St. Patrick :

Did you know that the man we know as St. Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland, was not born in Ireland? He was born in southern Britain of a Romanized family, before the appearance of the English. The spot where he was born is now part of Scotland. At the age of 16 he was torn by Irish raiders from the villa of his father, Calpurnius, a deacon and minor local official, and carried into slavery in Ireland. There he turned with fervor to his faith. Hearing in a dream that the ship in which he was to escape was ready, he fled his master and passage in a ship bound for Gaul (France.)

In Gaul he became a monk and later returned to Britain. After returning to Britain, he dreamed one night that he heard the Irish calling, "We pray thee, holy youth, to come and walk amoungst us as before." He then decided to become a missionary to Ireland. He returned to Gaul and spent 14 years in preparation for his work as a missionary to the Irish.

He is credited with bringing Christianity to Ireland and probably responsible in part for the Christianization of the Picts and Anglo-Saxons. He is known only from two short works, the Confessio, a spiritual autobiography, and his Epistola, a denunciation of British mistreatment of Irish Christians. He was phenomenally successful in his mission. In point of fact, he was a most humble-minded man, pouring forth a continuous paean of thanks to his Maker for having chosen him as the instrument whereby multitudes who had worshipped "idols and unclean things" had become "the people of God."

Before the end of the 7th century Patrick had become a legendary figure, and the legends have continued to grow. One of these would have it that he drove the snakes of Ireland into the sea to their destruction. Another, probably the most popular, is that of the shamrock, which has him explain the concept of the Holy Trinity, three Persons in one God, to an unbeliever by showing him the three-leaved plant with one stalk.

A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

"What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but, scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable."

Joseph Addison

IRISH JOKES

Some time ago there happened to be an Irishman looking for work. He was not qualified to do anything much so he couldn't be choosy. He went to see a guy how ran a big business painting the lines on the roads of England. The man hired the Irishman and asked him to start the very next day. The next morning the Irishman arrived on time and was very enthusiastic. The owner of the business handed Irish a brush and pot of paint. That day the Irishman, keen to impress, had over a mile of the road painted. The foreman was indeed delighted with his new employee. The next day the Irishman arrived and worked all day but was only able to complete a half mile. Nothing was said, but it didn't go unnoticed.

The next day came and unfortunately the Irishman didn't even get 100 yards completed. The boss was very annoyed about this dramatic loss of performance and called the Irishman into the site office. 

The boss was not pleased and questioned why the Irishman was taking so long to do short distances when he began so well.... 

"Ah that's easy" Irish replied "The paint tin is getting further and further away from me while I work !" 

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Rotten Lunch

Three men worked at a quarry. An Englishman, Scotsman and an Irishman. They had all worked there for over ten years. One day in the site hut, at lunch, the Englishman opened his sandwiches and said "That's it, if I get ham in my sandwiches again after ten years I will jump from the top of the Quarry and kill myself ". The Scotsman opened his sandwich box and claimed "That's it, if I get Cheese in my sandwiches again after ten years I will jump from the top of the Quarry and kill myself". The Irishman opened his and sighed, "That's it, if I get Jam in my sandwiches again after ten years I will jump from the top of the Quarry and kill myself". The next day arrived and at lunch the Englishman opened his sandwiches, said nothing but climbed to the top of the Quarry and flung himself off to his doom. His bread had Ham between the slices. The Scotsman opened his sandwiches, said nothing but climbed to the top of the Quarry and flung himself off to his doom. His bread had Cheese between the slices.

The Irishman opened his sandwiches, had no one to say anything to, but climbed to the top of the Quarry and flung himself off to his doom. His bread had Jam between the slices.

A few days later at the funeral's which all took place at the same time in the same graveyard, and next to each other, the Englishman's wife sobbed, "I'm so sorry my love. If I had known you didn't want Ham I wouldn't have given it to you. Goodnight Darling".

The Scotsman's wife sobbed, "I'm so sorry my love. If I had known you didn't want Cheese I wouldn't have given it to you. Goodnight Darling".

The Irishman's wife laughed, "You stupid idiot Paddy.......So you don't like Jam...for the last ten years you've been making your own bloody sandwiches". 

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Obituary  

Shamus opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Mick. 

"Did you see the paper?" asked Shamus. "They say I died!!" 

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Mick. "Where are you callin' from?" 

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Digging Holes

Two Irish companies were competing for a contract to put up telegraph poles. The authorities decided to test them, seeing which company could put up the most poles in an hour. The first company achieved twenty but when the second company's tally came in it was only two. 

"I'm afraid you lost the job", the second company was told, "the other boys managed twenty to your two." 

"Ah," came the reply, "but they cheated. Did you see how much they left sticking out of the ground?" 

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Still Digging

A passerby watched two Irishmen in a park. One was digging holes and the other was immediately filling them in again. 

"Tell me," said the passerby, "What on earth are you doing?" 

"Well," said the digger, "Usually there are three of us. I dig, Paddy plants the tree and Mick fills in the hole. Today Paddy is off ill, but that doesn't mean Mick and I get the day off, does it?" 

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It Evens Out 

One Irishman was explaining to the other how the Lord often compensates for a person's natural deficiencies. "You see," he said, "If someone is a bit blind he might have a very good sense of hearing, or if his sense of taste has gone, he may have a keen sense of smell." 

"I agree with you," said the other. "I've always noticed that if someone has one short leg, the other one is always just that little bit longer." 

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Rousing Sermon

At the end of his sermon Father O'Briain turned to his listeners and said: "Now, let me ask you. Which of you thinks truly he is bound for Paradise? Would you please stand?" He was pleased to note that nearly all of his parishioners stood up. "That's good," he exclaimed. "But now, let me ask you. Which of you thinks he is bound for Hell? Would you stand?" 

After a few seconds, Jock Burke slowly got to his feet, and remained standing as the priest eyed him with sadness. 

Afterwards, as the worshippers filed out, Father O'Briain pulled Jock aside and asked him, "Now, Jock, what is it that makes you fear you're bound for Hell?"

 To which he responded, "O, Father, I have no fear for my own outcome, but I did feel sorry for you standing up there all by yourself." 

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Needed Divorce 

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