-cons but nothing luxurious. It will remain off-limits to all visitors.
• The bridge from Sump Knoll to the Keep has been rebuilt and the barbican and path to the castle recobblestoned. In addition, caretaker Samuel Gulliverson's quarters in the outer gatehouse were modernized (he now has a flush toilet for the first time in his life, which has now lasted 93 years) -- he refused, however, to allow the removal of the ivy and wild rose bushes growing on the exterior walls of the buildings, which attitude has Lord Seth's full approval because it blends in with the 'decor' of the Sump Knoll.
• The ruinous buildings within the inner ward, and the curtain wall, are in the process of being 'conserved' under the advice of inspectors from the Ancient Works department of the government -- it will all be green grass and well-mortared stubs of foundations, even in the outer ward. This will be completed by the end of September 1998, at which point construction of a castle 'theme' park (details not yet publicized) in the outer ward will be undertaken. There will be a large parking lot in the outer ward but no asphalt will be used by explicit order from Lord Seth.
• Redigging the moat. Although surrounded by swamp, Marshmount Castle originally had the additional protection of a 'moat' (deep ditch around the precinct, kept clear of swampish vegetation). This will be redug, dredged, and defoliated. Lord Seth wanted to stock it with alligators, but will settle for giant carp.
• Reroofing the New Hall. A project beyond our dreams before the sale of Uppquhark Castle. This will become an art gallery, believe it or not, a venue for all the local artists of Wotshire to display and sell their productions.
• St. Bob's Bones Tower. Work is apace to fully restore this section of the gatehouse, and the gatehouse itself, to its medieval appearance in time for the millennium. The chapel will be restored (as funds come in) as a beautiful non-denominational site for weddings (receptions in the New Hall) and other occasions.
• North Tower and Keep. Apart from consolidation of the ruins, there are no plans at this time for these buildings. The northern domestic range will be left as a total ruin, but will contain picnic tables and outdoor concessions, weather permitting.
• The well has been covered with a grating to protect small children from falling in.
• Guichardo's Folly. This magnificent building will remain closed, except by application to the Trust, for several years, although much needed repairs to the fabric will be undertaken.

Update: Feb 1999

• The causeway is now negotiable for most cars, and the parking area in the outer ward has been cleared. There is room for about 30 vehicles (but no buses).
• Consolidation of the ruins is on schedule. Also part of the moat was redug -- work suspended at the onset of winter. All of this will be finished by July 1999.
• The St. Bob's Bones project has encountered a snag in the form of a law suit by 'concerned Christians'. Roofing, exterior masonry repairs and pointing, and infrastructure (such as plumbing and central heating -- which has also been extended to Guichardo's Folly) is almost complete, but until the law suit is resolved the pilgrimage site will be off limits to visitors.
• Castle Theme Park. This is obviously on hold. Besides, Lord Seth is having second thoughts about it. Likewise, the conversion of the New Hall to an art gallery.
• Jan 28, 1999. We regret to inform you of the death of our loyal caretaker Samuel Gulliverson, a fortnight after his 94th birthday party (at which a good time was had by all, except perhaps for the honoree, who grumbled "what's all this fuss and bother?"). He will be sorely missed. His position has been filled by the appointment of his great-grand-niece Melissa Gulliverson, who brings 40 years of service as a wardress at the Fenton Asylum and an inordinate hatred of all men with her. She has sworn to maintain the ivy and rose bushes around the outer gatehouse, which she will now inhabit. Welcome, Melissa!

  By the way, Melissa Gulliverson (Miss) has also been appointed general secretary to the Marshmount Castle Trust, and as such, all correspondence should be directed to her rather than Seth Pottlebury, who does not want to deal with any of this.

Update: May 1999

Nobody reads this incidental stuff, nobody cares (though there is a lot of interest in Marshmount and Gwernogle Castles). So let us just say that the Sump Knoll was fully restored, then Seth moved out of it to live in the reconstructed gatehouse of Gwernogle Castle. Melissa has installed her five young grand-nieces into the Sump Knoll, along with her two hunky nephews as chaperones and castle guardians (possibly a mistake, but who dares to judge?). In Fenton, the local youth now call this Virgin Castle, or Perilous Guard, and in fact the portcullises on both sides of the bridge were restored. The castle is now open to the public, by the way, but you have to apply for admission by mail and supply references. The redigging of the moat has been finished ahead of schedule (and stocked with pirhanas -- we have yet to see how these South American fish will thrive in England: they seem to be doing all right at the moment with voles and foolish rabbits that fall or are thrown in). The causeway has been fixed up enough that a 1937 Volvo was able to negotiate it recently, to the cheers of the locals who had hiked out to witness this event. And the Archbishop of York and all the local MP's (though not yet the Pope or any Catholic politician) have come out in support of the St. Bob's Bones restoration.

Contact Information

• Marshmount Castle and Folly Trustees 
     Guildhall Annex 
     Lower Middle High Street Road  
     Fenton-on-the-Marsh 
     Wotshire TUT-F8Z 
     62-489956

• http://marshmount.co.uk/nosuchsite/nonsense.html