![]() I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. ![]() JUST ONE LINERS * Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot. * Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control. * We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart? * Time is what keeps everything from happening at once. * I get enough exercise just pushing my luck. * All men are idiots, and I married their King. * Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition. * Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs. * Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW. * Time is the best teacher, unfortunately it kills all of its students. * Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill. * Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have. * Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear. * We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things got worse. * Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes. * Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. * Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. * There's no future in time travel. * Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. * Dyslexics of the world, untie! * I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. * How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? * Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. * Money can't buy happiness...But it sure makes misery easier to live with. * Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before. * Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they're OK, you're it. * Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check. * If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book. * The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was. *The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. * Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid, too. * A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and make you feel happy to be on your way. * Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them. * Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. * Familiarity breeds children. * Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs. * First things first! But not necessarily in that order. * Five out of four people have trouble with fractions. * Fools rush in--and get all the best seats. * For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility gap. * Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. * Get the facts first. You can distort them later. * Give me ambiguity or give me something else. * Got a new car for my wife--great trade! * I'm a corporate executive -- I keep things from happening. * Atheism is a non-prophet organization. * On the other hand, you have different fingers. * Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put it in Reverse? * I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. * Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it. * Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. * I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. * You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. * Honk if you love peace and quiet. * Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular? * Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool. * A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. * People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. * Trust in God, but lock your car. * Given a conflict, Murphy's law supercedes Newton's. * Procrastination means never having to say you're sorry. * A friend in need is a pest indeed. * Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce. * Work is a fine thing if it doesn't take too much of your spare time. * Murphy was an optimist. * Hard work never killed anybody...but why take chances? * When everything comes your way, you're in the wrong lane. * Life is cheap. It's the accessories that kill you. * Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world laughs louder. * If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. * When all else fails, follow instructions. * Murphy's Law only fails when you try to demonstrate it. * Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking * If an experiment works, something has gone wrong. * Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. * No job is so simple that it can't be done wrong. * You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever. * There are two times I feel stress--day and night. * Avoid reality at all costs. * Hellrung's Law: If you wait, it will go away. * Most people deserve each other. * Get the facts first, THEN panic! * Reality can be beaten with enough imagination. * After all is said and done, usually more is said. * Anything that kills you makes you...well, dead. * A man who smiles when things go wrong knows who to blame. * People who live in glass houses...shouldn't. * Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand. * Never hit a man when he's down. He may get back up again. * Money talks...but all mine ever says is good-bye. * After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat. * Relax. Only dread one day at a time. * Beware the fury of a patient woman. * Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune time. * For every problem there is a simple solution, and it's always wrong. ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() This beautiful background set is from Bimsan Web Graphics ![]() ![]() [Home] [East] [West] [South] [The Land Beyond Time] [e-mail] [Guestbook] |