THE REST –    January 16
  

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

A Knock Knock Joke !

A man answered his front door to find a giant cockroach standing there.   The roach punched the man in the stomach and left. The next night the man heard something at the door and when he went to see what it was he encountered the giant cockroach again. The roach smacked the man in
the face and left.

The following night the man had almost fallen asleep watching TV when he heard something at the door. When he opened the door he found himself looking at the giant cockroach again. This time it kicked him in the shin and left.

Feeling certain that he must be loosing his mind, the man called his doctor. The man related the recent events and added, "I don't know what's happening to me, I must be hallucinating or something."

The doctor said, "It's nothing to worry about. You'll be fine in a day or two. There's a nasty bug going around."   

From: Kasha Linka

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PONDER THESE THOUGHTS

1. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

2. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themselves, is
it considered a hostage situation?

3. Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow? Only to become troubled and insecure?

4. Is there another word for synonym?

5. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

6. When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs?

7. When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

8. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

9. Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

10. Why do they report power outages on TV?

11. What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

12. Is it possible to be totally partial?

13. What's another word for thesaurus?

14. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

15. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

16. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

17. Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

18. If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?

19. If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

20. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

21. When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

22. Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

23. If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

24. Why is the word abbreviation so long?

25. When companies ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

26. If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

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Harvey's grandfather clock suddenly stops working right one day, so he loads it into his van and takes it to a clock repair shop.  In the shop is a little old man who insists he is Swiss, and has a heavy
German accent.  He asks Harvey, "Vat sims to be ze problem?"

Harvey says, "I'm not sure, but it doesn't go  'tick-tock-tick-tock' anymore.   Now it just goes 'tick...tick...tick.'"
        
The old man says, "Mmm-Hm!" and steps behind the counter, where he rummages around a bit.  He emerges with a huge flashlight and walks over the grandfather clock.  He turns the flashlight on, and shines it directly into the clocks face.   Then he says in a menacing voice, "Ve haf vays of making you tock!" 

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A young boy was leaving church one Sunday when he put a few coins in the minister's hand.  The bishop said, "Thanks, but you should put that in an offering envelope."

   "Oh, no!"  the boy insisted.  "This is for you."

   "Well, why would you want to give me your money?" the pastor asked.

"Because," he replied, "My daddy says your the poorest preacher we've ever had."

 

THE PEPPERONI CONSPIRACY

One long night while investigating a San Diego psychiatric hospital for medical insurance fraud, dozens of FBI agents had worked up an appetite. So an agent called a nearby pizza parlor for delivery. What follows is the conversation with the pizza server. It was recorded by the FBI because, well, that's what the FBI does:

Agent: Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.

Pizza Parlor Employee: And where would you like them delivered?

Agent: We're over at the psychiatric hospital.

Pizza Person: The psychiatric hospital?

Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent.

Pizza Person: You're an FBI agent?

Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is.

Pizza Person: And you're at the psychiatric hospital?

Agent: That's correct. And don't go to the front doors, we have them locked. You will have to go around back, to the service entrance.

Pizza Person: And you're all FBI agents?

Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here?

Pizza Person: And everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?

Agent: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving.

Pizza Person: How are you going to pay for all of this?

Agent: I have my checkbook right here.

Pizza Person: And you're all FBI agents?

Agent: That's right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked.

Pizza Person: I don't think so.