So far today, God, I've done all right
I haven't gossiped, haven't lost my temper, haven't been greedy,
or grumpy, nasty or self-centered.
I am really glad about that.

But, in a few minutes, God,
I'm going to get out of bed and then
I am going to need a lot of help.

Amen

LORD HELP ME.........

Lord help me to relax about insignificant details
beginning tomorrow at 7:41:23 AM PST.

Lord help me to consider people's feelings,
even if most of them ARE hypersensitive.

Lord help me to take responsibility for my own actions,
even though they're usually NOT my fault.

Lord, help me to not try to RUN everything.
But, if You need some help, please feel free to ASK me!

Lord, help me to be more laid back,
and help me to do it EXACTLY right.

Lord help me to take things more seriously,
especially laughter, parties, and dancing.

Lord give me patience,
and I mean right NOW!

Lord help me not be a perfectionist.
(Did I spell that correctly?)

Lord, help me to finish everything I sta

Lord, help me to keep my mind on
one Th -- Look, a bird -- ing at a time.

Lord help me to do only what I can, and trust you for the rest.
And would you mind putting that in writing?

Lord keep me open to others' ideas,
WRONG though they may be.

Lord help me be less independent,
but let me do it my way.

Lord help me follow established procedures today.
On second thought, I'll settle for a few minutes.

Lord, help me slow down
andnotrushthroughwhatIdo.

AND FOR MY THIRD WISH ..

A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray and said, "And what will your third wish be?"

The man looked at the genie and said, "Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet?"

"You have had two wishes already," the genie said, "but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You have one wish left."

"Okay," said the man, "I don't believe this, but what the heck. I wish I were irresistible to women."

"Funny," said the genie as it granted his wish and disappeared forever. "That was your first wish too."

LOOK! THERE HE IS NOW!

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom." He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.

Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty." The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.

"But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door."

The jury foreman replied: "Oh, we did look, but your client didn't."

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