THE REST –    January 17
  

An atheist who was an enthusiastic fisherman had heard how good the fishing was in Scotland. So he went to Scotland and went fishing from a small rowboat on the Loch Ness. Beneath his boat, the fearsome Loch Ness monster gathered its muscles and slapped the boat high into the air. The fisherman looked down and saw a wide mouth with gaping teeth waiting for him to fall into it. He said, "Oh, God, save me from being eaten alive."

Instantly, time froze and a voice boomed from the heavens, "I thought you didn't believe in Me."

The fisherman replied, "You need to give me a break on this one. Until about five seconds ago, I didn't even believe in the Loch Ness monster."   

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study and said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little and get your hair cut and we'll talk about it."

After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car. They again went to the father's study where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut!"

The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair...."

To which his father replied...."Yes, and they WALKED everywhere they went!"   

From | RHF Joke Archives |

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.   Trying to make the matter clearer, he said:  "Now, boys, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the
face."

  "Yes, sir," the boys said.

  "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

  A little fellow shouted, "'Cause yer feet ain't empty."

Two men accepted a dare and entered, as clowns into a bull ring. They realized, after 2 minutes that the bull didn't think they were very funny and started chasing after them. As they turned tail and ran, one turned to the other and said, "Neither of us can run fast enough to make it to the wall before the bull makes it to us, so you best say a prayer."

"I don't know how to pray. I never even went to church." came the reply.

"You better pray somethin, cause I'm outta breath." said the first man. Well, the only prayer I can remember is this, "O God, for what we're about to receive, may we be truely thankful!"

In all situations: Give Thanks! 

BEYOND MURPHY

BOLING'S POSTULATE:
   If you re feeling good, don t worry, it will pass.

HOFFER'S LAW:
   When people are free to do what they want they usually imitate one another.

BARAUCH'S LAW:
   If all you ve got is a hammer, all the objects around look like nails.

KOVAC'S LAW:
   When you dial a wrong number, the line is never busy

FARNSDICAI'S OBSERVATION:
   After things went from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat

ON EVASIVE MANEUVER STRATEGY IN AERIAL COMBAT:
   The fly lands in one the following three places:
    1.  a place beyond your reach.
    2.  a delicate and treasured piece of fixture.
    3.  a sensitive part of your body.

CONNER'S SECOND LAW:
   If  a document is top secret someone will forget it in the xerox

STRANO'S LAW:
   When everything else doesn't work, try the boss's idea.