The Sound of Silent Fears
Chapters 8 - 9
by Christie D.

Continued from Chapter 7

Chapter 8:

Gabrielle tried to pull her up, but instead felt Xena’s fingers slipping through her hand. Their eyes met. For an instant, Gabrielle heard nothing, was aware of nothing. Just the intense fear and the look of realization that death was near in Xena’s eyes. All Gabrielle could do is watch in horror, as Xena’s fingers slipped from her grasp and Xena fell towards the rocky bank below.

Sitting there, at the top of the cliff, tears of pain and sorrow coursing down Gabrielle’s face. She crept toward the edge and leaned dangerously over. She spotted her friend sprawled out about a few feet from the top. Gabrielle was sick with worry, but also relieved that Xena had not fallen that far. She just stared down at the unconscious form of her friend for the better part of a half a candlemark. What was she going to do? How would she be able to help her?, she wondered.

Then it came to her. Gabrielle knew exactly what to do.

Meanwhile back at the tavern, Cyrene was out collecting eggs when Argo came charging into the courtyard. Cyrene immediately knew something was wrong. Argo’s saddle was empty and there was no sign of either Gabrielle or Xena. With rising panic she threw the basket she was carrying, not caring where it landed, and ran toward the inn. After collecting some supplies, she set off to find them.

Gabrielle prayed to Artemis to save her friend. "Oh, great goddess of the Amazons! I, your loyal queen call upon you!" With a flash of light, Artemis appeared in front of her. "You do not have to explain Gabrielle, I know why you are here!", the Goddess smiled. Artemis lowered herself down the side of the cliff and knelt down next to Xena. She carefully picked up the warrior, who was still deathly cold, and disappeared. When she reappeared, Artemis and Xena were back on the top of the cliff. The Goddess gently placed the warrior on the soft grass and wrapped her up in one of their sleeping blankets. As Artemis turned to Gabrielle, with a sad expression, she spoke. "I cannot fix everything Gabrielle! Xena still has a lot of healing ahead of her. I can fix some of her injuries, but as for her hearing, that’s up to her.", the Goddess explained. It was easy to see what Gabrielle was thinking. She didn’t care, as long as Xena was with her. With that the Goddess vanished.

Gabrielle quickly started a fire and held Xena close to her in an attempt to give Xena her own warmth. Xena’s lips were blue and she had not stirred since. After about a candlemark, Xena began to shiver. Gently at first, and then violently. This frightened Gabrielle. She did not know what was happening. All Gabrielle could think of was to keep the fire going and to keep Xena warm. She held her friend and rocked her. Gabrielle couldn’t figure out why Xena had done what she did. What would push her friend into thinking she had to kill herself?

Not far away, the Gods were in an argument over what happened as well. Artemis had confronted Ares and demanded to know why he had done this to her loyal bard. What could he possibly want from them now? He had hurt Xena and Gabrielle so much in the last few years. "Xena is my chosen! Why shouldn’t I want her back?", Ares screamed at Artemis. "Just because your precious Gabrielle cannot live without her! Why should I care?", Ares stormed out of the room. Artemis would not let it end this way. "After all Xena has done for my Amazons, I owe it to her to fulfill her wish to be with Gabrielle! If it wasn’t for your evil influence! Xena has tried so hard to fight her dark side. She has proven to you, time and again, that she doesn’t want anything to do with you! You have caused her so much pain and grief. First, you took her brother and now her son is gone. Why can’t you just leave them alone! Artemis was furious. Why was Ares doing this?

Finally, Xena’s shivering began to lessen, her breathing steadied and she fell into a peaceful sleep wrapped in Gabrielle’s arms. She slept for several candlemarks. Her color was better and Xena seemed to be undisturbed by nightmares.

After spending many candlemarks looking, Cyrene had to stop and rest. "Where could they be?", she asked Argo, not really expecting an answer. Argo snorted and started to wander off. "Where are you going, girl?", Cyrene wondered. She followed Argo until they came to a clearing. Gabrielle looked up when she heard the sound of hoof-beats. "Argo!", she had forgotten about her. "I wondered where she had wandered off to!" Gabrielle’s unasked question was short lived, for then she saw Cyrene coming out of the bushes and into the clearing. "What are you doing here?", Gabrielle asked while running to her and grabbing her into a hug. "I was worried. Where’s Xena", Cyrene asked with a hint of fear in her voice. "She’s ok, Cyrene. Xena’s just asleep.", she pointed to where Xena was sound asleep under a blanket. Gabrielle did not tell Cyrene what had happened. She did not want to worry her any further. If Xena wanted her to know, she’d tell her later.

Cyrene and Gabrielle turned to see Xena staring at them with curious eyes. With one eyebrow raised she signed, "What are you doing here? The last thing I remember was leaving the stables, when I went for a walk to clear my head! Why are we here?", she asked with a confused glance at Gabrielle. Gabrielle had a feeling that there was a lot of pieces that were out of place that would have to wait until later. There were so many unanswered questions. The main one floating at the top of Gabrielle’s thoughts was Why?

