The Tale of King Kunzite.
"Open the door! Open the door!" Kunzite shouted as he pounded the door a couple more times. "In the name of King Kunzite, open the door!"
The door swung open to reveal a room full of young blonde maidens who stared at him in open lust.
"Hello!" They shouted together.
Kunzite started to back away but one woman came forward and grabbed his arm yanking him into the castle. "Welcome gentle King, welcome to the Castle Anthrax."
"The Castle Anthrax?" Kunzite asked.
"Yes... oh, it's not a very good name is it? Oh! but we are nice and we shall attend to your every, every need!" The woman said, gently caressing his arm.
Kunzite yanked his limb from her grasp. "You are the keepers of the Holy Cape?"
"The what?" She asked as her eyes roamed over his chest.
"The Cape -- it is here?"
"Oh, but you are tired, and you must rest awhile. Midget! Crepper!" She called out.
Two women immediately appeared, flanking the startled king. "Yes, oh Zoot!"
"Prepare a bed for our guest." Zoot ordered.
"Oh thank you thank you thank you--" the two girls gushed.
"Away away vile peasants!" The two girls ran off giggling while Zoot once again latched onto Kunzite's arm. "The beds here are warm and soft - -- and very, very big."
"Well, look, I-I-uh--"
"What is your name, handsome king?"
"King Kunzite... the Invincible."
"Mine is Zoot... just Zoot. Oh, but come!" She started pulling him farther into the strange castle.
"Look, please! In Metallia's name, show me the Cape!"
"Oh, you have suffered much! You are delirious!" Zoot fretted.
"L-look, I have seen it! It is here, in the-- "
"King Kunzite! You would not be so ungallant as to refuse our hospitality."
"Well, I-I-uh--"
Zoot shoved him down onto a nearby bed and began to rummage around until she found a bottle. "Oh, I am afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet compared to yours. We are but eight score young blondes and brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen and a half, cut off in this castle with no one to protect us! Oh, it is a lonely life -- bathing, dressing, undressing, making exciting underwear.... We are just not used to handsome kings. Nay, nay, come, come, you may lie here. Oh, but you are wounded!" She gasped as she stared down at his pant leg.
"No, no -- i-it's nothing!" Kunzite insisted trying to sit back up.
"Oh, but you must see the doctors immediately! No, no, please, lie down." She shoved the struggling king back onto the bed and clapped her hands.
Two young women appeared. "Ah. What seems to be the trouble?"
"They're doctors?!" Kunzite shouted incredulously.
"Uh, they've had a basic medical training, yes." Zoot assured him.
"B-but--"
"Oh, come come, you must try to rest! Doctor Piglet, Doctor Winston, practice your art." Zoot ordered.
"Try to relax." Piglet said as she yanked Kunzite's jacket off.
"Are you sure that's necessary?" Kunzite asked as he grabbed for the fleeing piece of cloth.
"We must examine you." Piglet said and started to pull Kunzite's pants off.
Kunzite yelped and immediately pulled his pants back on. "There's nothing wrong with that!"
"Please -- we are doctors." Was the patient reply as the women once again reached for his pants.
"Get off the bed! I have a lover!" Kunzite yelled as he rolled off the large mattress and crouched in a nearby corner.
"Back to your bed!" Piglet ordered.
"Torment me no longer! I have seen the Cape!" Kunzite shouted, a strange look coming into his eyes.
Piglet cocked her head. "There's no cape here."
"I have seen it, I have seen it. I have seen--" Kunzite chanted as he shoved past the two women and into the hall. A wave of women turned and stared at him.
"Hello."
"Oh--" Kunzite started to back up as the tsunami slowly converged on him. A hand on his butt caused him to whirl around. "Zoot!"
"No, I am Zoot's identical twin sister, Dingo." The woman replied.
"Oh, well, I--"
"Where are you going?" Dingo asked.
"I seek the Cape! I have seen it, here in this castle!"
"No! Oh, no! Bad, bad Zoot!"
"What is it?" Kunzite asked, a tinge of hysteria seeping into his voice.
"Oh, wicked, bad, naughty Zoot! She has been running around in our bedsheets, which, I just remembered, are cape-shaped. It's not the first time we've had this problem." Dingo explained.
"It's not the real Cape?"
"Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil Zoot! Oh, she is a naughty person, and she must pay the penalty -- and here in Castle Anthrax, we have but one punishment for running around in the cape-shaped sheets. You must tie her down on a bed and spank her! You must spank her well. And after you have spanked her, you may deal with her as you like. And then, spank me."
Kunzite was immediately surrounded by hordes of girls all hopping up and down and shouting, "And spank me! And me! And me!"
