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The era is Ancient Greece during the start of the Roman Empire. Amazon warriors travel in secret tribes, not always getting alone with each other. The world is a deadly, changing place afflicted by the superior technology of gods. Damsel in the Rough is Tasha Malone Fidelli, a resourceful co-ed and unwitting time-traveler from Brooklyn, New York. Excellent Sci-fi, active, packed with valid survival techniques, unique questions about prehistory events, and mostly adventure with rampant humor mixed in the lore of mythological fancy.
SAMPLE TEXT: This is Chapter 4 split into small pages, no frames, and much kinder to WEBTV browsers.
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JOKES:

RULES OF CHOCOLATE

If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.
Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
The problem: How to get two pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite, and you'll eat less.
If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?
Money talks. Chocolate sings. Beautifully.
Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. Therefore, you need to eat more chocolate.
Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.
A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Now, isn't that handy?
If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate... what's wrong with you?
If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can't let that happen, can you?

TEXAS GROOM

A Texan and his bride ask the hotel desk clerk for a room, telling him they just got married that morning.

"Congratulations!" says the clerk. "Would you like the bridal then?"

"Naw, thanks," says the cowboy. "I reckon I'll just hold her by the ears 'til she gets the hang of it.

HILLARY'S FORTUNE:

During a recent publicity outing, Hillary took off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news.

"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question.

"Will I be acquitted?"

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FIVE SURGEONS

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable."

MEDITATION FOR THE STRESSED OUT

Picture yourself near a stream.
Birds are softly chirping in the crisp cool mountain air. Pine trees air their cleansing fragrance.
Nothing can bother you here. No one knows this secret place.
You are in total seclusion from that place called "the world." It's okay to be you.
The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. You are standing in the middle of a freshwater pond.
The water is clear. The ripples of slight waves allow you to see sand bunching beside your cooled bare feet. Little fishies waggle their tails passing you by.
And now, you can easily make out the face of the person whose head you're holding under the water. This person is bound with hands to ankle shackles.
Look. It's the person who caused you all this stress in the first place.
What a pleasant surprise. You let them up... just for a quick breath... then ploop!...back under they go...
You allow yourself as many deep breaths as you want. Take as much time as you wish. This is your world.
There now... feeling better?

CAREERS THAT SLIPPED AWAY

"I used to work in an orange juice factory, until I got canned."
"I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it."
"I used to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it."
"I used to work in a muffler factory until I got exhausted."
"I used to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it."
"I used to be a deli-worker, but I couldn't cut the mustard."
"I used to be a musician, but I wasn't noteworthy."
"I used to be a drummer, but my heart missed the beat." "I used to be a math teacher, but I had too many problems."