by: Delilah
"Zoi-chan, go back to sleep!"
"I said WAKE UP!"
"And I said, go back to SLEEP!"
"But. . .but. . .but. . ."
"Zoisito, if you don't go back to sleep right this moment, I'm going to move in with Nephrite!"
"Oh, all right."
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SCENE 1
This time it was the sound of hoof beats that woke up the sleeping king. Mumbling under his breath, Kunzite tried to muffle out the sound with his pillow but after a few moments even that didn't work. "There had better be a damned good reason for this!" He grumbled as he flung the covers off his bed and stalked his way to the door. He glanced back at the bed and frowned when he noticed that Zoisite had apparently snuck out sometime during the night. Ah, well. He'd track down the smaller man as soon as he dealed with whatever youma had decided to prance about the hall. He flung the door open and froze.
An odd looking human glared at him from the other side.
"Halt! Who goes there?" The man demanded.
"It is I, Kunzite, head king of the witch. . . ah. . . I mean Queen Beryl, from the Dark Kingdom. I am the Head of the Kings, deafeter of the Earth Kingdom, and sovereign of all I can push around!"
"Uh-huh. And let me guess you have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join you in your court of the Kingdom of Dark. You must speak with my lord and master." The guard said rolling his eyes.
Kunzite blinked. "What? First of all, why would I want you're knights and. . . what a minute. Ridden? Like on a horse?"
"Yes!"
"But I don't have a horse."
"Of course not! You're using coconuts!" The guard replied impatiently pointing to a pair of coconuts sitting on a nearby table.
Kunzite blinked in confusion. "What?"
"You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together!" The guard insisted, ignoring Kunzite's incredulous look.
"I haven't even touched those coconuts! Now if you will excuse me, I have to be getting to court to see if I may proceed to Tokyo to scare some of the locals."
If the guard heard him, he gave to clue. "Where'd you get the coconut?"
"I must have found them somewhere, probably in Tokyo." Kunzite replied.
"Found them? In Tokyo? The coconut's tropical!"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, Tokyo is a temperate zone." The guard replied patiently.
"The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plumber may seek warmer climes in winter yet these are not strangers to our land." He said as he clicked into teacher mode.
"Are you suggesting coconuts are migratory?"
"Not at all, they could be carried."
"What -- a swallow carrying a coconut?"
"It could grip it by the husk!" He insisted.
"It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a 1 pound coconut." Argued the guard.
"Well, it doesn't matter. Will you please move so I may tell our master that I am ready to serve!" Finally sick of this entire thing Kunzite tried to push past but the guard blocked his way.
"Listen, in order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings 43 times every second, right?"
"Please!" He begged trying to escape.
"Am I right?"
"I'm not interested! "
From somewhere beyond his door another guard appeared. "It could be carried by an African swallow!" He offered.
"Oh, yeah, an African swallow maybe, but not a European swallow, that's my point."
The second nodded. "Oh, yeah, I agree with that..."
"Will you just move so I can go to court now?!"
Both guards continued to ignore his pleas.
"But then of course African swallows are not migratory."
"Oh, yeah..."
"So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway..."
"Wait a minute -- supposing two swallows carried it together?"
Here Kunzite sighed and wandered back into the room to change.
"No, they'd have to have it on a line."
"Well, simple! They'd just use a standard creeper!"
Now where'd I put my good cape? Ah! There it is!
"What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?"
"Well, why not?"
Disgusted at the two arguing guards, Kunzite disappeared in a burst of purple light.