In real life at the time I was a shy girl who didn’t have much confidence in her actions. I was the perfect example of a wall flower in every way! I had no way to escape the chains of embarrassment that held me to my state of being. Not till I found the perfect place to learn how I really could be with out the risk of embarrassment.
It was the perfect setting! A place where I was to be me, to be the person I wanted to be, and to be that person with out the strong grasp of embarrassment holding me back! What loosened embarrassment’s hold on me was that these people I would interact with were strangers. They did not know I was shy. They would not be able to TELL I was shy!
They could not see what I looked like nor could they hear my voice of unsureness. The only thing that would allow me to interact with them was the computer. If they made fun of me I could always leave the room never to return again, because I did not need to go there, unlike that of the outside world!
This place was Pubquiz. Pubquiz is a chatroom on MSN where people meet to play such games as Trivia, Scramble, 8-ball and Frenzy. In the chatrooms there were a few people that ran the games. They, also, were granted power over the other chatters. They could spec you, which means you were taken the right of being able to chat within the
room. You were just a mere spectator among the games! It could be quite frustrating to those who teased the hosts, but was a purposeful means to get rid of the scum that often does come onto the Internet to be pests none the less. Therefore the room was Scum-free so to speak and only the good-hearted people were in the room to stay.
When you entered the room you were greeted with your on-line name in parenthesis, which ment that they were giving you a hug. I thought that this was nice, but then I soon discovered the action key. Yes, the adventurous action key that allowed you to actually DO things in the chatroom! I began doing many things in this room. I took the
hugging to greet people to a new height! Every time someone entered the room I would frantically hit the keyboard, typing in Kathy runs and hugs S3kitties or whoever the person may be! The people in the chat began to consider me the greeter for the room! I was
actually being recognized!
I started to crack jokes when we played games along with the rest of them! It was such a joy and feeling of accomplishment to see LOL flow down your screen like a raging river. LOL means that they were laughing! I started to do funny things as well! When a person was announced as the first one to answer a trivia question I would quickly do another action command. It was always, "Kathy waves flag for Archie." or Maverick or any of the other players who seemed to always answer first! They would laugh and ask me what color their flag was that I made for them and so on! I even started an On-line food
fight! Yep, actions, such as "Czerny smears mash potatoes into Kathy’s Hair." carried on even long after the fight was over!
People began to tell me how much they missed me when I was not in the room! I was a wall flower no longer!! The biggest thing that made me realize this is when I was chosen to be Dorothy in Wizard of OZ for Pubquiz’s Annual Theme Trivia! I lit up like a Christmas tree, I was beautiful and adored by all that set their eyes on me, the essence of me!! It was the biggest thing for me then! It made me realize, then that I was in the spotlight that I wanted to be in! I was not embarrassed doing strange things nor was I shy among the people! Being me was not something to be shy about, but rather proud of!
I felt so special in that room when before I felt as though I was a person that could go nowhere with people, for ever doomed to be Ms. Wallflower! It was the people that I interacted with at high school that made me feel this way! I got invited to things, but the main reason was because I was just one more person to fill up an empty space. I never contributed to the group! Too many times I was embarrassed or shy! I think what really did it was the guys in the "group". They took one look at me and only skimmed the surface of
who I really am! They treated me horribly while they treated all the other girls quite well!
The girls, as if brainwashed by the boys knowledge, began to look at me in that sort too! I even began to believe it! To me that is what they saw and that is what I should be, if I were to fit in with them! It made me feel worse, like there was nothing at all about me that was worth sharing, so I shared nothing.
If it wasn’t for my friends, the pubquiz people, to help show me what kind of person I really am, I may have never found out! Though I cannot go to that room anymore due to computer problems I still take away many things from my experiences there! I found that there really are great people on the Internet, not like everyone thinks! Doesn’t it make sense though? There are good people in this room, why not in the pubquiz room? Friends can be easily made if you are just yourself! Most of all, I found that I do have something worth sharing to others! If they don’t think you are good enough with who you are , do not
agree with them, but rather prove to them that you ARE!