TAX Time
America is a land of untold wealth. Most of it is untold on the tax forms!
Tax loopholes are just like parking spaces. As soon as you get there, they
aren't there anymore.
Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today.
There may be a tax on it by then!
There is nothing more permanent than a temporary tax.
The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
Albert Einstein
I don't mind telling you, I'm worried sick. I put a Valentine card and my income tax
return into the same mail. Now I can't remember which one I signed "Guess Who"?
A man had fallen between the rails in a subway station. People were all crowding around
trying to get him out before the train ran him over. They were all shouting. "Give me
your hand!" but the man would not reach up. Mulla Nasrudin elbowed his way
through the crowd and leaned over the man. "Friend," he asked, "what is
your profession?""I am an income tax inspector," gasped the man.
"In that case," said Nasrudin, "take my hand!"
The man immediately grasped the Mulla's hand and was hauled to safety. Nasrudin turned to
the amazed by-standers. "Never ask a tax man to give you anything, you fools."
Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day
and ends with cries of "May Day!"
A couple of weeks after hearing a sermon on Psalms 51:2-4 (knowing my own
hidden secrets) and Psalms 52:3-4 (lies and deceit), a man wrote the following letter to
the IRS:
I have been unable to sleep, knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I understated
my taxable income, and have enclosed a check for $150.00.
If I still can't sleep, I will send the rest.
It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the
nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the
IRS.
The difference between the short and long tax forms is simple:
If you use the short form, the government gets your money.
If you use the long form, the accountant gets your money.
Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either.
Fully half of Americans would rather be mugged by street criminals than
audited by the IRS, according to a recent survey reported in Harper's magazine.
We assume the other half have never been audited.
(Survey source: Harper's, April 1998)
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