ALL THE REST –    February 12
  

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

  

A Driving Problem

A policeman pulls over a car load of nuns....

Policeman: Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway--why are you going so slow?"

Sister: "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65."

Policeman: "Oh sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you're on!

Sister: "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."

At this point the Policeman looks in the back seat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling.

Policeman: "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They're shaking something terrible."

Sister: "Oh, we just got off of highway 119." 

KashaL@concentric.net    | Kasha Linka

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Which way?!?

A man is doing his first skydive. He jumps from the plane, freefalls for a bit, then pulls his main rip-cord... nothing happens.  After a short panic, he pulls his reserve rip-cord... again, nothing happens! As he's zooming toward the ground, another man comes shooting past him TOWARDS THE SKY! The jumper hollers, "Hey! Do you know anything about rip-cords???"

The other man returns, "NOooooo! Do you know anything about gas stoves?"

KashaL@concentric.net    | Kasha Linka

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 A guy calls...

A guy calls the hospital. He says, "You gotta send help! My wife's going into labor!"

The nurse says, "Calm down. Is this her first child?"

He says, "No! This is her husband!"   

KashaL@concentric.net    | Kasha Linka

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 Placing an Order...

The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to order a pair of animals. He sat at his computer and typed the following sentence: "I would like to place an order for  two mongooses, to be delivered at your earliest convenience."
         
He stared at the screen, focusing on that odd word  mongooses. Then he deleted the word and added another, so  that the sentence now read: "I would like to place an order for two mongeese, to be delivered at your earliest convenience."
         
Again he stared at the screen, this time focusing on the new  word, which seemed just as odd as the original one. Finally,  he deleted the whole sentence and started all over.  "Everyone knows no full-stocked zoo should be without a   mongoose," he typed. "Please send us two of them."

ZPH - Zondervan -A Time to Smile

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That'll Teach Him

A father wanted to cure his son of gambling. He asked the boy's principal for help.

The next day the principal called the boy's father. "I think I have cured your son of gambling." he said.

"How did you do it?" asked the father.

"Well, he looked at my beard and said, `Sir, is that beard real or false? I wouldn't mind betting $5. that it is false.' `All right' I replied. `I'll take your bet. Now pull it and see.' Of course, my beard is real," said the principal. "He had to pay me $5. So I'm sure that will cure him of gambling."

"Oh, no!" groaned the father. "Last night he bet me $10. you'd let him pull your beard!"

David A. Rinke II | Funny Pages Mailing List

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Why Lean This? 

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him. 

"Why do we have to learn this stuff?" one young man blurted out. 

"To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture. 

A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" 

The professor stared at the student for a long time without saying a word. Finally the professor continued. "Physics saves lives," he said, "because it keeps the idiots out of medical school." 

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Andy's Prison Stay

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time. After 3 years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community.... and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.

The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself. But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top which he had promised his wife. So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him. But, alas, Andy refused. He told the warden, "Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place".

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