The Missionary's
Horse
A man has been lost and walking in the desert
for about 2 weeks. One hot day, (of course, they're all hot) he comes to the home of a
missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep. The
missionary takes him in and nurses him back to health. Feeling better, the man asks the
missionary for directions to the nearest town. The missionary tells him, and since it's
quite far, he offers the man his horse. He says, "However, there is a special thing
about this horse. You have to say 'Thank God' to make it go and 'Amen' to make it
stop."
Anxious to get to town, the man says, "Sure, OK," and gets on the horse. He
says, "Thank God" and the horse starts walking. A bit later he says louder,
"Thank God, thank God," and the horse starts trotting. Feeling really brave, the
man says, "Thank God! Thank God! THANK GOD!" and the horse is soon up to a full
run!
Suddenly the man realizes he's heading for a huge cliff edge, and yells "Whoa!"
but the horse dosen't even slow down! The edge of the cliff is coming up REAL QUICK and
he's doing everything he can to make the horse stop. "Whoa, stop, hold on!"
Finally he remembers and shouts "AMEN!!!"
The horse stops instantly...only 4 inches from the cliff, almost throwing the man over its
head. The man, panting and with his heart racing, wipes the sweat from his face and
leaning back in the saddle says "Thank GOD!"
KashaL@concentric.net
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Nice Tie
A guy goes into a bar and orders a tall one. As he takes a sip of his beer, he hears a
tiny little voice say: "Nice tie." He looks around
but sees no one. He take another sip of his beer and hears: "A nice shirt, too."
Again he looks around and sees no one. He signals the bartender over, and hesitantly
explains that he's hearing voices talking to him...
"Of course," smiles the bartender. "It's thepeanuts -- they're
complimentary."
KashaL@concentric.net
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The Three Friends
Three freinds - a surgeon, an engineer, and a politician - were discussing which of their
professions was the oldest. The surgeon said "Eve was created from Adam's rib - a
surgical procedure." The engineer replied: "Before Adam and Eve, order was
created out of chaos, and that was an engineering job." The politician said,
"Yes, but who do you suppose created the chaos?"
Vive la difference!
A three-year-old boy went with his dad
to see a new litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother,
"There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens."
"How did you know that?" his mother asked.
"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's
printed on the bottom. "
KashaL@concentric.net
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Lunching with Doctors
Two doctors were having lunch at the park when they saw man
approaching their way. His hands were clenched in tight fists, his knees pressed together
towards the middle, " Said the first doctor, "Must be arthritis." Replied
the second, "More like cerebral palsy." By the then the man was in front of
them. He asked, through clenched teeth, "Excuse me, do you know where the nearest
rest room is?"
The doctor recommended a running schedule of ten miles a day for a
patient.
After a week, the patient called, "Doc, I'm seventy miles away
now. What should I do now?'
Speaker's Encyclopedia of Jokes, Puns, Riddles,
Quotations & Alternate Dictionary
Nebraska State Doctor's
Training Hospital
(this manual is not to be released to public)
* * * * * The Dictionary of Medical Terms * * * * *
The following words will be constantly used as you practice medicine, please be advised
that you will not be required to know all of them. This has been typed very slowly, so do
not worry if you cannot read very fast.
Benign................What you be after you be eight.
Artery................The study of paintings.
Bacteria..............Back door to cafeteria.
Barium................What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section......A neighborhood in Rome.
CATscan...............Searching for kitty.
Cauterize.............Made eye contact with her.
Colic.................A sheep dog.
Coma..................A punctuation mark.
D & C.................Where Washington is.
Dilate................To live long.
Enema.................Not a friend.
Fester................Quicker than someone else.
Fibula................A small lie.
Genital...............Non-Jewish person.
G.I. Series...........World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail..............What you hang your coat on.
Impotent..............Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain............Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff.........A Doctor's cane.
Morbid................A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates..............Cheaper than day rates.
Node..................I knew it.
Outpatient............A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear.............A fatherhood test.
Pelvis................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative........A letter carrier.
Recovery Room.........Place to do upholstery.
Rectum................Damn near killed him.
Secretion.............Hiding something.
Seizure...............Roman emperor.
Tablet................A small table.
Terminal Illness......Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor.................More than one.
Urine.................Opposite of you're out.
Varicose..............Near by/close by.
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Today's Word –
CUBICLE
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