"Space the final frontier, these are voyages of the star ship enterprise whoops five year..." Err wait no it turned into a speech on mythical Greek type figures, hey what is this Hercules or the X-Files!? Oh the X-Files as now we see two boys strolling along merrily in the woods in one of those countries I can’t spell but used to be part of the former soviet union. They smell something....
DMITRI: Did you fart?
OTHER DUDE: Nah it was you!
DMITRI: Was not! Man you stink that was a real stinky....
OTHER DUDE: Look we didn’t fart that smell is coming from all those burnt cars and dead bodies....
Cue Music-
"Been walking my mind to an easy time, my back turned towards the sun. Lord knows, when the cold wind blows it’ll turn your head around. Well , there’s hours of time on the telephone line, to talk about things to come: sweet dream and flying machine in pieces on the ground. Whoa, I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain. I’ve sunny days that I thought would never end. I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find friend. But I always thought that I’d see you baby one more time again."
‘Fire And Rain’
James Taylor
Meanwhile in the woods the boy, Dmitri, is found by RatBoy! RatBoy drags the kid down to the UN team and has what appears to be a some not to kind words to with the Uni-blond.
RATBOY: What you doing here on Russian soil?
UNI-BLOND: Helping ya with the current forest fires, I’m from the States and we get these all the time in California, only this year it is mud slides and you guys have the fires that damn El Nino!
RATBOY: Cut the crap! You ain’t her for no fire putting out you want the secrets of the black oily stuff. Well tough I ain’t sharing. When I asked for help you offered none and they hacked my arm off, so I’ll be damned if I help ya now, later have fun figuring it out.
UNI-BLOND: Glad to know we could turn to you for help.
RATBOY: Ehh, your mother hampster and your father smelt of elderberries.... And I fart in your general direction!
Next we go all the way around the world to Massachusetts where there is a UFO meeting going on. Lots of big wigs talk about their ideas on abductions and yeah Mulder is there on the board no less - only he tells everyone he doesn’t believe any more. After the big to do, Mulder meets up with a doctor they chat and he convinces Mulder to see one of his patient, patient X.
I guess this happens at the same time but next we see some Russian prison and RatBoy just beat the crap out of the boy and some doctor comes in. RatBoy orders the test be done then leaves but not before swiping a bottle of some red stuff from the tray. And now back to Mulder as he meets a one Cassandra Spender, Patent X. They chat about Daune Barry and a whole slew of things, but Mulder still isn’t convinced and is questioning everything from the existence of extra terrestrial life to the secret ingredient in coke.
Back to that prison camp in Russia and our boy Dmitri has under went the test. The doctor that did the test is found hung and RatBoy is now on a freighter ship bound for the States with the boy - who’s eyes and mouth are sown shut - in tow.
Next we are in DC and Scully is stopped in the hall by Agent Jeffrey Spender. They chat he tells her a bit about his mom and stuff. This boy looks familiar almost like a young CSM oh well.... Next we cut to New York and the Uni-blond is telling the group about the fire in Russia, the phone rings it is RatBoy , they chat about the boy.
Back in DC in the FBI building basement Mulder is sitting at his desk Scully comes in and slings the morning paper on his desk.
MULDER: Why’d ya do that?
SCULLY: What is this crap?
MULDER: A paper?
SCULLY: Ha ha very funny. Why all of a sudden you taking my stance, "Aliens don’t exist" you keep that up and they will transfer me. No need for me to be here to disprove and mock your findings when you can do that all by your self.... Or is this just some lame attempt to get out of getting me a desk?
MULDER: Neither.
SCULLY: Then what is up here Mulder? Are you just trying to have fun with these peoples heads?
MULDER: No, does it look like I’m having fun?
SCULLY: No you look constipated, here try some tums....
MULDER: Gee you know me better then my mom.
SCULLY: No really why the about face here. Five years ago you’d never say crap like that.
MULDER: Five years ago I was gullible, and used to wear ties with pigs on them.
SCULLY: Well ya have come a long way baby, now you wear normal ties only they just don’t match the suit you wear....
MULDER: Yeah well if I hear one more dumb abduction story I think I’ll puke or maybe kill someone.
SCULLY: Well I sort a have one for ya.
MULDER: Don’t start with me, I believe ya OK, you weren’t abducted by aliens...
SCULLY: No no, I was having this same type of conversation with an agent that cornered me on my down here.