Gabrielle continued to watch over her friend. Xena could not figure out what all the fuss was about. She felt fine. Her wounds were healed and she hadn’t had pain for over a quarter moon. Other than her hearing, everything seemed to be back to normal. Ares on the other hand, now that was another matter all together. Why could she hear him, of all the gods, why him? Should she tell Gabrielle about it? Xena didn’t quite understand it herself, let alone try to explain it to Gabrielle.

Why couldn’t Xena remember what happened?, Gabrielle pondered. Was this just one of Ares tricks. Is he trying to win her back, just like when we encountered the Furies? What is your goal in all of this, Ares? What could you possibly gain from this?, she thought.

That night, as they sat around the campfire, Gabrielle went over and sat next to Xena. "Is something bothering you?", she asked after noticing that Xena stared blankly into the fire. "It’s nothing Gabrielle. Just a headache.", Xena signed, then began to rub her temples. "Are you ok?", Gabrielle signed worried. Xena leaned over and hugged her friend. "Yeah, I’m fine. Why don’t you try and get some sleep!", Xena signed as she kissed Gabrielle on the forehead.

After Gabrielle had fallen asleep, Cyrene rose and sat next to Xena. "Come here my little one!", she signed with a smile. Xena inched closer to her mother and put her head in Cyrene’s lap. Cyrene almost cried. Xena hadn’t done that for years. Her heart felt like it was going to burst. Cyrene stroked Xena’s head, caught up in past memories, she began to hum a lullaby she used to sing to Xena when she was young. Even though Cyrene knew Xena could not hear her, the song helped Cyrene. She did not want Xena to see how upset she really was. She continued to watch over Xena and soon she was fast asleep. Cyrene wanted it to last forever. It had been such a long time since she felt like she had her little girl back. Cyrene carefully, without disturbing Xena, pulled a blanket over them both and after giving Xena a light kiss on the head she went to sleep.

Chapter 9:

Gabrielle awoke the next morning, the sun had not risen over the mountains, nature was calling and she forced herself out of the warmth of her blanket. As she began to rise, she noticed mother and daughter sleeping side-by-side. After quietly taking in this wonderful scene,

Gabrielle could wait no longer and headed into the forest. When she arrived back at camp, Gabrielle quickly slipped back under the covers trying not to disturb Xena and Cyrene.

When Gabrielle finally got out of bed, she found Cyrene sitting at a freshly lit fire drinking tea. "Where’s Xena?", Gabrielle asked while rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. "It’s about time you got out of bed." Cyrene winked at the bard. "She’s hunting for breakfast. I think she mentioned doing some drills and then she’ll be back.", Cyrene smiled. Gabrielle went and sat next to Cyrene. Cyrene handed her a cup of tea. "Thank you for being so quiet this morning!", Cyrene smiled at Gabrielle. How did she know?, Gabrielle wondered. As if to read her thoughts, Cyrene replied, "Xena’s not the only one who has many skills!" They both laughed and continued drinking their tea.

Meanwhile, Xena was in the clearing attempting some flips and somersaults. With her recent injury, the flips were difficult, but as the session went on they became more natural. Xena’s grin would widen with every successful landing. Maybe, just maybe, Gabrielle was right. Everything was starting to be put behind them. Xena’ s moment of peace did not last long however, Ares appeared in the clearing. "I was wondering when you’d show your face! My skin’s been crawling all morning.", Xena was extremely annoyed. "Oh, Xena! Xena, Xena, Xena. If you only knew!", Ares chuckled. "Zeus is in an uproar and I have the other gods breathing down my neck. Why can’t you just be happy to see me for once?" Xena snorted. "Poor Ares, in a little hot water? What did you do this time?", she said with an amused grin. "Oh, you mean you don’t know? Let’s just put it this way. It was something that Gabrielle will never forget.", Ares grinned evilly. His breath tickled the hairs on the back of Xena’ s neck.

Her temper was flaring. "What have you done to Gabrielle?" Xena’s fists were clenching and unclenching. Ares just laughed and disappeared. Fearing for Gabrielle and her mother, Xena swiftly ran back to camp.

Xena had stopped running only a short distance from their campsite. After watching from the edge of the clearing, she decided that everything was in order, and slowly walked into camp. As if on cue, Gabrielle and Cyrene looked up and smiled at her. Xena placed the fish she had caught earlier onto the spit on the fire and sat down on one of the logs. Still trying to calm her panic-stricken nerves, Xena sat at the edge of the fire sharpening her sword. It was like the sword was the only thing that mattered. Xena refused to let on that she knew Gabrielle was staring at her in obvious wonder.

"What happened? Why are you so tense?", Gabrielle received not even a glimmer of a response. Xena just continued to stare at the flames, not even acknowledging that she had seen Gabrielle. Frustrated, she let go of Xena’s arm, went back to the other side of the fire and sat down.

