LAWN CARE
A preacher received a yearly allowance for keeping
up the parsonage, which had a very big yard. The allowance was for maintenance and repair
of the parsonage. During the summer season the preacher paid a young lad out of this
special fund to mow the lawn. When the chairman of the parsonage committee heard this he
was furious.
He called the preacher, "preacher," he
said, "the former minister always mowed the lawn himself and NEVER used this
maintenance money to pay some kid to mow the lawn."
The preacher calmly replied, "Well, I've
already talked to the former Rev. about it and he said he just couldn't do it this
year!"
The Barber
The barber was far from proficient,
nicking the customer more than once with his sharp razor. After the shave, the customer
asked for some water.
"Are you thirsty, buddy?" the barber asked.
"No. I just want to see if my face leaks!"
David A. Rinke II < drinkeii@moose.erie.net >
TOO YOUNG For HEAVEN
A young lawyer dies and is sent to heaven.
Upon his arrival, he meets St. Peter at the Gate. St. Peter asks the lawyer his name and
looks up his entry in the Great Big Book.
St. Peter then looks at the lawyer and says, "You look very good for being 138 years
old."
Astonished, the lawyer replies, "There must be some mistake, I am only 32."
St. Peter responds, "Not according to your billable hours."
David A. Rinke II | Funny Pages Mailing List
New STAMPS
The post office had to recall
its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers. It seems people were confused as to which
side to spit on.
Two Parts Thoughtfulness,
One Part Improvisation
He loved her very much. So very, very, much!
He wanted this Valentine's day to be special. So he went all out! He had a bottle of her
favorite liquor, a French absinthe, imported in time for it to arrive for the occasion. On
his
way home, he stopped at the local florist. He had planned to have a bouquet made with her
favorite flower, white anemones. But to his dismay, he found that the florist had sold all
her flowers and had only a few stemns of feathery ferns left for decoration!
Oh, no, what was he going to do now? Her love for the white flowers had made the
presenting of an armful of them a tradition on special occasions such as this. In a moment
of inspiration, he had the answer: He asked the florist to make a bouquet using the flask
of liquor instead of flowers and what she produced was magnificent well beyond his
expectations. He added a handwritten card, and proceeded home.
When he arrived, his wife was beautiful in her most elegant gown, and it was apparent that
she had spent much of the day preparing a romantic candlelight dinner for the two of them.
He presented her with his gift, and she opened the card to read, "Absinthe makes the
heart grow fonder." With a tear in her eye, she whispered to him lovingly, "Yes,
and with fronds like these, who needs anemones?"
Kasha Linka
A man joined the priesthood. The order he joined could not speak for seven
years. Then they could only say two words.
The first seven years passed and they went into a small room. His two word were
"too cold".
The next seven years passed and they took him back into the small room and his two
words were "bad food".
The next seven years passed they took him back into the small room and his two
words were "I quit".
Good they said, "all you have done is complain."
If you want to make your marriage a happy one," said the lecturer to
an audience of young men, "you must have a realistic attitude. You must be patient
with your wives. When you are going out together, don't worry if your wife is not ready on
time. The thing for you to do is to have a book handy so that you can read it while you
wait. I assure you that you will be absolutely astonished at the amount of culture you
will acquire." - Source unknown
TRUE FACT ...
Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year
olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.
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