AMUSING APPLICATION ANSWERS
I work in an office where we deal with applications to companies all across the United States. It is really amazing what some people put on an application. I've picked out some and thought I'd share them with you. I will not post the names of the applicants, just some of the unusual, funny, or interesting things they've written. Hope you enjoy them as much as I have. *Smile*
REASON FOR LEAVING.....
"Retirement."(Under supervisor was listed "Wife")
"My father worked for the company also. My father quit so I got fired."
"Survival."(From a teacher in NY)
"I was way behind on my child support and went to jail, but I'm caught up now."
"Conflict of interest...supervisor and manager didn't like females."
"Due to certain circumstances, became an inconvience to myself and the company."
"Double failure of fire arms test. I resigned in lew of termination." (law enforcement officer)
"Party with employer. Policy violation."
"Sailed to Cabo San Lucas."
"Sold policies door to door (yuck!). Couldn't hack it!"
"Got upset about something another employee said about something said to supervisor.
"Sea sick too much. (from an offshore worker)
"It is for the most part, a corrupt business & coming from spiritual integrity, I can't be bothered with it."
"They wanted me 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week, with just a phone call. Had no respect for personal time."
"Fired for outdated beef jerky."
"To marry the boss's brother."
"Boss had a bad day."
"Always on time."
"Quit - Stupid me."
"Lots of people quit and got fired. My boss threw a vacuum at me. It just got to be depressing there."
"Owner is psycho. No, she really is psycho."
"I forgot I had a loaded gun on me."
"Know ferther edvancement" (neatly typed)
Q. "Why did you leave your last position?"
A. "My boss threw a fit when she caught me having a beer and smoking a joint. I don't see what the big deal was, I was on a break."
(Last position was as a nurse!)
Contributed by Machelle Straight
Q. "Why did you leave your last position?"
A. "Lack of transportation."
Q. "Do you now have adequate means to arrive to work?"
A. "Yeah, I got my license back. Before I had to rely on my manager for a ride. Well, when his wife found out we were having an affair she made him stop giving me rides to work."
Contributed by Machelle Straight
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EDUCATION, TRAINING, OR OTHER QUALIFICATIONS.....
"Self taught in quantum physics, astrophysics, thermodynamic's and relativity." (GED only formal education listed)
"My qualifications & experience go well beyond what I can fit on this sheet of paper."
"Ten-key by sight."
"I am very reliable, trustworthy and gosh darnit, people like me!"
"Hamburger University."
"Slide rule operation."
"Made sandwiches for customers, engaging in conversation and communication techniques."
"Life."
"Management Coarse"
"Frosty eating contest champ."
"Bake killer cookies."
"My energy level and passion for my work are what makes me stand out in a crowd of millions."
"I have a giant selection of tropical shirts." (applicant to Hawaiian restaurant)
"When I wear a Hawaiian shirt, people say I look like Don Ho."
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OTHER COMPENSATION.....
"I got a chicken for Thanksgiving & Christmas."
"Hugs, kisses & dirty socks." (written by a housewife)
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TITLE.....
"Emergency 911 Operator...making $9.11 hour."
"Sub Human Resources."
"Housewife / Mother / Slave." (this is the one who got the hugs, kisses and dirty socks above)
"Sychologist." (hand printed)
"Sandwich Engineer."
"Fugitive Emission Tech"
"Sicologist."
"U.S. Army Corpse of Engineers."
"Emotionally Disturbed Teaching Assistant" (actually was Teaching Assistant for emotionally disturbed....hmmmmm Freudian slip?)
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WRITTEN REFERENCE COMMENTS.....
"I feel he would be an outstanding addiction to any organization."
"From what I understand he has done very well selling drugs. I don't think you would be disappointed." (for a pharmaceutical company)
"He's all here, but he's not all there sometimes."
"He always told me the key to success is to play golf, and use a knife, fork and spoon when eating in a restaurant."
"The only time I saw a need to give him advice or suggestions was on his resume. The way he had it was too 'folksy'."
"Just hire her and get it over with."
"Unless she has rapidly matured, no responsibility should be given to her. She scares me!"
"Wind her up and watch her go."
"Pressure? He is a Scorpio. Scorpios do not understand the meaning of pressure. They are usually in the eye of the hurricane before they even admit they know it is raining."
"As General Manager, his duties were to overlook employees."
"She needs to take a little time for herself....open her eyes to all those around who are not so driven....she is a work alcoholic." (Reference later called to make a correction that he ment to say "she is a work-a-holic" not work alcoholic.
"If it means anyting, I can tell you he doesn't drink or smoke.
"He was responsible for taking care of customers and trouble shooting them.
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ODDS AND ENDS.....
Q. Can you show proof of right to work in the United States?
A. Yes
Q. Type of Visa?
A. Citibank
Q. Name and title of immediate supervisor.
A. John Doe, Deceased
Q. May we contact?
A. Yes
Address found on a credit report:
1 Dead Beat, We Got You, TX
On an application to a medical facility.
Q. Reason you believe you would benefit this corporation.
A. I'm sick a lot so I know about doctors offices.
Contributed by
Running Deer
Q. Do you have any Windows experience?
A. "Yes, I cleaned them when I worked at Denny's".
(Note: On her application she wrote she has a degree in computer graphics!)
Contributed by Machelle Straight
This response came from a gentleman when he was informed he would not be hired because of a failed drug test. "I am 90% sure the test is wrong."
Contributed by Machelle Straight
Q. Dates of employment?
A. "Monday thru Friday."
Q. List any other names you have worked or received a degree under.
A. "J.C. Penney Catalog"
One of our background screening packages includes calling an applicant's references. One client wanted to let us know they will be calling the references themselves and sent us the email below.
"We do the references but we get them by other means....twisting their arms, bamboo shoots under the fingernails or other forms of torture to make them talk. :-)"
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