Kunzite was getting cross.
His shoes were covered in filth, his cape had streaks, and he still couldn't teleport. He didn't even notice the hole until he almost fell into it. Glancing up he saw a castle rising up in the distance. Odd, he didn't recognize it. Looking around he saw a group of youma digging in the mud.
"Old woman!" He called out trying to catch one the attention of one of them.
The creature looked up at him and frowned. "Man!" He shouted back.
"Man, sorry. Who lives in that castle over there?"
"I'm thirty seven." The youma replied.
"What?" Kunzite asked, wondering what he had missed.
"I'm thirty seven -- I'm not old!"
"Well, then I'll just call you `Man'."
"Well, you could call me `Dennis'."
"Well, I didn't know you were called `Dennis.' " Kunzite snapped, these creatures have got to be inbreeding, they weren't this stupid a few generations ago.
"Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?"
Gritting his teeth Kunzite snarled out. "I did say sorry about the `old woman,' but from the behind you looked--"
"What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior!"
"Well, I AM a king..."
The youma rolled his eyes. "Oh king, eh, very nice. An' how'd you get that, eh? By exploitin' the workers -- by 'angin' on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic an' social differences in our society! If there's ever going to be any progress--"
From out of the hole another youma appeared. "Dennis, there's some lovely filth down here," she caught sight of Kunzite and curtsied, "Oh -- how d'you do?"
"Very well. I am Kunzite, Head King of the Dark Kingdom. Who's castle is that?"
Instead of answering the question the female youma blinked and asked "Head King of the what?"
"The Dark Kingdom." Kunzite replied.
"What's the Dark Kingdom?"
"Well, here. We're all part of the Dark Kingdom and I am one of your kings."
"I didn't know we had kings. I thought we were an autonomous collective." She turned back to Dennis, the youma.
Dennis sneered at the woman. "You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes-- "
"Oh there you go, bringing class into it again." She snapped waving her hands about.
"That's what it's all about if only people would-- "
"Please, please! I am in a hurry. Who lives in that castle?" Kunzite interrupted, hoping to get around the argument that was beginning to form.
"No one lives there." The woman replied.
"Then who is your king?" Kunzite snapped. If he could just figure out who's area he was in he could figure out how to get back to Beryl's court.
"We don't have a king."
"WHAT?!!" Kunzite yelled in disbelief.
Dennis sighed. "I told you. We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week."
Kunzite listened very carefully. How could there possibly be a place in the Dark Kingdom where no one was lord over? He wondered. Dennis stopped talking and he looked up. "Yes?" He said, hoping to gain more information.
"But all the decision of that officer have to be ratified at a special biweekly meeting."
"Yes, I see." In truth, Kunzite was completely lost. He had never heard of such a thing happening before.
"By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,--"
He had finally had enough of this youma's babbling. "Be quiet!" He ordered.
"--but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more-- "
"Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!"
The female youma sniffed. "Order, eh -- who does he think he is?" She asked Dennis, completely ignoring Kunzite's presence.
"I am your king!"
"Well, I didn't vote for you." Was the woman's reply.
He sighed in exasperation. "You don't vote for kings."
"Well, 'ow did you become king then?"
A dreamy look came into Kunzite's eyes as he straightened his back. "The Lady of us all, Queen Beryl, her arm clad in the flames of Metallia, held aloft this cape from the heart of the fire signifying by Divine Providence that I, Kunzite, was to wear the cape." The silver haired man snapped back to reality, "That is why I am your king!"
"Listen -- strange women hanging out in fire distributing capes is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical fiery ceremony." Dennis replied.
"Be quiet!" Kunzite hissed dangerously.
"Well you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some fiery tart threw a cape at you!"
"Shut up!"
"I mean, if I went around sayin' I was an emperor just because some flame-broiled bint had lobbed a cape at me they'd put me away!"
"Shut up! Will you shut up!" Kunzite snarled as he brandished one of his trademark purple boomerang thingie with one hand and grabbed Dennis by the collar with the other.
"Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system!" Dennis shouted out joyously.
"Shut up!"
"Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! HELP! HELP! I'm being repressed!" Dennis continued to shout as a group of youma peeked out of the hole.
"Bloody youma!" He grumbled and tossed Dennis to the group.
"Oh, what a give away. Did you here that, did you here that, eh? That's what I'm on about -- did you see him repressing me, you saw it didn't you?"
Kunzite turned and continued on his way. Why is this happening to me?