That night they decided to move to higher ground. A storm was rolling in, not giving them enough time to make it back to the inn. There was a cave that Xena and Gabrielle had used previously, not to far from them. When they were settled and had a fire going, Xena leaned against the cave wall and stared at the rain as it poured at the entrance to the cave blanketing the world just beyond. All she could think of was Gabrielle. What had Ares done? Gabrielle looked fine! What could he have meant? She stood and stretched, a little sore from all the rigorous training. She turned and looked at the two sleeping forms on the other side of the fire. Xena smiled, it was moments like this that she treasured most, watching her best friend and mother peacefully asleep. Xena wrapped her cloak around her shoulders and closed her eyes.

Her sleep was not to be a peaceful one, in the grips of a nightmare Xena began to cry out. She would thrash and moan, saying bits and pieces of unrecognizable words. Xena was dreaming of the day at the cliff. It was like she was watching from the sidelines. Xena could see herself getting closer and closer to the edge of the cliff. "No!", she would cry out. She continued to thrash, sweat pouring down her face. Cyrene awoke, not certain of her surroundings at first, turned to see Xena flushed and crying out in fear.

Xena’s nightmares continued throughout the night. Frightening images plagued her thoughts. Flames and the screams of people from her past. Xena would see past battles played out over and over again. Then she would find herself watching funeral pyres burn. Watching as flames devoured warriors that had died in battle. Faces of those she loved and lost, began to flash by her thoughts. Marcus, Borias, Lyceus, Kaliepus and Solan. Xena cried out Solan’s name in her sleep, still caught in the depth of her dreams.

By now Gabrielle had awoken and had joined Cyrene at Xena’s side. She took hold of Cyrene’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. Cyrene smiled at Gabrielle and turned to watch over Xena. Cyrene was worried, why must her daughter go on like this? Cyrene knew of all the horrible crimes her daughter had committed, but how much longer must this misery continue? Cyrene was curious, she did not know a lot about her daughter’s life, who was Xena talking about? Cyrene turned to Gabrielle and asked, "Who is Solan?" Gabrielle, unsure of what to tell Cyrene replied, "A young boy Xena and I met a year ago. We had helped his uncle Kaliepus fight off a warlord..... They had become good friends. ... He died a few months ago....He was murdered. Cyrene, sensing that Gabrielle wasn’t telling her everything, listened to the deep emotion in the bards voice as she spoke. Getting Xena to tell her anything was out of the question. It was like talking to a wall, as if Xena had locked away so much of her life and now to bring those memories to the surface were causing her more pain than any injury she had ever received in battle. Cyrene had never seen Xena in so much grief. Not even when Lyceus died. She had never seen such powerful emotion from her daughter. Did this child mean more?, Cyrene wondered. Cyrene was determined to help her daughter through this and Gabrielle was the key to the mystery.

As pieces of the puzzle began to present themselves, Cyrene was becoming confused. Xena would mumble apologies, claiming that it was all her fault. Who was Xena talking to? Had she done something to someone and only now realizing that she was wrong? Could Xena be blaming herself for Solan’s death? Cyrene stared at her daughter and smoothing a stray hair off of her daughter’s forehead. there was definitely more to his death than Gabrielle was telling her. Did this boy have something to do with Xena’s increasing depression? Cyrene continued to stare at her daughter’s sleeping form and wondered. After many candlemarks, the nightmares seemed to be subsiding and Xena seemed more aware of Cyrene’s presence. Cyrene leaned down until she was level with Xena’s ear and whispered, "Oh, Xena! Why must you run from anything painful. Your not alone with this. We can help you, but only if you will let us. I love you my little one!" After pouring her heart out to the sleeping form, Cyrene could feel Xena relax some. Cyrene curled up beside Xena and tried to rest. Unnoticed by Cyrene, a single tear ran down from Xena’s eye and rolled down the side of her face.

Xena jolted awake and tried to catch her breath, it was all she could do to hold back a scream. Her hair was plastered to her forehead and sweat covered her body. Xena searched the camp with panic filled eyes. She crept over to where Gabrielle was curled up asleep and pulled the blanket from her friend’s face. Xena sighed with relief and flopped into a sitting position beside Gabrielle. There would be no more sleep for the warrior tonight. She just sat there shaking and trying to regain control of her emotions. Xena sat and watched her mother and friend sleeping, only when dawn was approaching did she decide to go for a walk. Xena entered the clearing and threw herself into some sword drills attempting to regain control. Xena did not know why, but she could feel something was not right. She walked over to Argo and greeted her horse with a friendly scratch between Argo’s ears. The horse neighed and butted her in the chest. This made the warrior chuckle and she reached over to retrieve the curry comb from the saddlebags. After brushing Argo till her coat shone with the sun, Xena gave her mount a quick kiss on the nose and went in search of breakfast. Argo always did have a calming effect on her. Argo knew all of Xena’s worries and fears. It was always easier to talk to Argo, she never interrupted and never judged her for her faults. Xena knew Gabrielle understood some of her past, but she was not ready to talk to her about it. Xena always felt that if Gabrielle or her mother knew about her past life that they would not want to be near her. This frightened her more than any nightmare.

To be continued...(maybe)