Get your own Free Home PageThere's been a lot of controversy about IQ tests lately. People doubt the validity of them. In order to help clear things up, or at least confuse the issue even more, my team of brains has developed the SQ test, or Stupidity Quotient:
The Stupidity Quotient, by Ernie McCracken
Add 10 points for every hour of TV you watch per day.
Subtract 5 points if you use the MUTE button during commercials.
Subtract 20 points of you keep your MUTE button on all the time.
Subtract 30 points if you watch less than one hour of TV per month.
Subtract 50 points if you never watch TV.
Add 10 points for every sport you "follow".
Add 10 points if you've ever been treated for panic attacks.
Add 10 points if you believe medication can cure mental conditions.
Add 50 points if you believe medication can cure addiction.
Add 10 points if you look at anything other than the road while driving.
Add 20 points if you talk on a cell phone while driving.
Add 50 points if you drive while intoxicated.
Add 20 points if you're making yourself deaf with Surround Sound.
Add 50 points if the Surround Sound is in your vehicle.
Add 10 points if your occupation is making you deaf.
Add 30 points if your occupation involves working with guns, radiation, or
toxic chemicals.
Add 10 points if you don't use your turn signal when you change lanes.
Add 20 points if you never use your turn signal.
Subtract 50 points if you never drive.
Add 50 points if you believe Bronze Age desert nomads had more scientific
acumen than Charles Darwin.
Add 10 points if you're married.
Add 10 more points if you've been married more than once.
Add 30 more points if you've been married more than twice.
Add 20 points if you have an eating disorder of any kind.
Subtract 20 points if you use a computer on a regular basis. Subtract 10
more if you enjoy it.
Add 10 points if all you do with the computer is play games, go to sex
links, and/or chat.
Subtract 20 points if you do research. Subtract an additional 50 points if
you research physics, anthropology, linguistics or any discipline of
equivalent complexity.
Add 10 points if your research involves chasing tornadoes, grabbing venomous
snakes by the tail, or cavorting with sharks.
Subtract five points if you do so on TV for an enormous fee.
Add 10 points if you research genealogy (unless you get well-paid for the effort).
Subtract 10 points if you are willing and able to entertain a concept.
Subtract 20 points if you are willing and able to consider metaphysics.
Add 30 points if you have an addiction of any sort.
Add 50 points if you smoke crack.
Add 100 points if you are pregnant or have a liver disease and still take drugs.
Add 5 points if you like to gamble.
Add 15 points if you believe gambling is a sin.
Add 20 points if you go to casinos on a regular basis.
Add 30 points if you have sex without protection.
Subtract 10 points if you look both ways before you cross the street.
Add 30 points if you don't.
Add 100 points if you do look but still walk right in front of oncoming traffic.
Add 5 points if you work in the medical profession in any capacity.
Add 5 points for every time you've been incarcerated.
Add 30 points if you've ever been to prison.
Add 20 points if your profession involves getting shot at on a regular basis.
Add 20 points if your hobby is skydiving, bunjee-jumping, or drag-racing.
Subtract 10 points if you can read and write. Add 20 points if you can but don't.
Subtract 20 points if you can and do read at a college level.
Add 5 points if all youread at that level is professional journals.
Subtract 20 points if you read National Geographic.
Add 10 points if you read any magazine other than National Geographic.
Add 10 points if you read newspapers.
Subtract 5 points if all you read in them isthe comics.
Add 40 points if you remain in an abusive relationship or get involved in a series of them.
Subtract 10 points if you watch children's shows or movies.
Add 5 points if you can't do the math to grade yourself on this quiz.
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