April 14, 1997
Goodbye. Have a nice day. I don't know what I'm trying to say
if I am in fact trying to say anything. I just know
that I'm really tired and Vergil tells me that he'll repay me piled high
in blood and I know that I've said that before, but did Vergil ever
really say it? And I'm listening to The Cure, but that is nothing new
and I really like Sharpies and I tell myself I should study, but, as
usual, I don't listen to myself. "I want to change it all..." Robert
tell me...and is he really fat, and does that even matter? My hand
says NNY, and so does my arm for that matter, but they're written in
different ink and I found out that to get rid of the gunk between between
my keyboard keys, all I need is a Q-Tip and some rubbing alcohol. I think
that's what he said. But the gunk isn't the gunky stuff in people's eyes...
what is that stuff called again? And isn't it funny how puns show up
in the likeliest of places. And I want to change, I really do, but it's
so hard and I keep lapsing into old patterns. And you my dear, your presence
does not threaten me and I don't think of all the things I'm not when
I'm around you. It's true I feel imperfect besides your perfection,
my pet, but I don't feel like there is something wrong with me. Does that
make sense? It does somewhere in my mind, twisted and
psychotic as it is, but what about yours? And I don't talk to
MYSELF, I talk to the voice inside my pretty little head. Maybe
you wonder what goes on inside my head...well...now you know. Do you
have to have voices in your head to be insane, or is only one voice enough?
"You're not insane." She tells me. And now I think of my...hmm...what is
she to me? She's so precious to me, I'm afraid she'll pop, like a little
rainbow coloured soap bubble, but anyway, I have decided I will end this
as she might since I began it as she would...
Hello.