MULDER: Really you sure he just wasn’t trying to ask you out on a date?
SCULLY: Hardly he talked about you the whole time, oh and his loony mom.
MULDER: Speaking of loons, I was talking to one today, Cassandra Spender...
SCULLY: Yeah I know the agent is her son, said she I crazy, weird ,not playing with a full deck and all I could think of was you.
MULDER: Gee thanks, anyway she is nut oh, here, read this it is her background.
MULDER: She is a bon-fide nut case. Actually believes she was abducted. I tried to tell her it was the government but...
SCULLY: Hey she might be right!
MULDER: Oh please I don’t need this and especially from you Ms, "There are no such things as aliens."
SCULLY: No really she was abducted at the same place I was.
MULDER: Scully, everyone gets abducted there its no big deal. Get over it and get on with your life. Go on a date for crying out loud!
SCULLY: Says here she has an implant in the base of her neck.
MULDER: Yeah so lots of people have those. Give her time she will claim the government removed her brain. What did he kid want anyway?
SCULLY: He didn’t want you to talk about this with anyone.
MULDER: Fine by me, you coming with me?
SCULLY: Um... no I have a feeling I’m being called, and this is an interesting report I’ll catch ya later...
MULDER: Sure fine what ever... just Scully...
SCULLY: Yes Mulder?
MULDER: Don’t believe the lie....
CASSANDRA: Do I know you?
SCULLY: No.
CASSANDRA: Yes I do.
SCULLY: No you don’t this is the first time we have meet.
CASSANDRA: You a doctor?
SCULLY: Sometimes, um Ms. Spender I’m here because.
CASSANDRA: Let me guess you think I’m a nut?
SCULLY: No. I don’t think that, believe me I know several nuts and you are not a nut, Mulder is a nut you are not. I am here because I talked to your son.
CASSANDRA: Well then you do think I’m a nut he does.
SCULLY: Well true, but..
CASSANDRA: How did you meet my boy?
SCULLY: We are in the FBI together and he stopped me in the hall and we talked about you.
CASSANDRA: He probably didn’t want you spreading rumors around that I’m a nut case.
SCULLY: Something to that effect yes. But then I read your history and about being abducted and...
CASSANDRA: You are one too you have been abducted and now you feel it right there in the base of your neck like me right? You know the feeling you are supposed to be some where but you just don’t know where, or like you missed a date...
SCULLY: Yeah that’s it! No wonder I never get dates I can never remember where I’m supposed to me them.
CASSANDRA: And you wake in the middle of the night lost and lonely...
SCULLY: Yeah exactly! Like right now I get the feeling I should be somewhere else.
CASSANDRA: You are a chosen one.
SCULLY: You get the same feeling?
CASSANDRA: All the time, thanks to this damn implant in my neck.. I’m thinking of having it removed.
SCULLY: No don’t you’ll get cancer and still have that lost feeling.
CASSANDRA: OK ... Ehh besides I like having this thing in neck they have so much to teach us. Like I now know the meaning of everything.
On a ship n NY harbor RatBoy and the Uni-blond meet. They have mad passionate sex and Scully gets that calling -maybe the two are related somehow. Anyway after sex RatBoy goes bake to the hole where the boy Dmitri was only he is not there and the Well Manicured man is but also demanding to know where the boy is. Cunfussed yet? Good that is the way this is designed, or so I’m told.
Next morning in the basement of the FBI Building...
MULDER: Well got some stuff that might interest you.
SCULLY: Yeah right.
MULDER: No really see all those people had implants like you.
SCULLY: So what do you care you don’t believe anymore.
MULDER: Well also the victims weren’t part of a cult but some were regular supporters of their local UFO group.
SCULLY: And this means what?
MULDER: Dunno yet, but I think this is an elaborate military scheme to control people, they lead them there for experiments.
SCULLY: Whoa bucko they lead them to their deaths not experiments.. Look Mulder maybe you shouldn’t discount Cassandra’s story here.
MULDER: I can’t believe this, you really finally believe you were abducted. I spent almost three years practically hammering it down your throat and you told me I was nuts it never happened aliens don’t exist and all that mess. Now you finally believe. Hey Scully wake up and smell the coffee hun, there are no such things as aliens you were right all along they were crazy train driving Japanese’s.
Closeing scene -
To Be continued.....
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