The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits

DEFINITIONS

ACTOR - A man who tries to be everything but himself.

ADULT - A person who has stopped growing at both ends and started growing in the middle

ADVICE - The one thing which is "More blessed to give than receive."

AVERAGE MAN - One who thinks he isn't.

BANK - An institution where you can borrow money if you can present sufficient evidence to show that you don't need it.

BEAUTY PARLOUR - A place where some women go to dye.

BIGAMIST - One who makes the same mistake twice.

BORE - One who insists upon talking about himself when you want to talk about yourself.

BRIDGE - A card game in which a good deal depends on a good deal.

BROADWAY - A place where people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't need to impress people they don't like.

BUDGET - A method of worrying before you spend instead of afterward.

CANNIBAL - Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS - The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

CHILDISH GAME - One at which someone beats you.

CIVILIZATION - A process of creating more needs than means to supply.

COMMITTEE - A body that keeps minutes and wastes hour.

CONSERVATIVE - A man who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.

CREDITOR - A man who has better money than a debtor.

CRIMINAL - One who gets caught.

COURTSHIP - The period during which the girl decides whether or not she can do any better.

CRITIC - A wet blanket that soaks everything it touches.

DIAMOND - A woman's idea of a stepping stone to success.

DUST - Mud with the juice squeezed out.

ECONOMY - Denying ourselves a necessity today in order to buy a luxury tomorrow.

EGOTIST - A man who tells you those things about himself which you intended to tell him about yourself.

EGOTIST - Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

GOSSIP - A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

INFLATION - Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MYTH - A female moth.

MOSQUITO - An insect that makes flies look good after all.

WRINKLES - Something other people have. You have character lines.

SECRET - Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON - A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE - The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW - One of today's greatest labour saving devices.

YAWN - An honest opinion openly expressed.

QUOTES FROM STAFF PERFORMANCE EVALUATIONS
Supposed to be true

"Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."

"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."

"I would not allow this employee to breed."

This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be."

"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

"When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there."

"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."

"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

"She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

"This employee should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better."

"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

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