DAMSEL IN THE ROUGH at Barnes & Nobles Also at Amazon.com

The era is Ancient Greece during the start of the Roman Empire. Amazon warriors travel in secret tribes, not always getting alone with each other. The world is a deadly, changing place afflicted by the superior technology of gods. Damsel in the Rough is Tasha Malone Fidelli, a resourceful co-ed and unwitting time-traveler from Brooklyn, New York. Excellent Sci-fi, active, packed with valid survival techniques, unique questions about prehistory events, and mostly adventure with rampant humor mixed in the lore of mythological fancy. SAMPLE TEXT: This is Chapter 4 split into small pages, no frames, and much kinder to WEBTV browsers. _____

ARE YOU A PROFESSIONAL?

This quiz consists of four questions that tell you whether or not you are qualified to be a professional. SCROLL DOWN FOR THE ANSWERS. There is no need to cheat. The questions are not that difficult. You just need to think like a professional.

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. This question tests whether or not you are doing simple things in a complicated way.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

Incorrect answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the door.

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator remove the giraffe and put in the elephant and close the door. This question tests your foresight.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?

Correct answer: The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator! This tests if you are capable of comprehensive thinking.

OK, if you did not have the last three questions correctly, this one may be your last chance to test your qualifications to be a professional.

4. There is a river filled with crocodiles. How do you cross it?

Correct answer: Simply swim through it. All the crocodiles are attending the animal meeting! This question tests your reasoning ability.

So....

If you answered four out of four questions correctly, you are a true professional. Wealth and success await you.

If you answered three out of four, you have some catching up to do but there's hope for you.

If you answered two out of four, consider a career as a hamburger flipper in a fast food joint.

If you answered one out of four, try selling some of your organs. It's the only way you will ever make any money.

If you answered none correctly, consider a career that does not require any higher mental functions at all, such as politics.

JUGGLER and the COP

The car was pulled over by a highway patrolwoman for speeding.

As the officer was writing the ticket, she noticed several machetes in the car. "What are those for?" she asked suspiciously.

"I'm a juggler," the man replied. "I use those in my act." "Well, show me," the officer demanded.

The juggler took out the machetes and started juggling them; first three, then more until he was tossing seven at one time, overhand, underhand, behind the back, putting on a dazzling show in the breakdown lane and amazing the officer.

Just then, another car passed by. The driver did a double take, and said, "My God. I've got to give up drinking! Look at the test they're giving now."

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How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, its a hardware problem.

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WHAT SIZE?

A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms. The clerk says, "What size?"

The guy says, "Gee, I don't know." The clerk says, "Go see Sophie in aisle 4."

He goes over to see Sophie, who grabs him by the crotch and yells, "MEDIUM!"

The guy is mortified. He hurries over to pay and get out of the store.

Another guy comes in to buy condoms. The clerk asks the size and again sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4.

Sophie grabs him and yells, "LARGE!"

The guy struts over to the register, pays, and leaves.

A high school kid comes in to buy condoms. The clerk says, "What size?"

The kid embarrassedly says, "I've never done this before. I don't know what size." The clerk sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4.

Sophie grabs him and yells, "CLEAN-UP ON AISLE 4"!

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