April
April 23, 1999
Well I haven't rambled in quite a while so I thought I would. (well someone also asked me about them and that was a persuasion to do them again) I reall don't have much to ramble about though.
Well lets do this then triominoes, which I played today is sort of like life. One person always seems to be better than everyone else at a game and can point out an answer or where to put something. This is true to life as well. But another sad part that carries over is that you often can't answer the tough questions when it's important. This really blows as you need the important answers to the important questions. But i've come to realize there might not be answers to the important questions and you just have to do the best you can at answering them. That's my half assed ramble. Also I just thought I'd add
I feel the need right now to be killed in a slow and painful manner. so if any one would care to do that my icq is 12777194. Note: this offer only applies for the rest of today.
April 26, 1999
Well apparently I am being depressed again. At least that's what gordo tells me. And I can't see what's dragging me down this time. Other than the usuall things. The loneliness, the emptiness, the heartache. Ah yes the heartache that's always a big one. But soon I shall pass out of this phase and it will be on to another fleeting moment of happiness. Maybe one day I'll be able to be truly happy. But until then I'll just try and keep smiling. Also I'd like to make this a thanks to all those who have tried to make me feel better. The effort is greatly appreciated (even if the desired results are not always acheived)
SO THANKS PEOPLE!!! well that's enough ramble for now. Until we meet again.
April 29, 1999
Did you know that I felt the need to babble right now? Well I freaking do. today was probably one of the worst days of my life. I feel like shit, I think and I have nothing to look forward to no hope for the future. I sit here and just know that I'm useless. I am a worthless stupid piece of shit. I offer nothing to the world but a weak mind and a weak back. I offer nothing. Gid I just feel so horrible I think I'm sick, I have a giant lack of sleep, I just feel bad. So again I extend the offer of killing me in a slow and painful manner to anyone who wants to do so. This offer again only extends till the end of today. Please come and help me out with this problem. Another thing I read something that would make my heart be very happy if it were addresed to me. I hope that it is. but in my mind I can not truly even find a glimmer of a chance that it's to me not even a small small atomic particle of a chance. and that lack of a chance makes today suck even more. and now I think I will go take a shower and maybe after that play with my knife a little and see if I can work up the courage to cut myself.
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