Compass Company
There was once a couple named Nancy and Mike Tate, and it was
their life's dream to have a compass company. They finally saved enough money and
started the Tate's Compass Company. The first contract they acquired was to manufacture
750,000 compasses for the Boy Scouts.
Nancy and Mike worked feverishly day and night to meet their deadline, and finished just
before the Boy Scout Jamboree was to begin. On the day of the Boy
Scout Wilderness hike, each boy scout was given a Tate's Compass to help them find their
way. Unfortunately, it was discovered a little too late that every single
compass was made with the colored point of the needle facing the wrong way, so when one
was facing North, the needle pointed to the South.
Needless to say, all of the boy scouts got lost and it was the biggest fiasco known in Boy
Scout history. The Tate's compass company went out of business, but from this
experience came the familiar adage, "He who has a Tate's is
lost."
From Zondervan
Restaurant
Jokes
An Englishman goes to a
restaurant with his wife. After looking at the menu, he then calls the waiter over to
order. - "I'll have the sirloin steak and a glass of red wine."
"But... what about the mad cow?!"
the waiter gasps.
"Oh, and she'll have the fish."
"Waiter, what's this terrible
stuff?" asked the hungry patron.
"Sir, that is fillet of sole."
the waiter calmly replied.
"Then, please, go back and get me a
nice tender piece from the top of the shoe."
"Waiter, please bring some tomato soup
for a pickup." asked the hungry patron.
"Yes, Sir, and what would you like for
yourself?"
An Elephant
Story
There once was an elephant who came down
with a very serious cold. He was so stuffed up that he couldn't really breath through his
trunk anymore. "No one has ever suffered as much as I," he moaned to himself.
After he failed to get better for over a
week, the elephant was sure that he was going to die. So he called all of his friends
together for a farewell party, and he gave away all of his worldly possessions, in lieu of
having a will.
The next day, the elephant woke up in
perfect health, and penniless.
The moral? Just because your trunk's packed
doesn't mean you're ready to go.
Always Ready to Help
Walking down the street, a man passes a
house and notices a child trying to reach the doorbell. No matter how much the little guy
stretches, he can't make it. The man calls out, "Let me get that for you," and
he bounds onto the porch to ring the bell.
"Thanks mister," says the kid.
"Now let's run."
A Misunderstanding
A couple were going out for the evening.
They'd got ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc. The taxi arrives, and as the couple got
out, the cat shoots back in. They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes
out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out.
The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver
"He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."
A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab - "Sorry I took so long" he
says, "Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat
hanger to get her to come out!"
A mother in Pittsburgh tells of having
dinner with her little son and daughter. It had been a long, trying day at home, and her
husband was still at the office. Both children were fussy and didn't want to eat, and her
patience had reached it's limit. She looked up and sighed, "Oh, God, help me with
these children."
Immediately her four-year-old daughter
bowed her head and was silent. the mother was delighted, thinking the girl was asking God
to help her be good.
But then the girl looked up at her and
said, "I just asked Him not to help you."
In Littleton, Colorado, a girl watching her mother
shell hard boiled eggs said, "Jesus must like these a lot." "Why do you say
that?" asked the mother, and the girl explained: "Last week in church we sang
'Hard Eggs, Take Them All To Jesus.'
TRUE FACT ...
Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year
olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.
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