"Yes, yes, you must give us all a good spanking!" Dingo replied excitedly.
Kunzite soon fell under the spell of the hoping list members, ah, women. "Well, I could stay a BIT longer. . ."
Suddenly an auburn haired man appeared. "Kunzite!"
Kunzite blinked and stared at Nephlyte. "Oh, hello."
"Quick!" Nephlyte shouted as he grabbed the king and started shoving his way through the crowd.
"What?"
"Quick!" Nephlyte repeated.
Kunzite now had a goofy grin spreading across his face. "Why?"
"We're in great peril!"
Suddenly Zoot, or Dingo, they couldn't be sure which, appeared in their way. "Oh, please kind sirs, don't leave us all alone!" She pleaded.
Nephlyte paled slightly before shouting, "Silence, foul temptress!"
"Now look, it's not important." Kunzite said as he reached for the woman.
"Quick! Come on!"
"Look, I'm fine!" Kuinzite insisted.
"No, you're not!"
"Now look, I can tackle this lot single-handed!" To prove his words, Kunzite started walking towards the swaying mass of woman.
"Yes! Let him tackle us single-handed!" A woman shouted.
"Yes! Tackle us single-handed!" Was the rousing response.
"No, Kunzite, come on!" Nephlyte grabbed the dazed king by his cape and started dragging him to the door.
"No, really, honestly, I can go back and handle this lot easily!"
Zoot/Dingo smiled sensually. "Oh, yes, let him handle us easily!"
Nephlyte snarled in annoyance and tried to shove the larger man through the door. Kunzite kept stalling, however. "Wait! I can defeat them! There's only a hundred and fifty of them!"
"Yes, yes, he'll beat us easily, we haven't a chance." The women called.
Nephlyte finally managed to shove the unresponsive man through the door and fled. The sound of water reached his ears and he dragged Kunzite towards it.
"We were in the nick of time, we were both in great peril." He said as walked.
"I don't think I was." Kunzite grumbled.
"Yes you were, you were in terrible peril." Nephlyte insisted.
"Look, let me go back in there and face the peril." Kunzite said trying to pull away from Nephlyte's hold.
"No, it's too perilous."
"Look, I'll take on as much peril as I can."
"No, we've got to find the Holy Cape. Come on!"
"Well, let me have just a little bit of peril?" Kunzite asked.
"No, it's unhealthy."
"Bet you're gay!" Kunzite snapped at him.
Nephlyte gave him an odd look. "No, I'm not. Besides, do you have any idea as to what Zoisite would do to you if he caught you in there?"
Kunzite smiled. "He'd be too busy. . ."
At this point Nephlyte shoved the giggling king into the icy waterfall.
NARRATOR:
Nephlyte had been the prisoner of the temptresses for the last day but fortunately had been too drunk to do anything embarrassing. Kunzite's voice had sobered him immediately and they had both managed to escape, but they were still no nearer the Cape. Meanwhile, Zoisite, not more than a swallow's flight away, had discovered something important to do, namely washing his hair with a new kind of soap. Oh, that's an unladen swallow's flight, obviously. I mean, they were more than two laden swallow's flights away -- four, really, if they hadn't a cord of line between them. I mean, if the birds were walking and dragging--
Readers: Get on with it!
NARRATOR:
Oh, anyway, on to scene twelve, which is a smashing scene with some lovely acting, in which Kunzite discovers a vital clue, in which there aren't any swallows, although I think you can hear a starling -oolp!
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SCENE 12
The old man couldn't stop laughing.
"And this enchanter of whom you speak, he has seen the cape?" Kunzite asked.
"Ha ha he he he he!"
"Where does he live? Old man, where does he live?" Kunzite shouted, finally snapping.
"He knows of a cave, a cave which no man has entered." The old man said.
"And the Cape... The Cape is there?"
"Very much danger, for beyond the cave lies the Gorge of Eternal Peril, which no man has ever crossed." The old man rambled on.
"But the Cape! Where is the Cape!?"
The old man thought for a moment before answering. "Seek you the Bridge of Death."
"The Bridge of Death, which leads to the Cape?"
"Hee hee ha ha!"
There was a loud crack and the laughing stopped.
Okay people, after that I'm sure you have something to say! I refuse to post the next chapters of the story until I get comments from five different people. Come on, I know you're all out there! It's the Knights of Nee part next! And I'm sure all of you Jadeite lovers are just WAITING to see how he shows up! And what of the killer bunny? How will the kings ever get around him? Just five comments sent to me will get you all of this and more (read: there will be some Endymion bashing a little later too)!
Oh, yeah. I know I use mostly Japanese names but I did use Greg and Nephlyte. Sorry, it just sort of slipped out and I was too lazy to go back and fix it.