ME RAMBLE NOW!!
This is my ramble page. This will be a collection of me just rambling about whatever I feel like rambling about. It's sorted by month. with the latest ramble on this page. Have fun
reading it will take you a while to get through all of them.
July 3, 2000
Ok so technichally it's the 3rd right, but it's still the second for me because I haven't slept yet and stuff. so today's today, I haven't rambled in quite a while and I thought that today would be a good day to do it again. I know I know that was a foolish thought, because now I have to do all this work and stuff. Anyways I'm pretty excited, because i'm going to my first real concert tomorrow. the vans warped tour 2000 in nampa Idaho!!! woohoo and stuff. it should be pretty cool. I'm really looking forward to seeing nofx and mxpx and the donnas go donnas and stuff. It should be really cool. but on the lame side I have to get up kinda early to go and what not so yeah. I'm not going to have much sleep tonight since it's already 2 in the morning. What else is new? well a whole whole lot of stuff is new but I can't talk about much of it. since it's personal and I'm all messed up and stuff. Um... I cut a chunk off my finger the other day. it hurt like the dickens it did. but it's all good now. well not all good but it's healing and stuff and it doesn't bleed a shitload when I change the bandage and stuff. so what's up with you people in the world out there? I could ask you to e-mail me and tell me, but I won't because I know none of you will do it anyway. why must you people read these anyway? they're all weird and kinda boring....well ok not boring I guess but they are all weird. I know of exactly 3 people that have told me that they've read these ramble type things. so yeah.... it's all good I suppose. at least you can kinda get to know the "real me" or something seeing as how I ramble like this to myself in my head all the time. althought usually the ones in my head are more depressing and stuff because I talk to myself about different stuff. So recently I've been bummed out about relationships. I want a girlfriend and stuff. It's weird because I'm all horny and whatnot and I've got this big old libido and stuff and nowhere to put it!! like today I must have whacked off like 5 or 6 times which is much greater than my usual 1 or 2. so yeah.... and anyways don't get all freaked out. I do want more to a relationship than just sex. I want all the cuddles and talking and sharing yourself with someone else stuff too. but yeah so far girls have either been uninterested or abusive and yeah. like the last girl I liked I don't really think she meant to be like she was. but still she was. she told me stuff about how much she liked me, how she wanted me to kiss her. how I was all cute and fun to be with. and then a day later asks another guy out. And she told me that she just changed her mind and she might change it again and yeah. I almost laughed out loud when she said that, luckily we were on the phone and she couldn't see my smile. what a crock ya know. I don't know if it was just an attempt to get me to stick around or what, but it really frustrated me and whatnot. why would she say something like that but to give me more pain you know?? am I supposed to wait for her? HA! I'm still her friend and whatnot because she is a really sweet and nice girl and fun to hang out with. but I think that's gonna end real soon too, because she doesn't ever want to talk to me or do anything with me and she's pretty much just ignoring me so yeah..... it's all good though I suppose even though it hurts and stuff. she said she liked me, from what I saw she played with me decided I was wrong and broke her toy. although she wasn't quite that harsh about it and stuff. It's not like I hate her or anything, I'm just really cynical and kinda mad and frustrated at/with her for how she treated/treats me. And yeah, she really is a nice and sweet girl and stuff. She's just...sorta....odd. anyway yeah. I don't seem to pick girls that like me and stuff. If you're out there let me know!! I have this problem with falling in love really quickly. It sucks kinda but it's good too. I write all these poems and stuff and it's weird that girls don't actually like me. see I have this theory about girls. first of all they suck and secondly a lot of them are as shallow as men are supposed to be. (damn societal roles and stuff) see girls like to look at the hott guys and the big dicks. it's not at all about the person on first impression. they don't look at a guy they've never seen before and say "awww he's such a sweet nice guy" they say, he's hott or he's ugly as a hairy ass. they're all about the hottness of guys and their dicks just as much as guys are about the hottness of girls and their tits. Girls like poems and flowers and romance, but they like hott guys even more. see they want all the poems and flowers but they want them from the "hott, but treats girls like shit guy" not the "sweet, nice, but somewhat geeky and unattractive guy" it's like the age old struggle for brains and beauty and whatnot. I also have this theory that girls catogorize men as soon as they see them as either date-able or not as soon as they see a guy. and if you go into the not category then there is no way to get into the date-able section. Girls are weird. I'm not saying guys aren't without their faults too. but I'm a guy so it's easier for me to bitch about women :) Anyways I might be done rambling I'm not really sure. It's weird because I'm not done now!! Anyway parents are more perceptive than any child would like to believe. sometimes I think they know more about me than even I do.... well at least my mom seems that why. like things you try to hide from you parents. most of them know a long long time before you tell them and are just waiting for you to fess up. it's some weird game and stuff. I don't know. Like today I swear my mom knows about stuff that she shouldn't really know about because of my finger thing I showed her and she asked what happened and I said "I cut myself" oh and she freaked me out and gave me the weirdest look. and I was really freaked out for a second and yeah. my whole secret hierarchy almost collapsed there or something. and yeah, so I think she might know already. parents are strange and somehow much more knowledgeable than they appear. so this one time at band camp..... mwa ha ha. anyways what's up? I'm kinda sick and dependent on other people. I need a job. I got my hair cut today so it's all short and dandy woohoo and junk. so anyways I'm confused right now because I don't know what to talk about. oh the other day a girl I know. you know who you are. she promised me that someday would come as long as I didn't kill myself. she's fun, and makes me feel better and stuff. so thanks dear. and happy 6 and stuff. and why did you tell me you miss me as your first message to me today? was that fo the big Zman?? anyways yeah. today I scanned some of my doodles from my journals to put on my webpage. some of them are fun and some are sad and yeah....they're just my weird little doodles. and I should have them up on the page sometime soon. so watch for those. well they'll be up soon unless I get totally lazy and stuff. ok here's another thing to talk about. I showed some of these doodles to bran today and she said "aaaaaaawwwwwwwwwww :(" and that in one of them where a guy was saying "I'm dying without you dearest" that he looked really sad. And I couldn't help but being cynical and sarcastic and stuff and saying "hmmm, I wonder why that is" when I really wanted to say, duh, I was completely depressed and sad and heartbroken and dying without her. but yeah, twas a sucky time for me...college pretty much was, I was so depressed the whole time pretty much. it was icky. but I'm doing mostly better now. anyway duh he looks sad. it's my drawing of me and I was sooooo sad. anyway most of the doodles after that are just weird and not really that sad and stuff and there's this one that looks pretty cool but it has words over it and stuff. but yeah you'll know eventually if you come back to look at my doodles. and stuff. so anyway I'm gonna preview this now and see if it's long enough and if it is then I'm gonna check and make sure the link to it works and then update the page history and then go to bed. but first I'm gonna say BAH to you little girl I happen to like the frames and they're not gonna go away unless there's a good reason for them to!! and there isn't so there gonna stay, SO THERE!! GO EAT BACON!!! :) anyway gonna check the length now. fruckity truck that's good I spose. anyway bye bye for now. I love all of you, hurt by the cold. so sad and lonely too, when you don't know yourself. I DON'T OWE YOU ANYTHING, I DON'T OWE YOU ANYTHING, I DON'T OWE YOU ANYTHING, I DON'T OWE YOU ANYTHING!! that last part was thanks to weird all. because those songs don't go together normally. anyway bye bye and I love you guys and stuff. thanks for being there for me.