26-mar 2001
There's a peace i feel as i watch my cat, babbit, sleep.  I don't know why...(or i do know and just don't see it yet), but i sit here watching him sleep 

content, peaceful, safe...

As though he knows he is safe in the haven that is our apartment.  

That regardless of what happens to me
to him
to us
that he is safe here at this moment 
and while i can't promise him anything
i will always do everything i can for him

and this is why i love babbit...because he sees me

he asks nothing of me but graciously accepts and thanks me for all that i give him..
and i realize now that this is how i am with people.

i am 100 percent completely absorbed in the present. i try to give all of myself in the moments that i share with people with no promise of the future.  Maybe it's selfish, maybe it's lazy, maybe it's brilliant...i honestly don't know. i just know that it is so.

people want more sometimes and i can't give that...yet. 
Maybe never.

why? is that right? no, and it is definitely not wrong...it just is.
but i don't ask you to understand. i don't ask for anything, it would go against everything i say that i believe...and i would never lie to you, else i would hardly be giving you all of myself in this moment.

Why can't some people see that when it's obvious to my cat?

xoxo
    -g

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