April 14, 1997



Goodbye. Have a nice day. I don't know what I'm trying to say if I am in fact trying to say anything. I just know that I'm really tired and Vergil tells me that he'll repay me piled high in blood and I know that I've said that before, but did Vergil ever really say it? And I'm listening to The Cure, but that is nothing new and I really like Sharpies and I tell myself I should study, but, as usual, I don't listen to myself. "I want to change it all..." Robert tell me...and is he really fat, and does that even matter? My hand says NNY, and so does my arm for that matter, but they're written in different ink and I found out that to get rid of the gunk between between my keyboard keys, all I need is a Q-Tip and some rubbing alcohol. I think that's what he said. But the gunk isn't the gunky stuff in people's eyes... what is that stuff called again? And isn't it funny how puns show up in the likeliest of places. And I want to change, I really do, but it's so hard and I keep lapsing into old patterns. And you my dear, your presence does not threaten me and I don't think of all the things I'm not when I'm around you. It's true I feel imperfect besides your perfection, my pet, but I don't feel like there is something wrong with me. Does that make sense? It does somewhere in my mind, twisted and psychotic as it is, but what about yours? And I don't talk to MYSELF, I talk to the voice inside my pretty little head. Maybe you wonder what goes on inside my head...well...now you know. Do you have to have voices in your head to be insane, or is only one voice enough? "You're not insane." She tells me. And now I think of my...hmm...what is she to me? She's so precious to me, I'm afraid she'll pop, like a little rainbow coloured soap bubble, but anyway, I have decided I will end this as she might since I began it as she would...
Hello.